Daughter already saying she is fat
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Anonymous
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Dd is only 7 but is already saying she is fat. How do I curb this? No she is not on any social media, has no phone, watches limited tv. She is not fat at all - 50” and 55 pounds. She is very active with sports and swimming in the summer.
I am very fit and work out a lot but don’t comment about my weight. I tell her I work out to be strong so I can play with her and her siblings and carry them. |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry OP. It only takes one bad apple at school or on a sports team to introduce such toxic concepts. |
Anonymous
| OP how often is she saying this, and how do you respond? |
Anonymous
| Maybe it's the age. My 6 year old dd keeps asking how she can make sure not to be fat and why some people are fat. DH and I eat healthy and don't comment on bodies. I think maybe they just notice and are naturally curious. |
Anonymous
| Is she in dance and/or gymnastics? If so, there is your answer why |
Anonymous
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Swimming makes me wonder how much unsupervised time she has at the pool or on meet days?
Our pool this summer was a cesspool of negative talk among the older girls and coarse, gross talk among the older boys. I posted before about it in a similar context. I spent hours per day overhearing everything because I was watching a younger child and was a parent rep. Because I’m a middle-aged mom, I’m invisible to tween girls so they talk amongst themselves about *everything* in front of me. A certain clique of 10-12 year olds spent a ton of time hiding in the locker room and on the deck scrutinizing their bodies, trash-talking each other, talking about fatness, criticizing their own hair, etc. My daughter overheard it and we had a big talk later about how we talk about ourselves and others and how wrong those girls were. Note that she is in low-key dance and serious competitive gymnastics and she had never heard anything like this there. However, two of the ringleader tweens are in a ballet school associated with a pre-professional program. |
Anonymous
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I don’t know if she is chubby but kids can’t be fooled and they see chubby as chubby… until we teach them to keep their judgement to themselves. That’s to answer where she gets it from.
I am sorry, the world is a tough place for those who aren’t slender. It should get better as society does it’s work and promotes tolerance, so there’s that. |
Anonymous
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Op here - she says it every once in a while and it shocks me! She isn’t chubby or even remotely fat. Far from it! I would probably call her more slender than anything.
To answer the pp questions - no she isn’t in dance or gymnastics and she isn’t on a swim team. Just swims a lot at the pool in the summer. I was just taken aback when she said it for the first time because we do not focus on being skinny at all in our house. Only being fit and strong. Dh and I both played sports and still continue working out to this day. |
Anonymous
| What I say is "You're the perfect size for a Becca!" I talk about foods and what they do for our bodies, including sweets making our mouths and brains happy (and there's a place for that in life), and playing sports because it's fun, doing yoga because it feels good to stretch and meditate, etc. We work out for fun or for our brains, not for gaining or losing. |
Anonymous
| It has been my experience that anyone who works out "a lot" gives subtle messages to their kids in different ways that body size is very important. In most cases I don't think it's intentional, in their minds they only share positive messages about exercise and eating right, but in their subconscious they are critical of people who aren't "fit" and they express that in different ways that kids pick up on. I have seen this happen several times with people I know. I recommend limiting discussion around weight, food, etc. because she may be hearing things differently than you think you are saying. |
Anonymous
What does it mean to be fit? |
Anonymous
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If she says it again, I might ask her something like: "Hmm, why do you say that?" and just see what she says.
This is a tough one because you definitely don't want to brush her aside, but I would caution against paying too much attention to it as kids will often continue to seek that same type of attention or big response. |
Anonymous
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We take away negative connotations from the word fat. Fat is a descriptor like thin or short or tall. It isn't a bad word and it doesn't need to be negative unless you make it that way. All bodies have fat, that is healthy. I would talk to her about what she mean by fat and help her reframe her idea of what the word fat means.
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Anonymous
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You're doing it all right. It's probably some kid at school taunting others.
Just keep talking about healthy strong bodies, how she's perfect and strong. Make sure that you're using "growth mindset language" for things she does (all kinds--art, school, physical activity). Not "good job!" For everything she does, but "wow I saw how hard you worked on that drawing." And "I could tell that math problem wasn't easy, but you didn't give up." Praise the work and not the outcome. I think that helps boost self esteem in general. |