Socializing at pickup question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you socialize with the moms during pick up? I’m not sure I should engage because I don’t want anything to get awkward and then have to dodge someone at pickup. There are a lot of neighbors out not just a few. I typically hate chit chat and shallow convos but realize this is part of the gateway to get to know someone better.

Is it worth it? Or should I just take my phone out and wait for my kid. I also do not want drama.

Np Your post is all over the place. You don't want to be awkward but, don't like to chit chat so that sounds like you aren't looking to make friends but, then you say chit chat is the gateway to know someone better.

So first ask yourself do you want to make friends or be distant? If distant and no drama just keep chat polite and say good morning and talk about the weather.

If you want friends than yes than you have to engage in more than idle social chit chat.

If you don't want drama just say good morning at the bare minimum.

My advice would be to ask yourself what you want. Then please don't make assumptions about other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you have a lot of social anxiety. You seem to be catastrophizing about a situation that is rarely to never eventful.

Chit chat is not always innocuous socially as you make it out to be.

And not always so dramatic as you make it out to be. How can saying good morning be dangerous?

By talking to other parents I have found information that is useful..like how to handle some teachers or crime in the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Yes it is worth it! I feel like I didn't start until after my kid was in the school for a year or so, just because masks make it SO awkward to read people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord OP why would there be drama making small talk at pickup?

I hope none but you know a little jealousy, a little mom competition, a little offensive comment, the list goes on and on. I like keeping to myself as a 42 year old mom.

Ok, we’ll just stand there and don’t talk then. If hosting a party would be nightmare for you, you’re unlikely to want to receive a lot of invitations either. It’s not a big deal either way-as you get older children make their own friends and parents play much less of a role

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord OP why would there be drama making small talk at pickup?

You’re too pollyannaish.

No I’m not. I have teens so have been around parents for years and random small talk has never led to drama. Serving on the PTO, hell yes drama. Room parent, yup drama. But small talk at pick up? No

OP based on your follow up post, please make the effort for your kids. Even if you don’t enjoy other moms.

There can be drama in all social situations. And because pick up is very frequently, it can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord OP why would there be drama making small talk at pickup?

You’re too pollyannaish.

No I’m not. I have teens so have been around parents for years and random small talk has never led to drama. Serving on the PTO, hell yes drama. Room parent, yup drama. But small talk at pick up? No

OP based on your follow up post, please make the effort for your kids. Even if you don’t enjoy other moms.

There can be drama in all social situations. And because pick up is very frequently, it can happen.

Is this OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord OP why would there be drama making small talk at pickup?

You’re too pollyannaish.

No I’m not. I have teens so have been around parents for years and random small talk has never led to drama. Serving on the PTO, hell yes drama. Room parent, yup drama. But small talk at pick up? No

OP based on your follow up post, please make the effort for your kids. Even if you don’t enjoy other moms.

There can be drama in all social situations. And because pick up is very frequently, it can happen.

Is this OP?

No

[Anonymous]

Municipalities need to start putting Xanax in the water supplies. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

There's a very big gap between smiling and saying "Hey, how are you?" and drama. Just be nice. See where it leads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you socialize with the moms during pick up? I’m not sure I should engage because I don’t want anything to get awkward and then have to dodge someone at pickup. There are a lot of neighbors out not just a few. I typically hate chit chat and shallow convos but realize this is part of the gateway to get to know someone better.

Is it worth it? Or should I just take my phone out and wait for my kid. I also do not want drama.

Np Your post is all over the place. You don't want to be awkward but, don't like to chit chat so that sounds like you aren't looking to make friends but, then you say chit chat is the gateway to know someone better.

So first ask yourself do you want to make friends or be distant? If distant and no drama just keep chat polite and say good morning and talk about the weather.

If you want friends than yes than you have to engage in more than idle social chit chat.

If you don't want drama just say good morning at the bare minimum.

My advice would be to ask yourself what you want. Then please don't make assumptions about other people.

Good advice. I want something in between. A little more than weather talk BUT not a competitive fast moving conversation that is a comparison fest or drama shallow. I’ve seen my share of those since preschool days, the moms were ruthless to each other but these were younger moms 20’s where I was upper 30’s and now 40’s. I actually don’t know if what I want exist. Friendly conversation about things that can’t be too heavy. Crime watch info and school info can be all exchanged on our neighborhood FB page. Some parents like to post a lot on there.

I’ll figure it out. I’m happier without drama, obligations and playing any type of social dynamics game. I just don’t have time for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you socialize with the moms during pick up? I’m not sure I should engage because I don’t want anything to get awkward and then have to dodge someone at pickup. There are a lot of neighbors out not just a few. I typically hate chit chat and shallow convos but realize this is part of the gateway to get to know someone better.

Is it worth it? Or should I just take my phone out and wait for my kid. I also do not want drama.

Np Your post is all over the place. You don't want to be awkward but, don't like to chit chat so that sounds like you aren't looking to make friends but, then you say chit chat is the gateway to know someone better.

So first ask yourself do you want to make friends or be distant? If distant and no drama just keep chat polite and say good morning and talk about the weather.

If you want friends than yes than you have to engage in more than idle social chit chat.

If you don't want drama just say good morning at the bare minimum.

My advice would be to ask yourself what you want. Then please don't make assumptions about other people.

Good advice. I want something in between. A little more than weather talk BUT not a competitive fast moving conversation that is a comparison fest or drama shallow. I’ve seen my share of those since preschool days, the moms were ruthless to each other but these were younger moms 20’s where I was upper 30’s and now 40’s. I actually don’t know if what I want exist. Friendly conversation about things that can’t be too heavy. Crime watch info and school info can be all exchanged on our neighborhood FB page. Some parents like to post a lot on there.

I’ll figure it out. I’m happier without drama, obligations and playing any type of social dynamics game. I just don’t have time for that.

Yet you're looking at it behind every corner.

[Anonymous]

I never want to do school pick up, because it feels like yet another mundane task that eats into the seemingly never ending list of errands that I would prefer to get over with during the week in order to keep our weekends free.

That being said, I enjoy bumping into other parents, but also like the fact that it is a time-limited encounter. We moved to a new school during the pandemic, and I feel like pre-Covid, parent friendships happened much more organically at more “structured” school related social activities/get-togethers, rather than just standing around at pickup. Though after reading this thread I now feel like I need to do pickup more frequently, lol.

[Anonymous]

If you walk over to a group of people standing around, but then whip out your phone and pretend to be deeply engrossed while pointedly ignoring everyone around you, you will be talked about as obnoxious and stand-offish. Won't THAT be awkward?

[Anonymous]

Parenting can be hell for socially awkward, introverted people.

I generally like and am liked by other people and want my kids and our family to have a place in the world. It's completely possible to not get swept up in any drama unless you insist upon it.

[Anonymous]

Are you talking a small number of people gathering for pickup? If it's like 20 people, then yes, it may be awkward if you don't interact and look at your phone every day. At my son's school, though, pickup has a few hundred parents milling around. I'm pretty introverted and some days I don't engage while other days I may talk with others. While I am always friendly with other parents, I've never felt the need to find best mom friends or be part of a clique (and my school has many). I just let things flow and sometimes I meet someone I click with and sometimes I don't. I don't really stress about it.