I'm going through some very rough times and can't tell anyone....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sending you lots of support. You don't deserve any of this and I wish you didn't have to deal with so much. If you tell your siblings about your dad, I suspect they won't believe it. It's so disturbing and yet cliche that abusers are charming and often even admired by those who don't know the darkness.

I hope you can increase the therapy. Also, have you tried online support groups?

I am going to be very selfish here and ask you how you discovered the growth in the small intestine. My daughter has been through scopes and MRE and they suspect something is wrong in the small intestine, but now want a pillcam. It seems so hard to explore that area. I pray your biopsy shows it is benign I truly do.

Please keep us posted and know we are cheering you on and care.

Also, I hope with therapy you can also feel more comfortable setting major boundaries with your siblings. I wish they were more cooperative.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through all this, OP. Sending you hugs and positive vibes.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you tell anyone? It doesn’t make sense.

[Anonymous]

When you are going through hell, keep going. Hang in there OP. One thing at a time. Get through the estate issue first. Then take a breath. Sending you support.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. I’m dealing with similar issues and it’s isolating and painful. Wish we could hang out a drink wine and talk through it. Do you have a friend you can confide in? That’s the only way I’ve been able to keep going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you tell anyone? It doesn’t make sense.

I have been in OPs shoes. A lot of people cannot fathom child abuse and cannot handle hearing about it. Also, some people cannot handle that many bad things can happen to good people so they assume you are either being dramatic or maybe you did something to deserve it all. Also, sometimes it makes people so anxious to hear such things they avoid you. I am very careful who I share things with and it evolves. My most sheltered and fortunate friend eventually went through a rough patch where life hurled many awful things at her. She went into a depression and then she woke up, got help and realized how naive she had been and felt bad about her tendency to blame the victim.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m so sorry you going through all of this. We are coming to terms with the fallout from prior molestation in our family and I know how sad and isolated you must feel. Do you think it’s possible your dad also molested your siblings?

[Anonymous]

I'm in therapy and finally dealing with the horrors of what my Dad did to me - good

Your Husband is unimportant. Divorce him. Get financial advice first and divorce him. The marriage was over long ago when he cheated.

My family leans on me - stop this. They will perish or thrive on their own. Stop this care taking. Btw, CPA's can always file late. Btw, you can get-out-of your executor duties, legally.

[Anonymous]

That’s a lot to carry hon. I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice. Just wanted to send you some hugs OP. I hope your health issue resolves favorably and you find a place that allows you to deal, as you want to, with your father and husband.

+1

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry.

You may want to pick up the Codependent No More daily meditations book. Lots of great, uplifting advice in short daily nuggets (warning that there’s frequent mention of god that you need to overlook if you don’t believe )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you tell anyone? It doesn’t make sense.

I have been in OPs shoes. A lot of people cannot fathom child abuse and cannot handle hearing about it. Also, some people cannot handle that many bad things can happen to good people so they assume you are either being dramatic or maybe you did something to deserve it all. Also, sometimes it makes people so anxious to hear such things they avoid you. I am very careful who I share things with and it evolves. My most sheltered and fortunate friend eventually went through a rough patch where life hurled many awful things at her. She went into a depression and then she woke up, got help and realized how naive she had been and felt bad about her tendency to blame the victim.

+1 to this. My father was an abusive a$$hole but, oh so, charming. We (my mother, me and my siblings) hid just how horrible he was. It took me YEARS to stop hiding that and it was astounding how many people came to his defense - people who weren't around when he trashed the house, berating and beating the shit out of us all. And, don't get me started on telling people how my 'do gooder' mother enabled him. I'm glad I've reached the age of 'no more f@cks to give' and truly don't care to protect their 'legacies' or whether they believe me or not.

[Anonymous]

As sh!tty as this DCUM can be, I think this is an area where you can find the support you need that you can't find in your real life. I'm the PP who is at an age that I don't have any more f@cks to give. I wish you were in the place that I'm at now. I don't know why it took me so long to get to this place but I chalk it up to conditioning - both by family and by society.

I agree with PPs that have said you no longer need to feel compelled to keep secrets. Yes, it can be re-traumatizing to bring it up and not be believed. This is where not giving a f@ck comes in handy.

I also agree with the PP said that you don't need your DH. Again, this is where not giving a f@ck can come in handy. I guess it's about knowing, really knowing, your worth. You ARE an amazing person, OP! I wish I knew you in real life so we could have coffee and I could tell you that you CAN do this on your own. You've done so much already. Now it's time to really own your life. Do it! Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As sh!tty as this DCUM can be, I think this is an area where you can find the support you need that you can't find in your real life. I'm the PP who is at an age that I don't have any more f@cks to give. I wish you were in the place that I'm at now. I don't know why it took me so long to get to this place but I chalk it up to conditioning - both by family and by society.

I agree with PPs that have said you no longer need to feel compelled to keep secrets. Yes, it can be re-traumatizing to bring it up and not be believed. This is where not giving a f@ck comes in handy.

I also agree with the PP said that you don't need your DH. Again, this is where not giving a f@ck can come in handy. I guess it's about knowing, really knowing, your worth. You ARE an amazing person, OP! I wish I knew you in real life so we could have coffee and I could tell you that you CAN do this on your own. You've done so much already. Now it's time to really own your life. Do it! Hugs!

This really made me feel better. All day I have been thinking about suicide and how I would do it. This really helped me as did other PPs comments. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP.

Your marriage and your needs come first before your siblings and a tax return. If you file it late, you file it late. If you can get the courage, tell a sibling you are having bowel issues or other issues, and turn the tax and estate stuff over to them to handle.

Your intestines are probably fine. Why is your marriage "falling apart?" Can you try to double down to salvage it?