Changing children’s last name to biological mom who used sperm donor

[Anonymous]

Please tell me your kids know they are donor conceived people at least? I agree with others that changing their last name now isn’t great but it would be especially messed up if this is when they learn “dad” is not their bio father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many unkind people here. I think it’s understandable to want them to have your last name but I think you need to think about how they feel about it.

really unkind.
sorry OP.
basically she wanted to be a single mother by choice, was in a relationship but not ready for that level of committment, and you are shaming her?

I would think what it means to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Also, if the dad isn't really involved, could she do a paternity test (and prove he's not the genetic dad)?

[Anonymous]

Oh, $hit-- I see you are living and co-parenting together. That changes everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many unkind people here. I think it’s understandable to want them to have your last name but I think you need to think about how they feel about it.

really unkind.
sorry OP.
basically she wanted to be a single mother by choice, was in a relationship but not ready for that level of committment, and you are shaming her?

I would think what it means to the kids.

Yes, she should be ashamed of that.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are not going to want to explain why their last name changed. Leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, if the dad isn't really involved, could she do a paternity test (and prove he's not the genetic dad)?

Are you posting in the correct thread? Or drinking while posting?

[Anonymous]

A girl I went to school with. The parents were in a custody battle and she was forced to change her last name. It was a big deal to US, why did they change your name? Why are you now in a new homeroom? Lots of weird logistics.

Anyway don't do it... but maybe talk to someone about your grief with the loss of your dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am also a single mom by choice who used a sperm donor and did IVF, so I feel like I have some street cred here. Your kids are 8 years old. This is no longer about your journey. It’s not about your dad. It’s THEIR last name. Full stop. If they have the idea — fully on their own — to change their names when they are adults, so be it. But you committed to this man and are raising kids with him. Even if you part ways with him now, the kids keep his last night. That ship has sailed.

And get thee to a therapist. I don’t think you’re crazy but I do think you’re in turmoil.

Sorry others are being so freaking mean. I agree with this advice. - signed another parent via donation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also a single mom by choice who used a sperm donor and did IVF, so I feel like I have some street cred here. Your kids are 8 years old. This is no longer about your journey. It’s not about your dad. It’s THEIR last name. Full stop. If they have the idea — fully on their own — to change their names when they are adults, so be it. But you committed to this man and are raising kids with him. Even if you part ways with him now, the kids keep his last night. That ship has sailed.

And get thee to a therapist. I don’t think you’re crazy but I do think you’re in turmoil.

Sorry others are being so freaking mean. I agree with this advice. - signed another parent via donation

Ahhh, you’re biased because you had to throw in that you used a donor as well.

[Anonymous]

Do they call your co-parent 'Dad'??
and
Do they know that their are not the biological children of your co-parent?
This scenario is strange enough that I am suspecting this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they call your co-parent 'Dad'??
and
Do they know that their are not the biological children of your co-parent?
This scenario is strange enough that I am suspecting this is a troll.

This is very much a troll. No way a “conservative” woman at age 44 conceived with donor sperm, gave the last name as her boyfriend/roommate and now wants to change it 10 years later. Someone has a creative writing assignment.

[Anonymous]

You posted before. He is finically supporting them if he's paying the mortgage/housing. They are 100% your kids so you should be paying him rent.

[Anonymous]

Well, this was a dumb idea from jump so you might as well see it through for another 10 years. What were you thinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also a single mom by choice who used a sperm donor and did IVF, so I feel like I have some street cred here. Your kids are 8 years old. This is no longer about your journey. It’s not about your dad. It’s THEIR last name. Full stop. If they have the idea — fully on their own — to change their names when they are adults, so be it. But you committed to this man and are raising kids with him. Even if you part ways with him now, the kids keep his last night. That ship has sailed.

And get thee to a therapist. I don’t think you’re crazy but I do think you’re in turmoil.

Sorry others are being so freaking mean. I agree with this advice. - signed another parent via donation

I agree with this as well and ignore people who are being mean on this thread. I'm sorry your dad is in poor health. It sounds like you could really use someone to talk to about it all. My only other thought is that leaving the birth certificate as is provides a lot of protection for your kids while they are minors. It means that if something happens to you, the "co-parent" will be financially responsible for them. Have the two of you discussed what would happen in the case of your death? Do you have a will? Talk to a therapist, they can help you start thinking through all the FEELINGS, then you can have more clarity on what you want to do legally.