If your spouse has ADHD..
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Anonymous
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My husband has severe ADHD with a high IQ and I have mild ADHD with less stratospheric IQ. My son has severe ADHD and my sort of IQ, and DD has mild ADHD with her father's high IQ. That's genetic reassortment for you. I hope none of my kids will develop their paternal grandfather's bipolar disorder, or their first cousin's severe depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies, my mother's MS or my auto-immune disorder. We're dealing with enough already.
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Anonymous
People with ADHD are fun people, not pariahs. As children, they can be extra obnoxious but they grow out of that. |
Anonymous
BECAUSE IT CAN BE INVISIBLE. There's the hyperactive type and inattentive type. When you're meeting as single people with no obligations, the executive function aspect of it can be completely fine. And then when you add in the responsibilities of owning a house (maintenance, repairs, yardwork), and children (parenting, scheduling, planning ahead) and moving higher up the chain at work, plus possible grandparent wrangling as they get older... ... the person's executive functioning abilities will not be able to keep up, and that's when resentment grows and that person starts gaslighting and projecting because it's really hard to admit they're messing up all the time. Stop blaming young adults for not seeing all the red flags. Sometimes there aren't any! |
Anonymous
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+ 1 12:15 poster. Everything you said.
My DH was diagnosed after DD was born. In hindsight his ADHD was what made him successful in life- hyper focus on sports, job, school, etc was a good thing for him for decades. It was only after the additional responsibilities (and uncontrollable schedule and distractions!) of a child that he blew up and we knew something was wrong. DD definitely has ADHD. She is in 1st grade and it’s not noticeable at school because her teachers only see a well-behaved girl with tidy handwriting in a sea of boy chaos. However, her schoolwork reflects that something is off and we see many signs of ADHD in how she plays during her free time. On the bright side, she is super-focused at her two individual sports and it’s helped her find a lot of success and confidence. We talk openly in an age-appropriate way about routines, minimizing distractions in her environment, and using her writing skills to make a list or a plan. Like another PP, I am mostly ok with ADHD because the rest of the family on both sides have slowly been diagnosed with alcoholism, bipolar disorder, depression, and autism. No guarantees that those won’t strike at some point, but I acknowledge that it could be way more challenging. |
Anonymous
Dont take this the wrong way, but as a guy I’m thrilled I dodged you. |
Anonymous
It’s extremely prevalent. It’s like trying to avoid marrying someone with blonde hair. |
Anonymous
There were no obvious signs for us. My kids were diagnosed at 11 and 16. 11 year old was diagnosed through neuropsych testing for learning disabilities. We had no idea he had ADHD. Once he was diagnosed we realized he 16 year old had many of the same qualities and she was diagnosed soon after. Both kids have inattentive ADHD After those 2 diagnoses we realized DH had ADHD as well. This was. Few months ago. |
Anonymous
| FWIW, there are some very vocal posters on this forum who hate their husbands and blame it on ADHD or on ASD or on whatever. That doesn't mean that the problem is ADHD or whatever. But it's easy to blame, easier than to blame the husband or the wife or the dynamic. |
Anonymous
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I have inattentive ADHD, diagnosed as an adult after my DS's diagnosis of inattentive ADHD/HFA/anxiety. DH has ADHD combined type diagnosed when he was young. Our DD has quite the temper but otherwise seems pretty neurotypical so far, ha.
On my side of the family it's pretty obvious that my dad is on the spectrum. He's high functioning but is so rigid and has what I recognize now as the perseverations and focused interests that typify ASD. He's very social, though. Helps that his interests are telling people about music and remembering details about other people. Great dad but embarrassed the hell out of me growing up. I mention this because when I met DH, I immediately recognized his sibling as very similar to my dad and they also have HFA. I believe ADHD and ASD are on the same continuum and are found in the same families. |
Anonymous
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Psychologist here. ADHD has very high familial heritability.. estimates around 50% likelihood if a parent has it. There are 3 subtypes so there won't be one telltale-sign especially because girls tend to have the harder-to-diagnose (less obvious) subtype.
My husband has it, we have two kids and I don't believe my boy has it, younger girl too soon to tell but hyperactive subtype unlikely. |
Anonymous
| DH has it but neither of my kids have been diagnosed. Sometimes I think my 11 shows small signs but he doesn’t meet the criteria to actually classify. |
Anonymous
| Yes. |
Anonymous
Because they can be wildly successful and are ruthlessly competitive. My DH was a division 1 athlete, made a ton of $$$$ in pharma sales and now runs the US arm of a huge biotech. He's such a go getter. |
Anonymous
Right? One of the positives about ashd is the ability to hyperfocus on things that interest the person. For a Baby that could mean anything from cocomelon to a light fixture. |
Anonymous
I can't imagine dating some hum drum mediocre dud without it. |