“If they choose to have children…”

[Anonymous]

My mom is Asian Catholic - same reaction, no surprise there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:~Children....You may give them your love, but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts.You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday~Kahlil Gibran

I had to check that I didn't type this in my sleep. I remind myself of this quote when dealing with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably react the same way. I'd be sad for my kids if they didn't have kids of their own one day.

Why??

Because PP is one of those narcissistic fantasists who cannot deal with the reality of:
A) Her own mortality
B) Her preferences, stories, memories, possessions and legend do not need to be passed down in an elaborate oral and physical history, for all of time
C) The fact that her DNA ain’t that special, for real for real, and it is totally fine if someone doesn’t inherit her nose

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like the kind of thing that is insane to be arguing about now. If you know she feels that way, then just don't say that again. You can continue to have a healthy respect for your kids individual choices, she can continue to believe great grandchildren are going to be a thing, and you can all rest relatively assured that your kids will do what they will do with your support and she is unlikely to live long enough to know for sure either way.

I just don't understand why people have these arguments about potential futures that are literal decades away.

Where does it say that OP "had an argument" about this. OP made a comment, her mother had a reaction, OP was surprised by that reaction and posted here to gain perspective. OP's mom getting upset still does not an "argument" make, as OP is not responsible for her mother's reactions or feelings.

What is it about the word argument that is so triggering to you pp? I didn't mean it like they had a huge incident or something. Just that conflict, minor admittedly, has emerged from an interaction. But it is unnecessary conflict.

The bolded, meh, OP is not responsible for her mother's reactions and feelings, ok, but if she loves and cares about her mom she might CARE about her reactions and feelings. And I think she clearly does because she is posting here. Grandma got worked up about this, which is understandable because in my experience when the older generation starts confronting their mortality, they are comforted by assurances that their legacy will live on. Of course, our legacies rarely live on past a generation or two at best. But nevertheless, people begin to be attached to this. That is something OP's kids should not consider when making their own life choices (decades from now) but OP's moms feelings are not stupid or invalid. She is just coming from a vastly different life experience and point in life.

I maintain, this is just something I'd never bring up again OP. There is nothing you can control about the facts (whether your children will or will not have children, whether your mom will or will not be ok with that) and it is a far off hypothetical that is pointless speculating about when kids are kids. When nothing can be gained and conflict can emerge, it seems prudent to simply shove this topic into the back of the closet underneath a large pile of games and puzzles where no one will see it for years.

Think of it like anything else, if Grandma had said 'well if the kids never get cancer they will have a happy life' and OP is like 'wtf they aren't going to get cancer?!' I mean they could! Who knows? Anything could happen. Silly to get all worked up about it.

It is not “conflict” for people to have different opinions or reactions to something. That’s just how life is sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Elderly people with children think a lot about how life goes on with the generations of their family to come. They get sad when the see the line ending (e.g. their child or only grandchild doesn't have kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably react the same way. I'd be sad for my kids if they didn't have kids of their own one day.

I don't know that I would be sad for my kids if they don't have their own children, because choosing to have kids is a big deal, not for the faint of heart, and even more so right now. I would however be sad for me, because - selfishly - I would love to have a grandchild or two. I will never ever say this to them.

I wouldn't blame my kids if they didn't have their own children, because I am quite sure that I would hesitate and think long and hard before bringing another life into this dumpster fire of a world in 2022. It doesn't have much to recommend it (understatement).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Elderly people with children think a lot about how life goes on with the generations of their family to come. They get sad when the see the line ending (e.g. their child or only grandchild doesn't have kids).

I adore the fact that my patriarchal, obsessed-with-his-Confederate-connections FIL’s family name will die out soon. His son and I have two daughters, and his daughter married another woman and their children have the wife’s last name (SIL’s last name is their middle name). He is obsessed with genealogy, saved heirlooms “to be passed on through the MALE line” and blah blah blah. Too bad he doesn’t seem interested in women as people, and too bad his children rightfully want NO Confederate papers or memorabilia and have told him straight up to make arrangements for it because they literally will not be touching it. If he leaves it too late it will all be boxed up and burned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's a generational difference. But you're right, she's wrong.

This. Anyone who’s been through a divorce or who watched an adult child whom they were close to, go through a divorce, would agree with your phrase Op. marrying the wrong person and being tethered to them whilst coparenting, never moving, and protecting the children is hell on earth second to the divorce progress if it goes to court.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP likes to push her mother’s buttons, lol.

[Anonymous]

You're a good mom, OP! I've been saying no kids for years since I was an early teen, still holding firm.

Anyways, its nice to over hear your parents not try to put things on you as a tween/teen. Your kid will figure it out just like the rest of us have.

BUT with that said, I wouldn't engage your mom in any more personal type of convos about the kids. Clearly she has some feelings about it, not worth any sort of chatter. I realized my mom cut her great aunt (grandma died when I was a baby, and aunt stepped up) off of any sort of personal discussions about us kids, kept the peace.

[Anonymous]

Of her generation? Of course. It was madness for them NOT to have kids. They don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Hmm... I'd be guilty of this. I love being a parent so much, I enjoy the company of my own children, and was devastated when my last pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I would be so sad if my children didn't have children of their own. I think it was a cry from the heart, OP. It means she loved parenting YOU

[Anonymous]

I have ppl ask me constantly when my kids are having their own - I have four and they're alll in their low 30s, one is married.

I seriously cannot believe ppl ask. How would I know. And no, it's no one else's business. And my mom and sister ask all the time.

My response - probably never. We all have big lives and don't need children to complete it.