Spin Off - Grieving the spouse I lost to mental illness

[Anonymous]

OP I am so sorry you're trapped in this. You say your kids are teens. As soon as they are at college, leave, for your own health and sanity. Just go. You have time to plan this now and to open a separate account, where you can squirrel away small sums until you have more of a balance.

Just wait then go. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

OP, my mother was you. It would have been much better for us kids if she had left my father. I know divorce is more complicated now than a generation ago, but a break from the abuse even 50% of the time would have made an incredible difference for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH and your kids with mental issues could all be exposed to the same environmental factors. I'm a problem solver, but if I were in your shoes I would be researching all possibilities -- mold, lyme disease, contaminants in the water pipes like lead, chronic strep, whether symptoms began after a move, etc.

NP. I know this response tried to come from a good place but it’s so unhelpful.

Some problems cannot be solved.

I get it, OP. My parents are both mentally ill. I allow myself to grieve and feel bad for never having a real family. It’s the reality, and it hurts, and you acknowledge it and then you can move on.

True, some problems cannot be solved - but some problems can. My defiant explosively rage-y DC with paralyzing OCD and anxiety improved hugely - now nearly back to normal and still improving - after we learned our house had multiple mold issues and moved. I used to be just as skeptical about mold, Lyme, etc., but indeed, sometimes there is an environmental or other cause that, if treated, can make a real difference in the person’s mental health.

OP, sending you love and my hope for a better future for you and yours.

[Anonymous]

Did he truly change? Was he kind and loving or manipulative and love-bombing. Narcissists are usually quite charming, into giving lots of compliments and love bombing with gifts. You may want to check out some of Dr. Ramani's videos and see if it applies to him.