Wow. this is terrible. I would not forgive her ever either. As a mom, as much as I wish for some freedom from all the responsibilities at time, I would never act upon it in this way. Maybe a once a year hotel stay or spa retreat but no, this is awful. I hope you have some other forms of support. |
Are you honest with the kids about why she left? How are the kids doing? |
We would have still gotten a divorce. An affair only would have been to survive the marriage until kids were grown. We no relationship. No way we would ahve stayed married. It's just that the logistics with divorce with kids is annoying. |
Me too, but alcoholic and abusive. I regret ever marrying the monster. |
| Ok so did anyone actually regret their divorce? You know, the people this thread is for? |
| I only know of one woman who regretted her divorce. She was getting bored in the marriage and her husband was pretty disinterested in doing anything together as a family. She thought she’d teach him a lesson by leaving and that he’d somehow change who he was in a fundamental level once he realized how much he missed her. That didn’t happen, he was ambivalent about the whole thing. She’s still single almost ten years after and he has remarried and seems really happy. |
But doesn’t “happily ever after” not having deceived and hurt somebody? Especially when you frame it in terms of “pulling off” the affair. By “pulling it off” you mean hiding and deceiving because you know it will cause pain. I get when people have affairs because they just don’t care about their spouse anymore and they aren’t hoping for a happily ever after but it seems odd to me to lie and cheat as a means to get to the happily ever after. |
It does not cause pain if you are only in the marriage for kids. There are loveless marriages. |
Most people do not regret a divorce. No, I do not—but in retrospect, an affair until kids were older would have been easier logistically. It might have enabled me to stay married longer (but not forever). I am much happier divorced. However, logistics with kids is frustrating. |
She was an idiot. No one should get divorced hoping someone will come after you. She ended it. He probably had self-respect. She was playing games. |
| I regret my divorce but not the kids that came from my second marriage. My first husband was largely kind, sweet and loving but just sort of froze when I miscarried, and he didn't want to try to have kids anymore. My second husband is loyal and reliable, missing qualities in my first marriage. But my kids are really what make it worth it. The ex and i are still friends. Sometimes I meet up with him, and he expresses regret over our divorce but I can't imagine dragging little kids all over the middle east and Asia. He's a college professor/archeologist very much in the vein of Indiana Jones. |
Really the question is do you regret the divorce if the divorce was your idea - i.e., you initiated it. I regret my divorce chiefly because we have kids but the divorce was not my idea. Among those who did initiate the divorce, you'll see a lot of cope (My Husband Was Bad, I Should Never Have Married Him, Life Is Better Now, The Kids Are Thriving) because most people can't admit to themselves that they made a mistake. |
I made a mistake getting married, which I fully admit to anyone. I did not feel right being engaged and it was a mistake from day 1. My divorce was not a mistake. I waited far too long to divorce. |
Then this thread isn't for you, is it? |
+1. Pure garbage human |