Daughter already saying she is fat

[Anonymous]

Op here - by fit and strong I mean I tell the kids I work out so I can run with them while they bike, that I can hike with them and carry a 40 pound toddler, that I am strong enough to still carry them to bed when they ask.

Also I had major back problems from pregnancy and I need to work out and do core exercises to make sure I don’t throw my back out.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure it’s some kid/kids at school talking about it. It starts EARLY especially in girls. All it takes is 1-2 kids with older siblings and/or parents who fixate on weight and then they spread it to the whole class. There’s not much you can do, other than neutrally move away from the conversation and encourage activities where bodies aren’t a focus. Summer swim is probably fine, just watch your kid around the older kids, just avoid things like dance though.

[Anonymous]

It’s easy to freak out based on how common eating disorders were when we grew up. TBH, the problem now is that they really are getting fat and not bothered by it. I’m kind of shocked your kid said this given how being fat is treated now by most people. Eating disorders aren’t that common anymore. I would not get too worried. Just ask her where she’s getting this stuff. It’s prob from another kid’s mom. Seriously the kids are not obsessed with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure it’s some kid/kids at school talking about it. It starts EARLY especially in girls. All it takes is 1-2 kids with older siblings and/or parents who fixate on weight and then they spread it to the whole class. There’s not much you can do, other than neutrally move away from the conversation and encourage activities where bodies aren’t a focus. Summer swim is probably fine, just watch your kid around the older kids, just avoid things like dance though.

Do you have kids or are you basing this on growing up in the 80s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - by fit and strong I mean I tell the kids I work out so I can run with them while they bike, that I can hike with them and carry a 40 pound toddler, that I am strong enough to still carry them to bed when they ask.

Also I had major back problems from pregnancy and I need to work out and do core exercises to make sure I don’t throw my back out.

It’s normal to exercise. The only people who think exercise is just to stay thin are, well, fat.

[Anonymous]

Are her friends comparatively thinner? I'd be concerned why she think she is fat. I would ask her more about what makes her think that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure it’s some kid/kids at school talking about it. It starts EARLY especially in girls. All it takes is 1-2 kids with older siblings and/or parents who fixate on weight and then they spread it to the whole class. There’s not much you can do, other than neutrally move away from the conversation and encourage activities where bodies aren’t a focus. Summer swim is probably fine, just watch your kid around the older kids, just avoid things like dance though.

Do you have kids or are you basing this on growing up in the 80s?

Of course I have kids, I’m not out here hanging out on a parenting message board like you totally normal child free people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - by fit and strong I mean I tell the kids I work out so I can run with them while they bike, that I can hike with them and carry a 40 pound toddler, that I am strong enough to still carry them to bed when they ask.

Also I had major back problems from pregnancy and I need to work out and do core exercises to make sure I don’t throw my back out.

It’s normal to exercise. The only people who think exercise is just to stay thin are, well, fat.

I was thinking the opposite. Only fat people know that it’s normal to exercise and not be thin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s easy to freak out based on how common eating disorders were when we grew up. TBH, the problem now is that they really are getting fat and not bothered by it. I’m kind of shocked your kid said this given how being fat is treated now by most people. Eating disorders aren’t that common anymore. I would not get too worried. Just ask her where she’s getting this stuff. It’s prob from another kid’s mom. Seriously the kids are not obsessed with it.

I agree with this. But the concern isn't that OP's kid is afraid of getting fat, it is that she thinks she already is. The only thing I can think of is maybe she is bigger than some of her peers and has noticed. My normal heathy weight 12 yr old is 5'2" and 100 lbs. She has a BFF who is probably 75 lbs. Both are healthy girls, but just built different and in different stages of puberty. Next to her, maybe she would think she is fat. But she has never said so. Though I can see how given the vast differences in rates of growth and development among kids of the same age how one could think they are fat and aren't.

[Anonymous]

She kind of fat, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s easy to freak out based on how common eating disorders were when we grew up. TBH, the problem now is that they really are getting fat and not bothered by it. I’m kind of shocked your kid said this given how being fat is treated now by most people. Eating disorders aren’t that common anymore. I would not get too worried. Just ask her where she’s getting this stuff. It’s prob from another kid’s mom. Seriously the kids are not obsessed with it.

Are you the same "growing up in the 80s" poster? You are dead wrong about this. Young girls are definitely concerned about being fat - social media has made this harder. The fat-positive movement is out there, but it's not mainstream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s easy to freak out based on how common eating disorders were when we grew up. TBH, the problem now is that they really are getting fat and not bothered by it. I’m kind of shocked your kid said this given how being fat is treated now by most people. Eating disorders aren’t that common anymore. I would not get too worried. Just ask her where she’s getting this stuff. It’s prob from another kid’s mom. Seriously the kids are not obsessed with it.

Are you the same "growing up in the 80s" poster? You are dead wrong about this. Young girls are definitely concerned about being fat - social media has made this harder. The fat-positive movement is out there, but it's not mainstream.

Yes. How old are your kids? I have 2 teenage girls. It's not like it was when I was growing up. I rarely hear about anyone being fat from my girls or any of their friends. I also coach teenage sports and don't hear about it there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has been my experience that anyone who works out "a lot" gives subtle messages to their kids in different ways that body size is very important. In most cases I don't think it's intentional, in their minds they only share positive messages about exercise and eating right, but in their subconscious they are critical of people who aren't "fit" and they express that in different ways that kids pick up on. I have seen this happen several times with people I know. I recommend limiting discussion around weight, food, etc. because she may be hearing things differently than you think you are saying.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP my DD went through a similar thing at around the same age - in her case she wasn't specifically saying she was fat, but she was much taller than all of her friends (boys and girls) and for whatever reason, they all went through a phase where they wanted to talk about how much they weigh. She weighed a good 20 lbs more than most of her friends but was like 6 inches taller. We talked about how everybody's body is different and kids grow at different rates. We also talked about how some of these tiny, light friends had very short parents and how I certainly weighed more than a friend's mom who is 6 inches shorter than me. If she's tall, that could be part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - by fit and strong I mean I tell the kids I work out so I can run with them while they bike, that I can hike with them and carry a 40 pound toddler, that I am strong enough to still carry them to bed when they ask.

Also I had major back problems from pregnancy and I need to work out and do core exercises to make sure I don’t throw my back out.

Whatever. We know and they know you work out a lot so you don’t get fat- as a major reason. Which is fine and more people should. You shouldn’t be afraid to talk about weight in a heathy weight. You are allowed to say as an adult, part of staying heathy means maintaining a heathy weight and that is partly done through exercise and getting enough movement.

But either way- that doesn’t explain why your daughter feels she is fat now. Truth is, no one wants to be fat; kids included. If your daughter isn’t fat, you need yo explore why she thinks she is