Why do I tend to feel closer to people than they do to me?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I grew up with a single parent, working class, only child household, witnessed dv, as I aged thru schools, went to college, then I joined a church and small group and noticed over time my relationships or friendships start off with one or two people and then spawn into larger mutual groups where I am not invited to parties or events like game nights but the person having the events remains in communication with me. Which leads me to think while I consider them close, they may have me in the acquaintances or less close friend group even with daily texting and weekly check ins, etc.. I’ve had no one come or send a card or reach out after surgeries, but have gone for visits to see them in hospital, sent gifts and flowers for their surgeries, losses, and births, but it’s a continual cycle of what I presume is me feeling closer or more connected than they must.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences as well! I’ll look for the book!

[Anonymous]

I feel that too, OP. I had a great childhood and have a big, close family so that's not it. I'm an extrovert and I just enjoy people. My work and community life bring me into contact with a lot of different folks, I'm good with names, and I just remember a lot. Recipe for disaster when it comes to over-attaching! (I like that word. I'm going to use it!) I try to be very self-aware and remind myself to give people space. I haven't had anyone react negatively. That said, I often think what would happen if I stopped reaching out. Deep down I know relationships would wither because I'm the one putting in the work. But if they are relations that mean a lot to me, I continue to do it and just wean myself away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that too, OP. I had a great childhood and have a big, close family so that's not it. I'm an extrovert and I just enjoy people. My work and community life bring me into contact with a lot of different folks, I'm good with names, and I just remember a lot. Recipe for disaster when it comes to over-attaching! (I like that word. I'm going to use it!) I try to be very self-aware and remind myself to give people space. I haven't had anyone react negatively. That said, I often think what would happen if I stopped reaching out. Deep down I know relationships would wither because I'm the one putting in the work. But if they are relations that mean a lot to me, I continue to do it and just wean myself away.

I could have written this! I just have a mind that remembers little things people tell me and it can creep people out if I remember something they mentioned about themselves years ago. I have to stop myself from recalling things like “Oh, isn’t that the cousin who went to Arizona State?” because people get uncomfortable.

I am also like the poster above that and feel being an only child of a busy single parent gave me less early exposure to larger social scenes and connections. For instance, my husband’s parents had guests and iarties all the time and he also watched his older siblings navigate social groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that too, OP. I had a great childhood and have a big, close family so that's not it. I'm an extrovert and I just enjoy people. My work and community life bring me into contact with a lot of different folks, I'm good with names, and I just remember a lot. Recipe for disaster when it comes to over-attaching! (I like that word. I'm going to use it!) I try to be very self-aware and remind myself to give people space. I haven't had anyone react negatively. That said, I often think what would happen if I stopped reaching out. Deep down I know relationships would wither because I'm the one putting in the work. But if they are relations that mean a lot to me, I continue to do it and just wean myself away.

I could have written this! I just have a mind that remembers little things people tell me and it can creep people out if I remember something they mentioned about themselves years ago. I have to stop myself from recalling things like “Oh, isn’t that the cousin who went to Arizona State?” because people get uncomfortable.

I am also like the poster above that and feel being an only child of a busy single parent gave me less early exposure to larger social scenes and connections. For instance, my husband’s parents had guests and iarties all the time and he also watched his older siblings navigate social groups.

Op here. This is me too! I remember the details like this as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that too, OP. I had a great childhood and have a big, close family so that's not it. I'm an extrovert and I just enjoy people. My work and community life bring me into contact with a lot of different folks, I'm good with names, and I just remember a lot. Recipe for disaster when it comes to over-attaching! (I like that word. I'm going to use it!) I try to be very self-aware and remind myself to give people space. I haven't had anyone react negatively. That said, I often think what would happen if I stopped reaching out. Deep down I know relationships would wither because I'm the one putting in the work. But if they are relations that mean a lot to me, I continue to do it and just wean myself away.

I could have written this! I just have a mind that remembers little things people tell me and it can creep people out if I remember something they mentioned about themselves years ago. I have to stop myself from recalling things like “Oh, isn’t that the cousin who went to Arizona State?” because people get uncomfortable.

I am also like the poster above that and feel being an only child of a busy single parent gave me less early exposure to larger social scenes and connections. For instance, my husband’s parents had guests and iarties all the time and he also watched his older siblings navigate social groups.

I’m the opposite - I never remember anything. When an acquaintance recalls some minute detail about me from ages ago, I don’t feel creeped out, I feel like a total jerk because half the time I can’t even remember his/her name. (I mean, usually I barely even remember the detail about myself!) I swear I’m smart - just not in this way.