This is not how it works right?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote: She needs to get you copies, or at least the name of the atty so you can obtain them.

The day could come when she's in the hospital, with, say , a broken hip...and the dr and nurses are asking you what her directives are and are you the POA and do you have the paper? That's really stressful-ask me how I know! (mom had said 'the papers are in the safe'. This ended up actually meaning on a random tabletop in the same room as the safe, under other stuff....)


But if she is able to speak for herself then she can name a surrogate, in the absence of paperwork. The issue is if she’s unable to speak for herself.

The assisted living would typically request copies if the documents, but again - the fact that she designated OP as POA upon admission would likely suffice. It sounds like OP is more frustrated that their mom didn’t communicate with them about it prior. It does not sound like they wish to be POA.
Anonymous
^although I’m referring to medical POA. I think financial POA is different.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: She needs to get you copies, or at least the name of the atty so you can obtain them.

The day could come when she's in the hospital, with, say , a broken hip...and the dr and nurses are asking you what her directives are and are you the POA and do you have the paper? That's really stressful-ask me how I know! (mom had said 'the papers are in the safe'. This ended up actually meaning on a random tabletop in the same room as the safe, under other stuff....)


But if she is able to speak for herself then she can name a surrogate, in the absence of paperwork. The issue is if she’s unable to speak for herself.

The assisted living would typically request copies if the documents, but again - the fact that she designated OP as POA upon admission would likely suffice. It sounds like OP is more frustrated that their mom didn’t communicate with them about it prior. It does not sound like they wish to be POA.


OP here,

Exactly, I'm worried that she has something like a stroke, she needs me to act as POA, or to follow her advanced directives, and I don't have the documents or know what they say. I think, for example, if I'm her financial POA it would be helpful for me to know things like what bank she uses, and whether and what company she has for LTC insurance.

I don't mind being her POA, if I have the information to do it . I haven't had a great deal of contact with her over the past 4 years, because of crises in my own life, and I had assumed she had more contact with my brother than me since he lives close, so to hear her say that I'm the reliable one who answers the phone and she feels she can count on, makes me very sad for her.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Oh man, if you think this is bad?

Wow.

Your mother is in the top 1% of aging gracefully and responsibly. You have not even smelled a whiff of the vast mountain of shit that can fall upon adult children whose parents don’t do the things your mom has already done, proactively, until there’s a crisis. A crisis that may or may not involve literal shit.

Count your lucky stars, you sweet, innocent baby.


+100000

You are so lucky. My mom cannot handle any difficult decision. She managed to emigrate to this country and raise four lovely people, but now it’s like she’s a child who we cannot tell what to do.
Anonymous
I was named POA for my father. I didn't have copies of the paperwork until things went south. He had a medical emergency and ended up in the hospital. Over the couple of weeks while he was in the hospital I was able to find all of the documents in his place (he kept them in a safe in his place).

I wouldn't worry too much about it until it is needed. Hopefully over the course of time you will be able to get out of her the name of the attorney that drew up the documents.
Anonymous
If you want to know now either you or your brother should go to where she is and look at the documents she has and/or get the name of the attorney straight from her mouth. You can wait until something happens and you have to snap into action but I can tell you from experience it will be a lot easier if you already know the details before that happens.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Op, it’s possible the lawyer recorded the documents. You can look it up through the county office that records POAs, wills, etc, in her county. Try both her old county and her new one, if they are diffferent.

What state and county are you in? If you can not track the documents, down, you could also get her to sign and notarize new ones. Some states have forms you can use for this. Other states, you would need to hire a lawyer to draw them up.

You could also just start calling around to different trusts and estates lawyers in Tysons. I’m not sure if they are allowed to tell you or not if she is a client though.


A POA does not recorded by the county
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, it’s possible the lawyer recorded the documents. You can look it up through the county office that records POAs, wills, etc, in her county. Try both her old county and her new one, if they are diffferent.

What state and county are you in? If you can not track the documents, down, you could also get her to sign and notarize new ones. Some states have forms you can use for this. Other states, you would need to hire a lawyer to draw them up.

You could also just start calling around to different trusts and estates lawyers in Tysons. I’m not sure if they are allowed to tell you or not if she is a client though.


A POA does not recorded by the county


Would the advanced directive be recorded? Or the DNR? I just need one to get the attorney's name right?
Anonymous
Yes, it is better for you to have a copy of the dociments.

“Mom, before you move, I’d like to come for a visit. Do you have a file folder of important papers? I’d like to make a few copies, as that will help if I ever need to use the POAs”

She may have updated these along with a will. She mail not realize the attorney gave her a bundle containing everything, not just the will.
Anonymous
Another thought- ask your Mom how she found the attorney. They were probably recommended somehow. Follow that trail.

Your Mother sounds independent and able to make good decisions for herself. She just committed to a major life change. Give her a few days, and she can probably come up with a few more details.



Anonymous
I think the odds that she actually went to an attorney and created these documents is close to 0%. There is a reason she is being vague. She probably checked the boxes because she thinks she ought to have them, or because she has vague plans to create them someday
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