How to more efficiently delegate/outsource tasks I don’t want to be doing & enjoy my kids more

[Anonymous]

This is why I went part-time. Sure, I had a lot of feminist reservations about this, but once I shed everyone else's expectations, I realized that the lift I wanted to lead was not a stressful one where I continually pushed my children aside to take care of work and household stuff. We lowered our expectations once our second child arrived, and our lives are pretty stress-free. I prioritize my own health (which incidentally makes me a much better mother) over material wants. We are secure and have everything we need and spend tons of time together as a family. Life isn't perfect, but it'd be pretty miserable if I was still working full-time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I went part-time. Sure, I had a lot of feminist reservations about this, but once I shed everyone else's expectations, I realized that the lift I wanted to lead was not a stressful one where I continually pushed my children aside to take care of work and household stuff. We lowered our expectations once our second child arrived, and our lives are pretty stress-free. I prioritize my own health (which incidentally makes me a much better mother) over material wants. We are secure and have everything we need and spend tons of time together as a family. Life isn't perfect, but it'd be pretty miserable if I was still working full-time.

May I ask what HHI you have to make this work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cleaners and a nanny are a good start. I will add some hope for you that at age 4 and 6 my kids started to be helpful - buy that you have to invest a lot of time teaching them. At age 6 and 8, they are actually useful for laundry sorting, folding, putting away, emptying and loading dishwasher, packing snacks and lunches, and tidying up the house. That sounds like it’s a long way away, but it’s really not.

In the mean time, simplify your life. Do grocery delivery or curbside pick-up only. I use Harris Teeter, my neighbor does Amazon Fresh. Get yourself a postal scale and lots of stamps. Find a dry cleaner that picks up and delivers. Find a wash and fold by the pound laundry place if that helps you. Amazon Prime. Target curbside. Do NOT go in stores. Do not drive to more store than you need to.
If your kids eat a different meal than the adults, consider meal delivery. My kids have sports several days a week and are happy to eat sandwiches. For my husband and I, we have Vegetable and Butcher meals for dinner 2-4 nights a week. A lot of people like Mighty Meals. Meal delivery. Not meal kit that you still make.
If you are buying and retuning a lot of clothes, why? Find 1-3 places that fit your kids and learn their sizes. Mine are Gap Kids, Hanna, and Primary. Get 3 storage bins - one for things too small for your youngest, one for each kid to grow into or try on when the season comes around again. Maybe a 4th bin for shoes and sports gear. Swap the kids closet twice or 4x a year and make yourself a note of what they need more of so you can watch for sales. Don’t make kids try on clothes. Find a pair of pants that fit and hold them up to the new pants.

For planning, my husband and I sit down once a month and plan details for the upcoming 4-6 weeks. We also make general plans for the next 2 seasons so we can get reservations or register kids for activities. That way he is looking at the calendar with me and can realize that if he wants to visit his parents, go to a fall festival, and take the kids camping between Labor Day and Thanksgiving that we need to pencil in the weekends.

Finally ages 1 and 4 is tough. It gets easier in some ways (no naps or diapers, they wipe their own butts!) and harder in others (summer camp signup in Jan, car pool, random days schools are closed) - but mostly easier.

Before we moved to the DC area we had an awesome wash and fold laundry service but the one we tried here the clothes came back smelling off and a little weirdly floral despite my request for no fragrance. I’m super sensitive to fragrance and so is one of my kids. If you have a laundry service you would recommend that would work for me please share!!! In Montgomery County

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have someone make me healthy meals that i can freeze for back up meals on days I have no time/energy to cook. That has helped me alot so I dont feel guilty that my kids are eating poorly or eating too much takeout etc.

Would you be willing to list some of these freezer friendly meals? I tried freezing a meal (Greek mousakka) and it just wasn’t as good as the fresh version.

NP. Some things I freeze: beef stew, goulash, chilli, curry, split pea soup, spaghetti sauce, meatballs, bbq ribs, black bean quesadillas

NP. I always have shredded chicken and cooked taco meat/ground beef. Generally the shredded chicken goes to quesadillas and the taco meat makes stuffed peppers, nachos or tacos. Those two in my freezer save dinner a lot of nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I went part-time. Sure, I had a lot of feminist reservations about this, but once I shed everyone else's expectations, I realized that the lift I wanted to lead was not a stressful one where I continually pushed my children aside to take care of work and household stuff. We lowered our expectations once our second child arrived, and our lives are pretty stress-free. I prioritize my own health (which incidentally makes me a much better mother) over material wants. We are secure and have everything we need and spend tons of time together as a family. Life isn't perfect, but it'd be pretty miserable if I was still working full-time.

May I ask what HHI you have to make this work?

NP but I also switched to PT despite all the same reservations. Honestly if I could I would cut my hours more because my life is not stress free at all, but it’s better. Would cut my hours more if I could. Our HHI was at about $300 k when I did that. We live a pretty moderate lifestyle and could get by on less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Safeway grocery delivery, that will save you an hour or more a week.

Laundry, try one of the apps.

Do as much from your phone as possible.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

I enjoy cooking but have basically transitioned to meal kits most nights and pizza on Fridays. It’s basically outsourcing the recipe and grocery shopping for the biggest meal of our day, and I really like the food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could send out laundry.

I streamlined meal planning: I buy basically the same cart every week, and we have the same 6 dinners (takeout pizza on Fridays). It’s not glamorous but it’s freed up a lot of brain space and we will eat fancier later. (Monday is chicken and rice; Taco Tuesday; Wednesdays salads with leftover chicken; Thursday pasta; etc. I change little things like the marinade for the chicken and the sauce/shape of the pasta, but it’s basically the same.)

Agree with this. I have the same simple meals in rotation and get the groceries delivered. I like to cook, so I miss the variety of new recipes sometimes, but this approach saves me lots of time and mental energy at this stage of my life. I’ll get back to more complicated stuff in a few years. This plus having a regular house cleaner has cut my household “stuff” down to very little.

[Anonymous]

Dramatically lower your standards and simplify.

-Sheets and towels get cleaned monthly.
-House gets cleaned once every two weeks? You do no other cleaning (besides post-dinner kitchen/run dishwasher).
-Holiday planning? Do what sounds fun and no more.
-Throw out half your kids toys. And teach them to clean up after themselves.
-Kids get baths 2x per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Safeway grocery delivery, that will save you an hour or more a week.

Laundry, try one of the apps.

Do as much from your phone as possible.

What does this mean?

There are several apps that are like Uber for laundry. Sudster is one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatically lower your standards and simplify.

-Sheets and towels get cleaned monthly.
-House gets cleaned once every two weeks? You do no other cleaning (besides post-dinner kitchen/run dishwasher).
-Holiday planning? Do what sounds fun and no more.
-Throw out half your kids toys. And teach them to clean up after themselves.
-Kids get baths 2x per week.

This is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

I also felt like having so many tasks was preventing me from enjoying my kids. But I realized that in reality, the laundry sat undone and the floor was dirty sometimes before I had kids, and I still seemed to enjoy my life just fine. The tasks, I realized, were a socially-acceptable mom red herring.

What I was really missing was time by myself away from my kids. A mix of both restful at home (without doing chores!), out of the house, and with friends. So, start prioritizing that. Twice a month, I go out for the evening during the week. I don't see my kids after work on those nights - I make plans with friends. Every weekend, I get a chunk of time "off" - half a day - when my husband is on kid duty, and I am doing some combo of sleeping in, doing a personal hobby (crafts or reading for me), vegging out with TV/internet, going out to have a quiet lunch by myself, reading in a coffee shop, or meeting up with friends. My husband gets the same.

It's amazing. I enjoy my kids SO much more when I'm getting time away from them, and I'm a much better mom, too. Highly, highly recommend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatically lower your standards and simplify.

-Sheets and towels get cleaned monthly.
-House gets cleaned once every two weeks? You do no other cleaning (besides post-dinner kitchen/run dishwasher).
-Holiday planning? Do what sounds fun and no more.
-Throw out half your kids toys. And teach them to clean up after themselves.
-Kids get baths 2x per week.

This is disgusting.

PP here. You're entitled to your opinion. But I have plenty of time to enjoy my kids, and I haven't picked up any weird diseases yet, nor have I lost any friends due to stickiness. So, pick your priorities. Enjoying my kids is mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatically lower your standards and simplify.

-Sheets and towels get cleaned monthly.
-House gets cleaned once every two weeks? You do no other cleaning (besides post-dinner kitchen/run dishwasher).
-Holiday planning? Do what sounds fun and no more.
-Throw out half your kids toys. And teach them to clean up after themselves.
-Kids get baths 2x per week.

This is disgusting.

PP here. You're entitled to your opinion. But I have plenty of time to enjoy my kids, and I haven't picked up any weird diseases yet, nor have I lost any friends due to stickiness. So, pick your priorities. Enjoying my kids is mine.

If she has a cleaner twice a month, I assume the sheets and towels would be changed twice a month. Which I, for one, find completely appropriate for the parents and 4 year old. The one year old needs sheets changed more often, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatically lower your standards and simplify.

-Sheets and towels get cleaned monthly.
-House gets cleaned once every two weeks? You do no other cleaning (besides post-dinner kitchen/run dishwasher).
-Holiday planning? Do what sounds fun and no more.
-Throw out half your kids toys. And teach them to clean up after themselves.
-Kids get baths 2x per week.

This is disgusting.

PP here. You're entitled to your opinion. But I have plenty of time to enjoy my kids, and I haven't picked up any weird diseases yet, nor have I lost any friends due to stickiness. So, pick your priorities. Enjoying my kids is mine.

I also have plenty of time to enjoy my kids. Believe it or not most people don't have to choose between washing a towel once a month and seeing their children.