Using family as a sperm donor

[Anonymous]

Single Mom by Choice. I used an anonymous donor though I have a friend who used a friend (he didn't want children of his own to raise). They drew up a legal agreement and I think he rarely sees the kids. How close is your husband to this cousin. It could put them in a possible awkward situation. And even with a legal agreement, you never know what could go wrong.

Have you been on any donor sperm sites. You can get full medical history, pictures, essays, etc.

[Anonymous]

I will go against the majority here and encourage you to use an in-family donor.

Of course there are risks. But isn’t everything a risk? Besides the reward here is great! And it’s good to “keep it in the family” in this case since the DNA will at least be similar to your husbands.

[Anonymous]

We are a lesbian couple and used a known donor and very happy with the choice. Anonymous is fine too but I don’t trusr banks to do proper due diligence on their donors. If you go through a Fertility clinic for the IVF/IUI and work with a lawyer the risks are minimal. A lot of people saying otherwise do not actually know anything about this process.

[Anonymous]

Single mom by choice here. I used an anonymous donor. No one is getting legal access to my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a lesbian couple and used a known donor and very happy with the choice. Anonymous is fine too but I don’t trusr banks to do proper due diligence on their donors. If you go through a Fertility clinic for the IVF/IUI and work with a lawyer the risks are minimal. A lot of people saying otherwise do not actually know anything about this process.

Congrats on your parenthood!

OP - you might consider all the voices here, then do your own research. Especially legal.

Your plan could work. Assuming the cousin is interested, we’re you considering IVF, IUI, or natural?

[Anonymous]

Lesbian PP here. There are a number of lawyers, as well as therapists, in the DC area specializing in known sperm donor family planning. You can reach out to Rainbow Families for a list and information (of course it is LGBT focused but will still be relevant to you).

[Anonymous]

My husband was a donor for his wife's wife. Everything has been fine. No issues. Kids are grade school age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was a donor for his wife's wife. Everything has been fine. No issues. Kids are grade school age.

You mean ex-wife…?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was a donor for his wife's wife. Everything has been fine. No issues. Kids are grade school age.

You mean ex-wife…?

Or she switched teams?

[Anonymous]

I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

I would have refused and I am very close to my siblings. It seems pretty entitled to even ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

I would have refused and I am very close to my siblings. It seems pretty entitled to even ask.

I see nothing entitled about asking a simple question. Hope others are more thoughtful, generous, and willing to help than you seem to be.

[Anonymous]

I had a cousin use one of their cousins (DE). It works out just fine and they have a special summer trip they do all together every summer. I really just think it depends on the specific people involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

I would have refused and I am very close to my siblings. It seems pretty entitled to even ask.

I see nothing entitled about asking a simple question. Hope others are more thoughtful, generous, and willing to help than you seem to be.

Puke!! This is all kinds of messed up. I agree that you should not ask family members for their genetic material. They don’t want to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I needed DE, asked my sister, and was devastated when she refused. We ended up going anonymous instead and in the end I think that was the right choice for us, avoiding all kinds of legal and emotional land mines. My kid is awesome, by the way, and bizarrely, looks a lot like me (people always remark on it), even though the donor looks nothing like me!

But there's definitely the appeal of a genetic connection and known history.

I would have refused and I am very close to my siblings. It seems pretty entitled to even ask.

I see nothing entitled about asking a simple question. Hope others are more thoughtful, generous, and willing to help than you seem to be.

DP. I’m thoughtful, generous and willing to help. I’d be willing to carry a pregnancy for my sibling. I’d make a monetary gift if funds were an issue. I’d provide plenty of emotional and practical support. But I’m not donating eggs to anyone because I don’t think I could step back and treat that child like they were just my sibling’s or cousin’s child. I’m not sure I could have a healthy relationship with the child or my relative (child’s parent). I wouldn’t decline because I’m unwilling to help; I would decline because I think the experience would negatively impact my familial relationships.