Loneliness

[Anonymous]

I was just in this situation... It was fertile ground for an EA and now I'm separated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just in this situation... It was fertile ground for an EA and now I'm separated.

Was the EA discovered and then that led to the separation or were you heading that way anyhow and the EA just made your mind up for you?

[Anonymous]

Practice being kind and loving, banish contempt. Find low pressure ways to connect like a backyard bbq and games night with family. You owe it to your children to not convey the cultured versus Al Bundy dynamic. Many men don’t enjoy museums or adventurous foods. You are responsible for your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

Can you suck it up and find companionship with gay men until your youngest turns 18?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? You say teens so assuming 20 yrs? I can relate a bit as my dh and I sound a bit like your dynamic as not that compatible BUT we do love each other and are truly each other’s best friend. Reflecting back we were never compatible but somehow ended up together😀.

We also talk a lot about the dcs, but we also like to travel now that we have freedom to do so on our schedule so we talk about that. We started researching retirement areas and second homes so that is often a discussion; we talk about world events, an interesting article, family. We don’t do many activities together unless dinner with friends (and we do go out together as a couple as well), or walk the dog.

I love outdoors, sports, exercise, nice restaurants, ethnic food. He does not. I do what I can alone or with friends, he’s willing to do so occasionally, and now that our dcs are older one loves to do things and eat at great restaurants with me. Obviously I don’t know your situation, and your feelings of loneliness should not be discounted, but I do think in many, many relationships what you and I describe is the norm. No answers just letting you know you are not alone.

NP here and I am in a similar boat too. Married 18 years, kids are 14 and 11. I do love him and don't want to split up or disrupt our kids, even once they are adults. I also don't have any energy or desire to date anyone else, nor do I want to live alone. So here I am.

[Anonymous]

Same situation. We get along fine now but basically roommates. Kids are off to camp and it's a great reminder how the passion is long gone and never coming back.

I look at it this way, the loneliness is still better than having two households and crushing our finances.

I would totally have an affair though so perhaps it's less psychologically damaging to know I may find a spark again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same situation. We get along fine now but basically roommates. Kids are off to camp and it's a great reminder how the passion is long gone and never coming back.

I look at it this way, the loneliness is still better than having two households and crushing our finances.

I would totally have an affair though so perhaps it's less psychologically damaging to know I may find a spark again.

never say never … wait for the perimenopause hormones or better still don’t wait somehow make it happen, chew some gummies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just in this situation... It was fertile ground for an EA and now I'm separated.

Was the EA discovered and then that led to the separation or were you heading that way anyhow and the EA just made your mind up for you?

It was heading that way anyhow, I revealed it, things got tense. EA is now over but separation is marching forward...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same situation. We get along fine now but basically roommates. Kids are off to camp and it's a great reminder how the passion is long gone and never coming back.

I look at it this way, the loneliness is still better than having two households and crushing our finances.

I would totally have an affair though so perhaps it's less psychologically damaging to know I may find a spark again.

I left when kids were both under 10
Yes having 2 household are crushing our finances. Well mine. we get a long fine co-parenting but every time I see him I am so grateful I no longer have to feel that awful longing lonely feeling that I felt when we were together. Plus I love being on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just in this situation... It was fertile ground for an EA and now I'm separated.

Was the EA discovered and then that led to the separation or were you heading that way anyhow and the EA just made your mind up for you?

It was heading that way anyhow, I revealed it, things got tense. EA is now over but separation is marching forward...

This is us. Are you me?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? You say teens so assuming 20 yrs? I can relate a bit as my dh and I sound a bit like your dynamic as not that compatible BUT we do love each other and are truly each other’s best friend. Reflecting back we were never compatible but somehow ended up together😀.

We also talk a lot about the dcs, but we also like to travel now that we have freedom to do so on our schedule so we talk about that. We started researching retirement areas and second homes so that is often a discussion; we talk about world events, an interesting article, family. We don’t do many activities together unless dinner with friends (and we do go out together as a couple as well), or walk the dog.

I love outdoors, sports, exercise, nice restaurants, ethnic food. He does not. I do what I can alone or with friends, he’s willing to do so occasionally, and now that our dcs are older one loves to do things and eat at great restaurants with me. Obviously I don’t know your situation, and your feelings of loneliness should not be discounted, but I do think in many, many relationships what you and I describe is the norm. No answers just letting you know you are not alone.

NP here and I am in a similar boat too. Married 18 years, kids are 14 and 11. I do love him and don't want to split up or disrupt our kids, even once they are adults. I also don't have any energy or desire to date anyone else, nor do I want to live alone. So here I am.

Another NP here: exactly the same boat. We used to best friends but he is now obsessed with his work and focuses on kids. Does not need my companionship or sex anymore. Just sticking around for kids-ages 15 and 10

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same situation. We get along fine now but basically roommates. Kids are off to camp and it's a great reminder how the passion is long gone and never coming back.

I look at it this way, the loneliness is still better than having two households and crushing our finances.

I would totally have an affair though so perhaps it's less psychologically damaging to know I may find a spark again.

I left when kids were both under 10
Yes having 2 household are crushing our finances. Well mine. we get a long fine co-parenting but every time I see him I am so grateful I no longer have to feel that awful longing lonely feeling that I felt when we were together. Plus I love being on my own.

Do you have lots of family/friends around you to support you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? You say teens so assuming 20 yrs? I can relate a bit as my dh and I sound a bit like your dynamic as not that compatible BUT we do love each other and are truly each other’s best friend. Reflecting back we were never compatible but somehow ended up together😀.

We also talk a lot about the dcs, but we also like to travel now that we have freedom to do so on our schedule so we talk about that. We started researching retirement areas and second homes so that is often a discussion; we talk about world events, an interesting article, family. We don’t do many activities together unless dinner with friends (and we do go out together as a couple as well), or walk the dog.

I love outdoors, sports, exercise, nice restaurants, ethnic food. He does not. I do what I can alone or with friends, he’s willing to do so occasionally, and now that our dcs are older one loves to do things and eat at great restaurants with me. Obviously I don’t know your situation, and your feelings of loneliness should not be discounted, but I do think in many, many relationships what you and I describe is the norm. No answers just letting you know you are not alone.

NP here and I am in a similar boat too. Married 18 years, kids are 14 and 11. I do love him and don't want to split up or disrupt our kids, even once they are adults. I also don't have any energy or desire to date anyone else, nor do I want to live alone. So here I am.

Another NP here: exactly the same boat. We used to best friends but he is now obsessed with his work and focuses on kids. Does not need my companionship or sex anymore. Just sticking around for kids-ages 15 and 10

Another NP - Kids are 15 and 13 and very similar situation. My husband just told me 2 days ago that he's moving out in the next few months. So I guess he made that decision for us. We've been more like roommates for years, but I'm still terrified about separating. Everyone will be shocked because we get along really well. I'm a weird combination of very sad and very relieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just in this situation... It was fertile ground for an EA and now I'm separated.

Was the EA discovered and then that led to the separation or were you heading that way anyhow and the EA just made your mind up for you?

It was heading that way anyhow, I revealed it, things got tense. EA is now over but separation is marching forward...

I bet this was a PA, but not admitted to. Any that get to this level over an EA were usually somebody lying that it was only an 'EA'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? You say teens so assuming 20 yrs? I can relate a bit as my dh and I sound a bit like your dynamic as not that compatible BUT we do love each other and are truly each other’s best friend. Reflecting back we were never compatible but somehow ended up together😀.

We also talk a lot about the dcs, but we also like to travel now that we have freedom to do so on our schedule so we talk about that. We started researching retirement areas and second homes so that is often a discussion; we talk about world events, an interesting article, family. We don’t do many activities together unless dinner with friends (and we do go out together as a couple as well), or walk the dog.

I love outdoors, sports, exercise, nice restaurants, ethnic food. He does not. I do what I can alone or with friends, he’s willing to do so occasionally, and now that our dcs are older one loves to do things and eat at great restaurants with me. Obviously I don’t know your situation, and your feelings of loneliness should not be discounted, but I do think in many, many relationships what you and I describe is the norm. No answers just letting you know you are not alone.

NP here and I am in a similar boat too. Married 18 years, kids are 14 and 11. I do love him and don't want to split up or disrupt our kids, even once they are adults. I also don't have any energy or desire to date anyone else, nor do I want to live alone. So here I am.

Another NP here: exactly the same boat. We used to best friends but he is now obsessed with his work and focuses on kids. Does not need my companionship or sex anymore. Just sticking around for kids-ages 15 and 10

Another NP - Kids are 15 and 13 and very similar situation. My husband just told me 2 days ago that he's moving out in the next few months. So I guess he made that decision for us. We've been more like roommates for years, but I'm still terrified about separating. Everyone will be shocked because we get along really well. I'm a weird combination of very sad and very relieved.

There is someone else. You know that, right?