Being a parent to my kid with autism is like being in the worst abusive relationship I can't leave

[Anonymous]

Just another mom of teen with mental health issues saying your post was relatable. Hugs hugs hugs.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I hear you. I really really do.

[Anonymous]

Hugs during this difficult time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to everyone for the support and commiseration. I truly appreciate it. Hugs and empathy back to you all.

[Anonymous]

You are being abused. I just want to validate that you are. It’s not okay. I also understand that you have little choice now, but that doesn’t negate what you are going through. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being abused. I just want to validate that you are. It’s not okay. I also understand that you have little choice now, but that doesn’t negate what you are going through. Hugs.

+1
I'm sorry OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally get it. Have a son with serious mental health issues. There were a few years where the things we went through weren’t the sort of things we would even share. It became so lonely. Honestly we were always relieved when he got hospitalized because we got a break. I’m sorry OP and everyone else who gets this.

This.

I think we are heading toward another hospitalization. He’s 18. We try to support him to make good choices but mostly I feel like we are trying to save him until He is mature enough to start making good choices.

I’m honestly tired and it’s so hard to just be supportive when he won’t even take his meds reliably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so hard. We're new to this and my son is highly functioning but has issues reading people. He's 5 years old but very tall, so he seems older than he is. Today a dad at the pool started screaming and cursing at him and my child still wanted to play with his kids. We're starting ABA therapy soon but at this point in time I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

That dad acted horribly. No adult should scream and curse at a child. I'm sorry.

Seriously. I would have given that MFer a piece of my mind. I"m sorry that happened to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No suggestions. Just solidarity. It is so so hard. And it certainly isn’t as nice as they said Holland would be. Some days just suck and other days aren’t awful. That’s the bar…today wasn’t awful.

I love the poem reference btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No suggestions. Just solidarity. It is so so hard. And it certainly isn’t as nice as they said Holland would be. Some days just suck and other days aren’t awful. That’s the bar…today wasn’t awful.

I love the poem reference btw.

What poem? : )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No suggestions. Just solidarity. It is so so hard. And it certainly isn’t as nice as they said Holland would be. Some days just suck and other days aren’t awful. That’s the bar…today wasn’t awful.

I love the poem reference btw.

What poem? : )

Different poster. The poem is welcome to Holland, which many parents seem to like. But that poem pisses me
Off with the fire of a thousand suns. It is all this zen nonsense of “well it may be different but it is still awesome in a different way.” Which isn’t the case at all for my 12 year old that is cognitively 9 months old. It is actually pretty terrible — not awesome Amsterdam when I thought I would get Paris.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No suggestions. Just solidarity. It is so so hard. And it certainly isn’t as nice as they said Holland would be. Some days just suck and other days aren’t awful. That’s the bar…today wasn’t awful.

I love the poem reference btw.

What poem? : )

Different poster. The poem is welcome to Holland, which many parents seem to like. But that poem pisses me
Off with the fire of a thousand suns. It is all this zen nonsense of “well it may be different but it is still awesome in a different way.” Which isn’t the case at all for my 12 year old that is cognitively 9 months old. It is actually pretty terrible — not awesome Amsterdam when I thought I would get Paris.

I just went and looked it up again. The woman who wrote this had a kid with Down syndrome who was high functioning enough to perform in many TV shows. I’m glad she has a nice life. And I don’t want to minimize her challenges. But people send it to all special needs parents and really some of us have situations that don’t make us feel like we are in Holland.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I wish my kid were less higher functioning because a kid who can't walk and talk also can't fight with you about every single thing, every single effing day. I am so over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. My husband and son have ADHD and HFA and it's only horrible on occasion. Not every day, or even every week. Rarely when my husband goes round the bend and makes us all suffer, or they start to fight, or I need to save what my son has completely messed up, I want to kill myself, but then I realize, why would I suffer for the idiocies of others? I still have years of life to enjoy with my friends, and my other child who is delightful and deserves my love and care. So I power through.

Hugs from me. What sort of plan do you have for respite care?

If your husband's behavior is so bad that it makes you feel suicidal, you need to be thinking about divorce. If not for you, then for your children who are learning that behavior is acceptable.

Not this PP but similar situation. Divorce doesn't make sense because then DH would be alone with the kids a lot, and that would be a disaster. Plus it would be a huge financial hit. I wish I could send my DH and DS away and just parent my other two. Although DH and DS are both disasters, it's DH that is the bigger problem. It is really, really tough to live like this but there aren't easy (or any) solutions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. My husband and son have ADHD and HFA and it's only horrible on occasion. Not every day, or even every week. Rarely when my husband goes round the bend and makes us all suffer, or they start to fight, or I need to save what my son has completely messed up, I want to kill myself, but then I realize, why would I suffer for the idiocies of others? I still have years of life to enjoy with my friends, and my other child who is delightful and deserves my love and care. So I power through.

Hugs from me. What sort of plan do you have for respite care?

If your husband's behavior is so bad that it makes you feel suicidal, you need to be thinking about divorce. If not for you, then for your children who are learning that behavior is acceptable.

Not this PP but similar situation. Divorce doesn't make sense because then DH would be alone with the kids a lot, and that would be a disaster. Plus it would be a huge financial hit. I wish I could send my DH and DS away and just parent my other two. Although DH and DS are both disasters, it's DH that is the bigger problem. It is really, really tough to live like this but there aren't easy (or any) solutions.

DP. Also in similar situation. DH is not autistic, but I suspect he has ADHD, the inattentive type. I sometimes fantasize about divorce and just running away with my younger child (who is a dream to parent), but in reality, divorce would be a financial and logistical disaster, and would greatly exacerbate my SN older child's already significant behavioral challenges -- I know that he wouldn't be able to handle this type of disruption to his life. Some days I feel totally trapped. I would only admit this on an anonymous forum.