Is this person still not a friend?

[Anonymous]

She hurt you. You don't need to figure out the "why" of her behavior. You are entiteled to a preference. Act on whatever preference you have and if that's not to see her socially, that's reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She hurt you. You don't need to figure out the "why" of her behavior. You are entiteled to a preference. Act on whatever preference you have and if that's not to see her socially, that's reasonable.

+1

[Anonymous]

They knew you would majorly overthink not being invited and tried to be nice to you and close the case

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the milestone event? Like a wedding where they had to pay $200 per head? Maybe they wanted to invite only a close circle of relatives and friends to save money, and work friends did not make the cut. But she still considered you a friend enough that when she knew you were close by, she wanted to get together with you. If you like her company, accept that invitation and don’t ask for more. It’s unclear whether she invited others in your circle and not you.

A birthday. I had been invited in previous years. Oh, well.

OP

Then I'd definitely be hurt too, OP, especially if there wasn't a gap of you two not keeping in touch for a few years where it would make more sense not to be invited to the last birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wrote about this here several months ago. A person didn't invite me to their milestone event yet mentioned it was happening. They didn't mean to mention it to me. Then, they suggested I wouldn't be invited. Sure enough, I was not.

This hurt quite a bit.

Their mixed signals confuse me, though, because they invited me to dinner at their house after not inviting me to the milestone event. For some reason, they knew I would be near their house and invited me over for dinner.

The general consensus here is that this person is not a friend. I understood that to be the case, too. Yet I am scratching my head over why this person has reached out to me. Do they want to keep the relationship lukewarm for some reason?

Did I annoy them before and they want to see if I'm still annoying?

Lastly, do I bring up that they hurt me or keep silent about it? I think I'd keep silent, because I don't trust this person like I once did.

I'm talking with them because we share industry contacts, but talking isn't required. I may not bother in the future.

Why would this former friend reach out? They are not a narcissist, so it's not that type of situation.

Ask. I am serious, just ask.

[Anonymous]

I think if you are having problems with this you should just ask her why you weren't invited. Quick and easy then it will be resolved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the milestone event? Like a wedding where they had to pay $200 per head? Maybe they wanted to invite only a close circle of relatives and friends to save money, and work friends did not make the cut. But she still considered you a friend enough that when she knew you were close by, she wanted to get together with you. If you like her company, accept that invitation and don’t ask for more. It’s unclear whether she invited others in your circle and not you.

A birthday. I had been invited in previous years. Oh, well.

OP

Then I'd definitely be hurt too, OP, especially if there wasn't a gap of you two not keeping in touch for a few years where it would make more sense not to be invited to the last birthday.

Thank you for the validation. I feel better about it. One reason it stung is because we had previously invited each other over the years. I can handle a shift in friendships usually but this one hurt.

Weirdly, we ended up talking today and they kept wanting to stay on the phone while I was ready to close the call. I think there are things I will never understand here.

OP

[Anonymous]

I have a suspicion OP is on the spectrum and doesn't always comprehend social cues, otherwise I don't understand why would anyone make this into an issue. You are not invited to a milestone event by someone YOU considered a friend. That person doesn't consider you to be a close friend. There. End of story. Move on.

[Anonymous]

There must be a reason they want to compartimentalize this friendship. You decide if that's acceptable to you, or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the milestone event? Like a wedding where they had to pay $200 per head? Maybe they wanted to invite only a close circle of relatives and friends to save money, and work friends did not make the cut. But she still considered you a friend enough that when she knew you were close by, she wanted to get together with you. If you like her company, accept that invitation and don’t ask for more. It’s unclear whether she invited others in your circle and not you.

A birthday. I had been invited in previous years. Oh, well.

OP

Then I'd definitely be hurt too, OP, especially if there wasn't a gap of you two not keeping in touch for a few years where it would make more sense not to be invited to the last birthday.

Thank you for the validation. I feel better about it. One reason it stung is because we had previously invited each other over the years. I can handle a shift in friendships usually but this one hurt.

Weirdly, we ended up talking today and they kept wanting to stay on the phone while I was ready to close the call. I think there are things I will never understand here.

OP

The more to post, the more I suspect there is more context to you not being invited to the birthday, that you know what it is, and that you’re not sharing it because you’re not sure it will reflect favorably on you. This discussion has been a whole lot of vaguebooking while dodging details of what actually happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the milestone event? Like a wedding where they had to pay $200 per head? Maybe they wanted to invite only a close circle of relatives and friends to save money, and work friends did not make the cut. But she still considered you a friend enough that when she knew you were close by, she wanted to get together with you. If you like her company, accept that invitation and don’t ask for more. It’s unclear whether she invited others in your circle and not you.

A birthday. I had been invited in previous years. Oh, well.

OP

Then I'd definitely be hurt too, OP, especially if there wasn't a gap of you two not keeping in touch for a few years where it would make more sense not to be invited to the last birthday.

Thank you for the validation. I feel better about it. One reason it stung is because we had previously invited each other over the years. I can handle a shift in friendships usually but this one hurt.

Weirdly, we ended up talking today and they kept wanting to stay on the phone while I was ready to close the call. I think there are things I will never understand here.

OP

The more to post, the more I suspect there is more context to you not being invited to the birthday, that you know what it is, and that you’re not sharing it because you’re not sure it will reflect favorably on you. This discussion has been a whole lot of vaguebooking while dodging details of what actually happened.

Here we go again with gas lighting an OP and making stuff up 🙄

[Anonymous]

I have not invited people I have invited in the past for a myriad reasons - a more intimate setting or their behavior prior being most common. Or sometimes I knew they just wouldn’t fit.
But most common - prior behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are useful and they can deal with you in a one-on-one setting but for whatever reason, personality, temperament, interests etc you're not the type to fit with their group, most likely.

They sound totally shallow and not worth your time.

This is exactly what I was thinking... or, they can only deal with the OP in small doses.

Maybe the "milestone" event has limited seating, and they could only invite a certain amount of people and they had to limit it to very close friends & family. 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the milestone event? Like a wedding where they had to pay $200 per head? Maybe they wanted to invite only a close circle of relatives and friends to save money, and work friends did not make the cut. But she still considered you a friend enough that when she knew you were close by, she wanted to get together with you. If you like her company, accept that invitation and don’t ask for more. It’s unclear whether she invited others in your circle and not you.

A birthday. I had been invited in previous years. Oh, well.

OP

Then I'd definitely be hurt too, OP, especially if there wasn't a gap of you two not keeping in touch for a few years where it would make more sense not to be invited to the last birthday.

Thank you for the validation. I feel better about it. One reason it stung is because we had previously invited each other over the years. I can handle a shift in friendships usually but this one hurt.

Weirdly, we ended up talking today and they kept wanting to stay on the phone while I was ready to close the call. I think there are things I will never understand here.

OP

OP, do you possibily have a neurological disorder such as ADHD, Aspergers or are on the spectrum for Autism?

The only reason I ask, is that you sound very much like my brother who has severe ADHD.
His greatest challenge throughout life is picking up on social cues... it's plagued him all of his life, no matter how hard he tries to understand.

Similar to what you've done here, he's always asked my opinion (as an unbiased 3rd party) when he has a situations like this, because he's afraid that he's not being the most reliable narrator of the story due to his not understanding people's intent sometimes.
Your answers make me feel like you may struggle with this too? ❤

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the milestone event? Like a wedding where they had to pay $200 per head? Maybe they wanted to invite only a close circle of relatives and friends to save money, and work friends did not make the cut. But she still considered you a friend enough that when she knew you were close by, she wanted to get together with you. If you like her company, accept that invitation and don’t ask for more. It’s unclear whether she invited others in your circle and not you.

A birthday. I had been invited in previous years. Oh, well.

OP

Then I'd definitely be hurt too, OP, especially if there wasn't a gap of you two not keeping in touch for a few years where it would make more sense not to be invited to the last birthday.

Thank you for the validation. I feel better about it. One reason it stung is because we had previously invited each other over the years. I can handle a shift in friendships usually but this one hurt.

Weirdly, we ended up talking today and they kept wanting to stay on the phone while I was ready to close the call. I think there are things I will never understand here.

OP

OP, do you possibily have a neurological disorder such as ADHD, Aspergers or are on the spectrum for Autism?

The only reason I ask, is that you sound very much like my brother who has severe ADHD.
His greatest challenge throughout life is picking up on social cues... it's plagued him all of his life, no matter how hard he tries to understand.

Similar to what you've done here, he's always asked my opinion (as an unbiased 3rd party) when he has a situations like this, because he's afraid that he's not being the most reliable narrator of the story due to his not understanding people's intent sometimes.
Your answers make me feel like you may struggle with this too? ❤

This x1000
This is exactly what I was thinking.