“If they choose to have children…”
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Anonymous
Where does it say that OP "had an argument" about this. OP made a comment, her mother had a reaction, OP was surprised by that reaction and posted here to gain perspective. OP's mom getting upset still does not an "argument" make, as OP is not responsible for her mother's reactions or feelings. |
Anonymous
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I'm guessing that many people of her generation expect to have grandchildren and great-grandchildren and haven't really thought through the reality that it's not her choice to demand that others procreate so that she can have descendants.
I'm pretty sure my parents would say things like, "when you get married" and "when you have children, x, y, and z," just without thinking about it. I know that I'm much more careful in the language I use with my kids: "if you have a partner" or "if you have children." |
Anonymous
+1 My mom makes a lot of assumptions about my kids and now that they’re teens and tweens, it’s starting to cause weird tension. My 13 year old is adamant that she doesn’t want kids, but we don’t talk about these things around my mom because she thinks all girls want the same things. |
Anonymous
| I think this is a generational thing, too. My mom and MIL were freaked that I may not have had kids (I was on the fence and then had twins, ha, thanks universe!).. now they’re freaked that I put my kids in daycare to go back to a job that I enjoy. I think many women in past generations had no identity outside of being a mother and they can’t fathom that women would choose otherwise. |
Anonymous
| Eh, I'd let it go. Your mom is from a time when a woman's identity was, for the most part, wrapped up in being a wife and mother. They took pride in that. Don't worry about it. |
Anonymous
| I'd probably react the same way. I'd be sad for my kids if they didn't have kids of their own one day. |
Anonymous
I am so sorry this comment was made! No one should be made to feel that their "parental staus" is anyone else's business in any way. -- Some people do not want children at all -- Some people want children but cannot afford to have them -- Some people want children but face infertility or other obstacles -- Some people want children but have faced pregnancy or infant loss It is no one else's business, and no one should ever be made to feel that they are less valuable than someone else due to their parental status. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
+100 here too. My mother started an argument with my seventh grader about getting married and having kids the last time she was here. |
Anonymous
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It's a personal issue with her. Probably feeling her mortality.
I'm an older mom and I'm made my peace with probably not seeing my kids get married (if they choose to) let alone seeing any grand kids. |
Anonymous
No one made you have kids. Take responsibility for your own actions. |
Anonymous
What is it about the word argument that is so triggering to you pp? I didn't mean it like they had a huge incident or something. Just that conflict, minor admittedly, has emerged from an interaction. But it is unnecessary conflict. The bolded, meh, OP is not responsible for her mother's reactions and feelings, ok, but if she loves and cares about her mom she might CARE about her reactions and feelings. And I think she clearly does because she is posting here. Grandma got worked up about this, which is understandable because in my experience when the older generation starts confronting their mortality, they are comforted by assurances that their legacy will live on. Of course, our legacies rarely live on past a generation or two at best. But nevertheless, people begin to be attached to this. That is something OP's kids should not consider when making their own life choices (decades from now) but OP's moms feelings are not stupid or invalid. She is just coming from a vastly different life experience and point in life. I maintain, this is just something I'd never bring up again OP. There is nothing you can control about the facts (whether your children will or will not have children, whether your mom will or will not be ok with that) and it is a far off hypothetical that is pointless speculating about when kids are kids. When nothing can be gained and conflict can emerge, it seems prudent to simply shove this topic into the back of the closet underneath a large pile of games and puzzles where no one will see it for years. Think of it like anything else, if Grandma had said 'well if the kids never get cancer they will have a happy life' and OP is like 'wtf they aren't going to get cancer?!' I mean they could! Who knows? Anything could happen. Silly to get all worked up about it. |
Anonymous
PP you're nitpicking on. I should have said, to my parents it was never a choice. Having kids is a given, therefore they badgered me for years. You sound just like my mom, btw. |
Anonymous
| ~Children....You may give them your love, but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts.You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday~Kahlil Gibran |
Anonymous
Why?? |