Loneliness

[Anonymous]

Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

Talk about the kids.

No, seriously, you need to find some time with your spouse doing stuff together, cultivating interests, and making an effort to enjoy each other.

Why are you hurting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

Talk about the kids.

No, seriously, you need to find some time with your spouse doing stuff together, cultivating interests, and making an effort to enjoy each other.

Why are you hurting?

We are both hurting. We tried shared interests. I am more of a high-brow person than he is. I like museums, theaters, wineries, nice restaurants. He is happy riding bikes in the mud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

Talk about the kids.

No, seriously, you need to find some time with your spouse doing stuff together, cultivating interests, and making an effort to enjoy each other.

Why are you hurting?

We are both hurting. We tried shared interests. I am more of a high-brow person than he is. I like museums, theaters, wineries, nice restaurants. He is happy riding bikes in the mud.

Do you love each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

Talk about the kids.

No, seriously, you need to find some time with your spouse doing stuff together, cultivating interests, and making an effort to enjoy each other.

Why are you hurting?

We are both hurting. We tried shared interests. I am more of a high-brow person than he is. I like museums, theaters, wineries, nice restaurants. He is happy riding bikes in the mud.

Do you love each other?

I think we do. We definitely take care of each other. But we are not that lovey-dovey as we were when we were dating. I feel like a companion, someone he can call a wife and I can call him a husband but it's like...going through the motions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

Talk about the kids.

No, seriously, you need to find some time with your spouse doing stuff together, cultivating interests, and making an effort to enjoy each other.

Why are you hurting?

We are both hurting. We tried shared interests. I am more of a high-brow person than he is. I like museums, theaters, wineries, nice restaurants. He is happy riding bikes in the mud.

DH and I are opposites and it’s challenging having different interests but we also both like that the other brings something into our lives that we wouldn’t have explored on our own. It’s cliche but do regular date nights and try something new together.

Honestly, the years when kids are young is just hard because it’s hard to have the time and energy to devote to the marriage. But that’s normal. I’m hoping things get better and easier as kids get older and we can go out more together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

Talk about the kids.

No, seriously, you need to find some time with your spouse doing stuff together, cultivating interests, and making an effort to enjoy each other.

Why are you hurting?

We are both hurting. We tried shared interests. I am more of a high-brow person than he is. I like museums, theaters, wineries, nice restaurants. He is happy riding bikes in the mud.

DH and I are opposites and it’s challenging having different interests but we also both like that the other brings something into our lives that we wouldn’t have explored on our own. It’s cliche but do regular date nights and try something new together.

Honestly, the years when kids are young is just hard because it’s hard to have the time and energy to devote to the marriage. But that’s normal. I’m hoping things get better and easier as kids get older and we can go out more together.

Thing is, our kids are not little. We have teenagers. They are wonderful, really, we lucked out. But we don't talk about anything else. I don't know some of his friends. He likes going on guy trips. I tried doing girls only travel and frankly, I hated it.

[Anonymous]

So you are staying together for the kids?
DH sounds like he may be having an affair so that's why you are hurting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you are staying together for the kids?
DH sounds like he may be having an affair so that's why you are hurting?

I talked to him about a possibility of having an affair. He denied it. At most, maybe there is an emotional affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are staying together for the kids?
DH sounds like he may be having an affair so that's why you are hurting?

I talked to him about a possibility of having an affair. He denied it. At most, maybe there is an emotional affair.

I don’t understand why the baseline assumption is he is having an affair.

I would urge you to work on getting to a point you both willing to try things … anything ! Get sitters etc.

It’s not okay to say the kids are young and we suck it up. My ex had an affair when my 3rd DC was 2 yo that was the end of marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

Talk about the kids.

No, seriously, you need to find some time with your spouse doing stuff together, cultivating interests, and making an effort to enjoy each other.

Why are you hurting?

We are both hurting. We tried shared interests. I am more of a high-brow person than he is. I like museums, theaters, wineries, nice restaurants. He is happy riding bikes in the mud.

DH and I are opposites and it’s challenging having different interests but we also both like that the other brings something into our lives that we wouldn’t have explored on our own. It’s cliche but do regular date nights and try something new together.

Honestly, the years when kids are young is just hard because it’s hard to have the time and energy to devote to the marriage. But that’s normal. I’m hoping things get better and easier as kids get older and we can go out more together.

Thing is, our kids are not little. We have teenagers. They are wonderful, really, we lucked out. But we don't talk about anything else. I don't know some of his friends. He likes going on guy trips. I tried doing girls only travel and frankly, I hated it.

Affair red flags

[Anonymous]

Our emotional currency is nothing more than gossiping about our friends.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been married? You say teens so assuming 20 yrs? I can relate a bit as my dh and I sound a bit like your dynamic as not that compatible BUT we do love each other and are truly each other’s best friend. Reflecting back we were never compatible but somehow ended up together😀.

We also talk a lot about the dcs, but we also like to travel now that we have freedom to do so on our schedule so we talk about that. We started researching retirement areas and second homes so that is often a discussion; we talk about world events, an interesting article, family. We don’t do many activities together unless dinner with friends (and we do go out together as a couple as well), or walk the dog.

I love outdoors, sports, exercise, nice restaurants, ethnic food. He does not. I do what I can alone or with friends, he’s willing to do so occasionally, and now that our dcs are older one loves to do things and eat at great restaurants with me. Obviously I don’t know your situation, and your feelings of loneliness should not be discounted, but I do think in many, many relationships what you and I describe is the norm. No answers just letting you know you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in a marriage that looks great to the outsiders but inside you are both hurting? You have nothing to talk about other than the kids. What do you do, esp. if kids are young and very attached to both of you?

Talk about the kids.

No, seriously, you need to find some time with your spouse doing stuff together, cultivating interests, and making an effort to enjoy each other.

Why are you hurting?

We are both hurting. We tried shared interests. I am more of a high-brow person than he is. I like museums, theaters, wineries, nice restaurants. He is happy riding bikes in the mud.

DH and I are opposites and it’s challenging having different interests but we also both like that the other brings something into our lives that we wouldn’t have explored on our own. It’s cliche but do regular date nights and try something new together.

Honestly, the years when kids are young is just hard because it’s hard to have the time and energy to devote to the marriage. But that’s normal. I’m hoping things get better and easier as kids get older and we can go out more together.

Thing is, our kids are not little. We have teenagers. They are wonderful, really, we lucked out. But we don't talk about anything else. I don't know some of his friends. He likes going on guy trips. I tried doing girls only travel and frankly, I hated it.

Affair red flags

weewoo weewoo AMBER LAMPS divorce now, up the therapy, XANX!

typical dcum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? You say teens so assuming 20 yrs? I can relate a bit as my dh and I sound a bit like your dynamic as not that compatible BUT we do love each other and are truly each other’s best friend. Reflecting back we were never compatible but somehow ended up together😀.

We also talk a lot about the dcs, but we also like to travel now that we have freedom to do so on our schedule so we talk about that. We started researching retirement areas and second homes so that is often a discussion; we talk about world events, an interesting article, family. We don’t do many activities together unless dinner with friends (and we do go out together as a couple as well), or walk the dog.

I love outdoors, sports, exercise, nice restaurants, ethnic food. He does not. I do what I can alone or with friends, he’s willing to do so occasionally, and now that our dcs are older one loves to do things and eat at great restaurants with me. Obviously I don’t know your situation, and your feelings of loneliness should not be discounted, but I do think in many, many relationships what you and I describe is the norm. No answers just letting you know you are not alone.

Similar for me.