Socializing at pickup question

[Anonymous]

Do you socialize with the moms during pick up? I’m not sure I should engage because I don’t want anything to get awkward and then have to dodge someone at pickup. There are a lot of neighbors out not just a few. I typically hate chit chat and shallow convos but realize this is part of the gateway to get to know someone better.

Is it worth it? Or should I just take my phone out and wait for my kid. I also do not want drama.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that's part of why I try to do pickup occasionally even though I WOHM. That's how parents exchange information, and get comfortable with families so playdates are more likely to get made. If they see you, they'll be more likely to invite you to gatherings (particularly for younger kids, where relationships are sometimes parent driven.) But if you don't want to, it's not obligatory.

[Anonymous]

Just do the chit chat. It's good for you.

[Anonymous]

Good lord OP why would there be drama making small talk at pickup?

[Anonymous]

So weird! Of course I talk with the other parents at pick up. What else would you do? Stare at your phone? Even my husband talks to other parents when he is picking up or dropping off the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, that's part of why I try to do pickup occasionally even though I WOHM. That's how parents exchange information, and get comfortable with families so playdates are more likely to get made. If they see you, they'll be more likely to invite you to gatherings (particularly for younger kids, where relationships are sometimes parent driven.) But if you don't want to, it's not obligatory.

I want to but we keep things pretty tight and are not super social. We like family life and not too many complications. I would attend so my child could attend but I would never host a gathering in my house or anything - that would be a nightmare for me. Also, my kids are in mid elementary grades and when they were younger I tried to do a couple playdates with moms and found them dreadful talking to the moms.

But we've moved to a new neighborhood so I guess I'm a little more open so that is why I was wondering if I should or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord OP why would there be drama making small talk at pickup?

I hope none but you know a little jealousy, a little mom competition, a little offensive comment, the list goes on and on. I like keeping to myself as a 42 year old mom.

[Anonymous]

Of course. Don’t stand there and not talk.

[Anonymous]

IME very few people chat at pick up unless they already know each other. Lots of people standing around with their phones. For like the first 8 months of pick up I never talked to anyone, not because I wasn't willing to, but because there was literally no one to talk to (I'm not going to approach someone who is staring at their phone or involved in a conversation with someone else.

Then I finally met another parent from my kid's class at a birthday party and after that I'd talk to her, and then through her met some other people, and now it's not awkward -- I talk to people I know when I see them and otherwise I'll bring a book and it's fine.

But getting past that first intro was hard.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you have a lot of social anxiety. You seem to be catastrophizing about a situation that is rarely to never eventful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord OP why would there be drama making small talk at pickup?

You’re too pollyannaish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you have a lot of social anxiety. You seem to be catastrophizing about a situation that is rarely to never eventful.

Chit chat is not always innocuous socially as you make it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord OP why would there be drama making small talk at pickup?

You’re too pollyannaish.

No I’m not. I have teens so have been around parents for years and random small talk has never led to drama. Serving on the PTO, hell yes drama. Room parent, yup drama. But small talk at pick up? No

OP based on your follow up post, please make the effort for your kids. Even if you don’t enjoy other moms.

[Anonymous]

The good thing is that pickup has a distinct end. The kids come out you leave.

[Anonymous]

It's not so much about being liked but if you never look like you would want to be approached, that's weird. Don't be looking at your phone, not much.