Cousins' relationships

[Anonymous]

I noticed a trend in this group: "I have no relationship with my siblings". What about your kids? Do they know their cousins? If you have no relationship with your siblings, do you make an effort for cousins' sake? How does that work exactly?

[Anonymous]

Cousin relationships are overrated.. Kids will form their own adult relationships of their own choosing when they grow up. (hopefully).

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. I’m 50 and just met up with cousins and second cousins and it was so great. We reminisced and made some new memories. My kids also know their 5 cousins and while the siblings aren’t super close, have made an effort to have some family vacations. They live knowing their cousins.

[Anonymous]

I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

[Anonymous]

Cousin relationships are not overrated. My younger kids idolize their older cousins and the cousins love being the cool big kids teaching my kids things. I have all 5 kids this week (we live far apart and only see each other once a year) and all the kids are so delighted. They may not stay friends as adults, and thats totally fine, its can be such a special and unique bond as kids that's different from siblings (love/hate relationships generally) and friends (peers)

[Anonymous]

I think it's hard for people to fathom how someone could have no relationship with their siblings. If you have experienced it, you'd know that whether the cousins have a relationship isn't a huge concern given the circumstances.

I am close with my siblings and the rest of my family, but I married into a family that seemed to be close but in reality were a ticking time bomb on the verge of imploding at the smallest of conflicts. Fast forward 15 years and we don't really have much of a relationship with DH's family any more (at his insistence). His brother in particular is truly awful and they haven't spoken in years. I couldn't care less about my kids knowing my BIL's kids. It comes at too high of a price. I never thought I'd feel that way as someone who comes from a close-knit family, but here we are. I won't speak ill of them in front of my kids and I won't prevent my kids from getting to know their cousins when they're older if they choose, but we aren't going to subject ourselves to DH's family simply for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's hard for people to fathom how someone could have no relationship with their siblings. If you have experienced it, you'd know that whether the cousins have a relationship isn't a huge concern given the circumstances.

I am close with my siblings and the rest of my family, but I married into a family that seemed to be close but in reality were a ticking time bomb on the verge of imploding at the smallest of conflicts. Fast forward 15 years and we don't really have much of a relationship with DH's family any more (at his insistence). His brother in particular is truly awful and they haven't spoken in years. I couldn't care less about my kids knowing my BIL's kids. It comes at too high of a price. I never thought I'd feel that way as someone who comes from a close-knit family, but here we are. I won't speak ill of them in front of my kids and I won't prevent my kids from getting to know their cousins when they're older if they choose, but we aren't going to subject ourselves to DH's family simply for the kids.

And your kids will be just fine! Your DH is smart to break away from that dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Until you don’t. Life is long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed a trend in this group: "I have no relationship with my siblings". What about your kids? Do they know their cousins? If you have no relationship with your siblings, do you make an effort for cousins' sake? How does that work exactly?

I have no relationship with a sibling. That sibling has no children, but if they did I assume my kids would not have met them, just like they have never met my sibling.

[Anonymous]

I have a great relationship with my siblings as did my parents before me, but I don't think it would a disaster if I'd never met my cousins. We've never been close due largely to geography. I assume people who don't maintain relationships with their siblings have good reasons for it and their kids will grow up having closer relationships with friends/children of their parents' friends and be none the worse for it.

[Anonymous]

None of our siblings had children, so my kids have no cousins. DH and I grew up with dozens of cousins, so it's hard for us to fathom, but at least we had 3 kids so they'll have siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Until you don’t. Life is long.

Well we’re in our 60s so . . .

[Anonymous]

My DD is an only and we LOVE her same age cousin. We call them cousin twins and they're besties. They get together about once or twice a week so enough to be really close by not too much to annoy each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Until you don’t. Life is long.

Well we’re in our 60s so . . .

Oh then ..life is short. 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "smug" poster. My spouse and I both have great relationships with our siblings and cousins, and so do our kids with theirs.

Until you don’t. Life is long.

Well we’re in our 60s so . . .

Oh then ..life is short. 😀

One of the more interesting things about DCUM is how nasty the women get whenever someone says they’re from a happy and stable family. Why is that, do you think?