Etiquette for ex-in-law relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful. She might first right of refusal and do something if she finds out the dd is with you.

Read: OP said that the SIL has a pre-planned vacation. She can’t take the child.

[Anonymous]

My former in-laws were horrible to me for years before the divorce, during, and for years after. I really avoided them as much as possible. Then, my XH died and his family dropped all of the nastiness. I’ll never understand it.

[Anonymous]

Nope, do you think your brother is sending her text updates every 10 minutes while he has custody? I'm guessing no, so there's your answer. Send him updates, he's the one that is responsible for the child that weekend, not his wife. He's the only one that needs to know.

[Anonymous]

Wow, some of you are completely clueless about custody situations. Send the updates to your brother and only your brother. If his ex needs to know something about her kid, she can ask him, it's HIS weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you are completely clueless about custody situations. Send the updates to your brother and only your brother. If his ex needs to know something about her kid, she can ask him, it's HIS weekend.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you are completely clueless about custody situations. Send the updates to your brother and only your brother. If his ex needs to know something about her kid, she can ask him, it's HIS weekend.

I agree.

+1. Maybe I’m paranoid, but I also would also be worried about sending something to the Ex that could be taken out of context and used against the brother to claim that he left the child in an unsafe situation or such. Send updates to the brother and let him decide what to send to the Ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you are completely clueless about custody situations. Send the updates to your brother and only your brother. If his ex needs to know something about her kid, she can ask him, it's HIS weekend.

This

[Anonymous]

Unless a parent posed a danger to the child, I would never not contact them if the child was with me. I would send your ex-SIL some updates. It's only basic courtesy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you are completely clueless about custody situations. Send the updates to your brother and only your brother. If his ex needs to know something about her kid, she can ask him, it's HIS weekend.

We are, and sometimes going beyond the legal requirements is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Asking your brother seems wise. I had a relationship with my brother in law for twenty years before he initiated a divorce with my sister. We (including my other sister, my parents, cousins, etc)didn't stop caring about him because he didn't want to be married to her anymore (though we hated how he did it) and now 10 years later, he still comes to an occasional holiday, just went to my aunt's funeral, I call him for financial advice, etc. My mother will still welcome him to a Sunday dinner. My sister is remarried, we accept him too obviously.

My point is, this is your niece's father. And always will be. You may not have been close with her and certainly you can hate her behavior but for your niece's sake, if you can harness any kindness and your brother is ok with you just communicating by sharing pics, it is a kind thing to do. And that continuity and your acknowledgment of your sister in law as a person will likely mean a great deal to your niece. Maybe you just really shared no connection at all but I always think it's sort of sad when in laws just write the person off, particularly if there were years of being family. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you are completely clueless about custody situations. Send the updates to your brother and only your brother. If his ex needs to know something about her kid, she can ask him, it's HIS weekend.

I agree.

+1. Maybe I’m paranoid, but I also would also be worried about sending something to the Ex that could be taken out of context and used against the brother to claim that he left the child in an unsafe situation or such. Send updates to the brother and let him decide what to send to the Ex.

+1 additionally, she may try to use this weekend against him in the future for why she should have more custody, etc. She will say if she had known she wouldn't have planned a trip but by the time your brother told her she couldn't get out of it, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d say this depends how friendly she and your brother are. And maybe not quite so many texts, but a cute pic here or there. It seems like a good way to re-establish some context moving forward. Mainly for the cousins sake.

Anonymous wrote:You’ll never regret taking the high road. I’d send your ex-SIL texts. It’s what you would want id the roles were reversed.

I agree with both of these posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask him before sending pictures to her. Often in the Separation Agreement it states that if the parent that has parenting time needs childcare then the other parent gets the first shot at having them for that time.

+1. He needs to follow the temporary custody agreement, it may or may not include Rights of First Refusal for when he needs to get childcare during his days. This is common.

[Anonymous]

I would not. Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll never regret taking the high road. I’d send your ex-SIL texts. It’s what you would want id the roles were reversed.

Your motives for reaching out to her or sending pics of you watching her kid might be totally misconstrued. Esp this early on in a separation or divorce