How to more efficiently delegate/outsource tasks I don’t want to be doing & enjoy my kids more
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Anonymous
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We are a typical two working parent household, and have two young kids, 4 and 1. Between my job, my kids, the house, and chores, I always feel overwhelmed. I don’t want to be just getting by during these years, I want to enjoy them as much as I can. But it feels like every moment I’m not working I have to do chores- cooking healthy meals for my kids (one of whom has bad allergies so takeout is not an option), meal planning, grocery ordering and shopping, cleaning up after cooking for everyone, clothes shopping and returning, holiday planning, etc.
Don’t really want this to turn into “dh should do more,” because he just wont do those things and claims he “does chores that I don’t do.” We have a full time nanny who works while we work, and house cleaning every two weeks. I acknowledge that this is a great starting point- but how do I manage my time or more efficiently prioritize/outsource “the admin.” We are UMC but not wealthy enough to afford that much more help, though could potentially swing the cleaning service once a week. |
Anonymous
| I have someone make me healthy meals that i can freeze for back up meals on days I have no time/energy to cook. That has helped me alot so I dont feel guilty that my kids are eating poorly or eating too much takeout etc. |
Anonymous
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You could send out laundry.
I streamlined meal planning: I buy basically the same cart every week, and we have the same 6 dinners (takeout pizza on Fridays). It’s not glamorous but it’s freed up a lot of brain space and we will eat fancier later. (Monday is chicken and rice; Taco Tuesday; Wednesdays salads with leftover chicken; Thursday pasta; etc. I change little things like the marinade for the chicken and the sauce/shape of the pasta, but it’s basically the same.) |
Anonymous
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Some of what you have to do is pick some things to care less about. Like how much “holiday planning” do you really HAVE to do versus WANT to do?
Is your nanny not able to prep meals? How old are these kids? Can they do more chores? |
Anonymous
Sorry, I see how old they are. This is a tough phase, but your 4 year old should be able to put their laundry away, partially unload the dishwasher, etc |
Anonymous
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Can you do less is more/routines? Have a set menu (maybe a two week rotation?) so you don't have to spend mental effort on meal planning or grocery ordering since it's always the same. You can also have your kids help cook which will be easier if it's there's a lot of repetition. Definitely have kids help in the cleanup if you can. Little kids actually like chores, even if they're bad at them, so it's great to try and get the habits in place before they decide everything is boring.
How often do you have to clothes shop? Shouldn't be more than once a season, and just order one of everything you want. Lean large on sizing so you don't have to return anything. I can't help with cutting down on holiday planning time because that's a major part of my stress relief and I'm all in on it all year round. 
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Anonymous
| You’re almost there in terms of your nanny being able to help. When your one-year-old is old enough that she doesn’t need to watch him/her every minute, you’ll be able to ask her to do some meal prep. We have our nanny let our kids watch an episode a day while she peeps dinner for us - it’s amazing. |
Anonymous
Your nanny is so lucky |
Anonymous
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Cleaners and a nanny are a good start. I will add some hope for you that at age 4 and 6 my kids started to be helpful - buy that you have to invest a lot of time teaching them. At age 6 and 8, they are actually useful for laundry sorting, folding, putting away, emptying and loading dishwasher, packing snacks and lunches, and tidying up the house. That sounds like it’s a long way away, but it’s really not.
In the mean time, simplify your life. Do grocery delivery or curbside pick-up only. I use Harris Teeter, my neighbor does Amazon Fresh. Get yourself a postal scale and lots of stamps. Find a dry cleaner that picks up and delivers. Find a wash and fold by the pound laundry place if that helps you. Amazon Prime. Target curbside. Do NOT go in stores. Do not drive to more store than you need to. If your kids eat a different meal than the adults, consider meal delivery. My kids have sports several days a week and are happy to eat sandwiches. For my husband and I, we have Vegetable and Butcher meals for dinner 2-4 nights a week. A lot of people like Mighty Meals. Meal delivery. Not meal kit that you still make. If you are buying and retuning a lot of clothes, why? Find 1-3 places that fit your kids and learn their sizes. Mine are Gap Kids, Hanna, and Primary. Get 3 storage bins - one for things too small for your youngest, one for each kid to grow into or try on when the season comes around again. Maybe a 4th bin for shoes and sports gear. Swap the kids closet twice or 4x a year and make yourself a note of what they need more of so you can watch for sales. Don’t make kids try on clothes. Find a pair of pants that fit and hold them up to the new pants. For planning, my husband and I sit down once a month and plan details for the upcoming 4-6 weeks. We also make general plans for the next 2 seasons so we can get reservations or register kids for activities. That way he is looking at the calendar with me and can realize that if he wants to visit his parents, go to a fall festival, and take the kids camping between Labor Day and Thanksgiving that we need to pencil in the weekends. Finally ages 1 and 4 is tough. It gets easier in some ways (no naps or diapers, they wipe their own butts!) and harder in others (summer camp signup in Jan, car pool, random days schools are closed) - but mostly easier. |
Anonymous
| I don’t know the answer. You already have cleaning and a nanny. Adding any other help isn’t always the relief you think. Sometimes managing “the admin” help is more work than just doing it yourself |
Anonymous
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I recently got mono (didn’t even know you could get it as an adult) and was knocked on my butt for two months. I realized that: 1) We could get by with a lot less than what I had been doing. 2) DH could not realistically do his job and be a decent father AND pick up even the necessary stuff around the house without making his life miserable. 3) The kids could do more than they had been, but not that much more. 4) Hiring someone to prep meals and clean the kitchen made everything easier and wasn’t that expensive in the grand scheme of things. |
Anonymous
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Safeway grocery delivery, that will save you an hour or more a week.
Laundry, try one of the apps. Do as much from your phone as possible. |
Anonymous
Would you be willing to list some of these freezer friendly meals? I tried freezing a meal (Greek mousakka) and it just wasn’t as good as the fresh version. |
Anonymous
| Cook so there will be leftovers, meal plan once a month, and ask your nanny to do some cooking since it's for the kids. |
Anonymous
NP. Some things I freeze: beef stew, goulash, chilli, curry, split pea soup, spaghetti sauce, meatballs, bbq ribs, black bean quesadillas |