How do you explain to a teen that just because they are 18 and refusing financial support from their

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parents doesn’t mean they are free to do whatever they want.

Ever since my niece turned 18 2 months ago she decided she no longer had to abide by her parent’s rules as long as she was refusing financial help from them. She stayed out all night and refused to come home for days, claiming my sister and her husband are too controlling like setting a curfew or limits on cell phones. She bought her own cell phone to skirt her parents reasonable restrictions on the cell phone like most parents of teens do. She kept insisting she didn't have to follow her parents rules regarding the cell phone because she paid for the cell phone herself and is refusing financial help from her parents.

My niece plans to take a week trip to Myrtle beach with her friends on Monday and there will be no adult supervision. No matter how many times her parents told her no she insists she will do it and her parents can’t tell her what to do because she refuses their financial support. Shes not even living with them but her parents often stop by but she starts yelling at them to go away. The problem is she makes very irresponsible decisions like going into large crowds during a pandemic or sleeping around with random men some who have criminal records. I told her part of being an adult is acting like one and making responsible decisions. “iM eIgHtEeN i CaN dO wHaT i WaNt” is not being an adult.[/quote

No, most parents of 18-year-old ADULTS don’t have “restrictions on the cell phone.”

OP here. Being 18 doesn’t automatically make you an adult.

Yes, it literally does. Have her parents call the police and tell them to force their 18-year-old to “come home” or obey them in any way. See how that works out,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a job and doesn’t live with them and they want to set cell phone limits for her?! No. I agree with her. Will they get to control her when she’s 19? 22? 30?

OP here. That depends on how she acts.

No. It doesn’t. And it’s clear from your repeated hardheaded responses that it’s your adult child and not your niece, so drop the charade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a job and doesn’t live with them and they want to set cell phone limits for her?! No. I agree with her. Will they get to control her when she’s 19? 22? 30?

OP here. That depends on how she acts.

No. It doesn’t. And it’s clear from your repeated hardheaded responses that it’s your adult child and not your niece, so drop the charade.

OP here. This 100% is my niece and I am close to my sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a job and doesn’t live with them and they want to set cell phone limits for her?! No. I agree with her. Will they get to control her when she’s 19? 22? 30?

OP here. That depends on how she acts.

No. It doesn’t. And it’s clear from your repeated hardheaded responses that it’s your adult child and not your niece, so drop the charade.

OP here. This 100% is my niece and I am close to my sister.

Mmkay. Don’t believe you, but you need to tell your “sister” to stop trying to control an adult over whom she has no power.

[Anonymous]

OP, what culture did you grow up in that you don’t understand that adults are adults once they turn 18 and are allowed to do whatever they want if they’re not financially dependent on or living with parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what culture did you grow up in that you don’t understand that adults are adults once they turn 18 and are allowed to do whatever they want if they’re not financially dependent on or living with parents?

Yeah, if not a troll, OP is clearly originally from another country and refuses to understand that the niece is American and all this nonsense about curfews and phones OP is spewing is meaningless and absurd to an American adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what culture did you grow up in that you don’t understand that adults are adults once they turn 18 and are allowed to do whatever they want if they’re not financially dependent on or living with parents?

Yeah, if not a troll, OP is clearly originally from another country and refuses to understand that the niece is American and all this nonsense about curfews and phones OP is spewing is meaningless and absurd to an American adult.

OP here. We are American, born and raised and so were our parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what culture did you grow up in that you don’t understand that adults are adults once they turn 18 and are allowed to do whatever they want if they’re not financially dependent on or living with parents?

Yeah, if not a troll, OP is clearly originally from another country and refuses to understand that the niece is American and all this nonsense about curfews and phones OP is spewing is meaningless and absurd to an American adult.

OP here. We are American, born and raised and so were our parents.

Again, I *very* much doubt that or you wouldn’t have made this post, but I guess you’re getting the attention you were seeking, so have fun. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

I like how sleeping around with criminals is on the same level as going out in crowds

Sorry OP, you trolled too close to the sun. I give it a 3/10.

[Anonymous]

My sister’s stepdaughter did the same thing. It was hard for her dad to accept. She had been such a messed up teenager and he had been intervening to clean up her stupid messes for so long the the idea that he had to just sit back and let her make a mess of her life was really hard to swallow.

In the end, it was the best thing for her. She eventually realized that she did not like the consequences of her own actions and she saw other kids her age getting better paying jobs, having more money to do things, making forward progress in their lives, etc., and she pulled herself together. She is no where near as secure as she could have been if she had compromised with her dad and taken his money for college, but she isn’t dead or in jail. My sister and her husband had to be pretty harsh about how they treated her. They changed the locks, took her off their cell plan, took her off car insurance. I think they kept her on their health insurance, but the daughter did not realize that. They figured if she was incapacitated in a major accident and they needed to make decisions for her it would be better to have her covered until she aged out at 26.

Some people really do need to experience their own consequences to learn to take responsibility for their own lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like how sleeping around with criminals is on the same level as going out in crowds

Sorry OP, you trolled too close to the sun. I give it a 3/10.

Yeah. I still mask in crowded places indoors and am definitely on the more COVID cautious side of the spectrum, but that one made me giggle too.

[Anonymous]

She is an adult, and it sounds like her parents are on a path to be cut out of her life forever. They better shape up.

[Anonymous]

My initial reaction to OP was the same as everyone else. It is true that this woman is an adult and the parents have no enforceable "right" to control her.

That being said, what if the original post had said something like:

"Our troubled DD turned 18 and immediately stopped listening to us and started acting in an unsafe manner. She does not have good judgment and we are worried she is going too far in flexing her newfound independence. She is pushing us away and not accepting our input. We are worried about her. What should we do?"

Would responses to that post be the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My initial reaction to OP was the same as everyone else. It is true that this woman is an adult and the parents have no enforceable "right" to control her.

That being said, what if the original post had said something like:

"Our troubled DD turned 18 and immediately stopped listening to us and started acting in an unsafe manner. She does not have good judgment and we are worried she is going too far in flexing her newfound independence. She is pushing us away and not accepting our input. We are worried about her. What should we do?"

Would responses to that post be the same?

Agree but the whole framing of the question related to her parents right and ability to control her decision making. If an 18-year-old lives at home and is supported by their parents there is of course still a “my house my rules“ option that parents can invoke as much as they want. But the description of this family relationship sounds pretty controlling and toxic, perhaps something this kid wanted to get out of without having the real maturity to take good care of herself out in the world. It sounds hard. I think if I were the aunt in the situation I would try to make myself available as a supportive presence in this young woman’s life. Not to control her decisions, but to support and be a sounding board.

[Anonymous]

This 'she does not live at home' took forever. She is an adult and pays for all her own things. She is right and you, grownups, are wrong.
I moved to another continent at 18 and survived. She is in her own country at 18, has friends, speaks the language and is allowed to work. Her parents cannot claim her for anything because she works, and doesn't want to deal with them.
If she does get in trouble, she might call her friend's parents and family, not you all.