Cousins' relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Until you don’t. Life is long.

Well we’re in our 60s so . . .

Oh then ..life is short. 😀

One of the more interesting things about DCUM is how nasty the women get whenever someone says they’re from a happy and stable family. Why is that, do you think?

I’m a man. Misogynist much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Until you don’t. Life is long.

Well we’re in our 60s so . . .

Oh then ..life is short. 😀

One of the more interesting things about DCUM is how nasty the women get whenever someone says they’re from a happy and stable family. Why is that, do you think?

I’m a man. Misogynist much.

Sure you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's hard for people to fathom how someone could have no relationship with their siblings. If you have experienced it, you'd know that whether the cousins have a relationship isn't a huge concern given the circumstances.

I am close with my siblings and the rest of my family, but I married into a family that seemed to be close but in reality were a ticking time bomb on the verge of imploding at the smallest of conflicts. Fast forward 15 years and we don't really have much of a relationship with DH's family any more (at his insistence). His brother in particular is truly awful and they haven't spoken in years. I couldn't care less about my kids knowing my BIL's kids. It comes at too high of a price. I never thought I'd feel that way as someone who comes from a close-knit family, but here we are. I won't speak ill of them in front of my kids and I won't prevent my kids from getting to know their cousins when they're older if they choose, but we aren't going to subject ourselves to DH's family simply for the kids.

Same here with my husband's family. Honestly, the cousins (who are all older than our kids) were never particularly nice to nor interested in our kids. One of them last year visited and was kind, but after what his mom did to my husband, our kids won't see him again. They have some fake cousins of our best friends and honestly they're way closer to them than they ever were to their actual cousins (I am an only child so there are no cousins on my side).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Sure you do. 👍

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Sure you do. 👍

Yea, sorry, but t's true. Not everyone in the DVM is all F__cked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Sure you do. 👍

Yea, sorry, but t's true. Not everyone in the DVM is all F__cked up.

Why are you sorry? For your foul language? You sound a little f-up (as you would say) yourself and angry 😡. Can’t be good for your family life. Good luck. Classy. 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed a trend in this group: "I have no relationship with my siblings". What about your kids? Do they know their cousins? If you have no relationship with your siblings, do you make an effort for cousins' sake? How does that work exactly?

I only have one sibling and his kids and my kids get along fine. We live across the country so the relationships are somewhat limited.

My husband has three siblings and my kids have eight cousins on that side. Unfortunately the ones closest in age to my kids have been jerks to my youngest (the baby cousin) over the years and the baby's older sister is fiercely protective so it's hit or miss.

[Anonymous]

People obsessed with cousins are…. Odd.

[Anonymous]

I am not close to my extended family except one aunt/uncle (and not really their kids.) But my husband’s entire extended family is very close on both sides. It’s kind of astonishing to me and seemed so bizarre when I first met them all. But now, 20 years in, I love it. And my kids are close to not only their first cousins, but also my husband’s first cousins and their kids too (my kids second cousins.) People live all over the country but we see some combination of them every year or two and sometimes more. It’s pretty cool actually.

[Anonymous]

I am not close with my siblings. The last time we lived in the same town, they were in elementary and middle school. We don’t have much in common as adults but I wouldn’t say there is no relationship. Our kids never lived in the same part of the country. My son and my sister’s son have become pretty close and talk almost daily, through Discord. This started with a common video game interest.

I never lived in the same town as any of my cousins but some of us have become closer as adults. It’s easier to keep in touch now with the internet and we have even traveled to see each other a few times. Our family is huge so everyone is not close with every other person.

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old daughter is currently having a virtual playdate with her cousin, as they do most mornings during the summer when they're not in camp. They were born 2 weeks apart and get along very well.

On the other side of the family we see them maybe once a year (they live on the West coast) and they get along when we're together but they don't know each other as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cousin relationships are overrated.. Kids will form their own adult relationships of their own choosing when they grow up. (hopefully).

This. I think when you force it it causes problems. I cam from a very dysfunctional family, but they were determined to look normal and we had extended family gatherings with "the cousins." I bloom where i am planted and developed friendships with 2 cousins which our parents then sabotaged with every tool a dysfunctional family uses: comparison, bad mouthing and gossip, rumors, triangulation. We are no longer close and it's fine with me. We were forced together, I did what I thought my family wanted and they broke it up.

I am always wary of families that get too nutty about the whole "cousins!!!" thing. I think if you are truly close and the personalities mesh, it's a beautiful thing when cousins become close too. Those people tend to be matter of fact about it. You can tell some people just need to out on a show and pretend to be some tight knit clan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Until you don’t. Life is long.

Well we’re in our 60s so . . .

Oh then ..life is short. 😀

One of the more interesting things about DCUM is how nasty the women get whenever someone says they’re from a happy and stable family. Why is that, do you think?

I don't think anyone is reacting to your supposedly happy and stable family. Personally, I think that's great. People are reacting to your smug, nasty attitude.

But you already knew that, you're just trying to further stir the pot.

[Anonymous]

I have no relationship with my parents or my siblings so therefore my kids don’t see or know their cousins. (They know the grandparents but no longer have any contact.) I’m trying to understand how this would even work, eg, sibling hasn’t spoken to me in 6 years, blocked me on social media, etc, but our kids are going to hang out? How would that come about?

I would love to have parents & siblings - in theory - and therefore for my kids to have cousin relationships in the way I see other families have these things. But sadly, in reality, I can’t have those relationships with these particular people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no relationship with my parents or my siblings so therefore my kids don’t see or know their cousins. (They know the grandparents but no longer have any contact.) I’m trying to understand how this would even work, eg, sibling hasn’t spoken to me in 6 years, blocked me on social media, etc, but our kids are going to hang out? How would that come about?

I would love to have parents & siblings - in theory - and therefore for my kids to have cousin relationships in the way I see other families have these things. But sadly, in reality, I can’t have those relationships with these particular people.

Yea, and I'm sure none of this is your fault. It's always somebody else's fault. DCUM is full of perfect women who inexplicably have awful families and even worse in laws. None of it is ever their fault, though.