Teens and Birth Control

[Anonymous]

21:28 Thanks I know what PP meant and actually the opposite it true, my son and I have discussed it: My son would be mortified if I assisted him with this purchase. Further, I hope it's several years away. He's only 13! And I've discussed all of this with my son, STDs, pregnancy, etc.

21:52 I am encouraging holding off as long as possible but I'm discussing all the possibilities because you never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

13:14 I did not word that correctly. I assumed OP was talking about a daughter and since I have a son I do not have to assist him to get birth control, he can purchase condoms himself -- there's no age requirement. So that's the part I am sitting out -- I don't have to assist him, which is the OP's question

Right, because most 13-yr old boys are perfectly comfortable and not the least bit embarrassed to walk into a drugstore and buy condoms.
I don't think the fact that there's no age restriction on purchase is a good reason to leave your son "on his own" with this one.

Don't know which is worse -- being a teen boy buying condoms alone, or buying condoms with mom (or dad). One solution is for mom to buy a pack of condoms, let kid know that they are on the shelf in the linen closet (or wherever) and that he can take, no questions asked whenever he needs to or knows someone who needs.

[Anonymous]

00:07 How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone planning to encourage abstinence - at least through the teen years?

I'm encouraging my DD to be abstinent...while also getting her on the pill. At least one PP said they'd encourage their child to wait (at least until after high school). I think that's completely uncontroversial.

Or by "encourage abstinence" did you mean ignore the hard realities of teen sex by covering your ears, not mentioning birth control methods, and praying for the best? There's a reason conservative states have the absolute worst records for teen STDs and teen pregnancies. It's because the try to stick to the ridiculous "abstinence-only" line, which has actually been proven to have worse outcomes than doing absolutely nothing at all.

[Anonymous]

Teenage daughter is on the pill (she has a boyfriend) and we buy her condoms, too -- The pill doesn't protect against HIV and other STDs so she is under strict instructions to use both. (Whether she does or not, who knows? But we made ourselves very clear.)

BTW her pediatrician is Jennifer Kaplan at Children's Pediatrics at 2141 K St NW. I've been really impressed with how Kaplan and other staff have handled my daughter. They prefer having the parents involved in decisions about sexual health and birth control but their priority is making sure the kids are safe and protected. I like knowing that dd can go to her doctor and talk about sex and birth control if she feels can't talk to us. Not everyone feels the same way, I know, but I wanted to pass on this information for those who do.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend with 3 sons, two of whom are 18 or older. From the time they were in high school, she sprinkled condoms around their rooms like mothballs!

[Anonymous]

i bought my 16-year-old son condoms. The handoff was awkward but everyone in the family, including his dad, feels much better. he has been dating the same girl for many months and we assume that if they are not having sex they are contemplating it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another thread got me wondering about this - has anyone assisted their teen to obtain birth control or do you anticipate doing this?

What prompted this choice? What made it (your involvement in the process) a good / bad decision?

We are not close to this situation yet (I hope - we are only at 12), but its something I've wondered.

My daughter is almost 12 and she's asking me so many question about sex-I feel so much worry that i desired to talk to the pediatric ,and she saying that is totally normal by her age and totally normal also talk to your daughter about sex and precaution.So always your best decision will be the best for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone planning to encourage abstinence - at least through the teen years?

because that's realistic.

I watched my best friend have a baby at 18 and turn her life upside down. Didn't take more than that for me to exercise some self control in my own life.
I now preach abstinence to my 3 kids (11, 15 and 18) in much the same was as I expect them to control themselves when it comes to alcohol and drugs. They are all athletes and solid students so they have reminders of what they have to lose if they screw up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I watched my best friend have a baby at 18 and turn her life upside down. Didn't take more than that for me to exercise some self control in my own life.
I now preach abstinence to my 3 kids (11, 15 and 18) in much the same was as I expect them to control themselves when it comes to alcohol and drugs. They are all athletes and solid students so they have reminders of what they have to lose if they screw up.

I am the PP who does not think teaching abstinence alone is realistic. Sorry to sound snarky, but all of my friends were "athletes and solid students" and MOST of them were having sex before high school ended (this was almost 20 years ago). A "good kid" does not guarantee they will not have sex. None of my friends had babies because the ones that did get pregnant had abortions. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with "preaching abstinence." I do believe that discussing your beliefs about waiting to have sex should be coupled with the risks they take by having sex and in my mind this includes a discussion of birth control, STDs, pregnancy, peer pressure, etc., etc. Please do your children a favor and discuss birth control.

Teenagers have been the same for decades. They have sex, they experiment with drugs and alcohol. I'm not saying all do, but I think you are naive to think that because you had the experience you did your children will have the same one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thread got me wondering about this - has anyone assisted their teen to obtain birth control or do you anticipate doing this?

What prompted this choice? What made it (your involvement in the process) a good / bad decision?

We are not close to this situation yet (I hope - we are only at 12), but its something I've wondered.

My daughter is almost 12 and she's asking me so many question about sex-I feel so much worry that i desired to talk to the pediatric ,and she saying that is totally normal by her age and totally normal also talk to your daughter about sex and precaution.So always your best decision will be the best for your daughter.

OP here- lots of good responses. We do talk about it a lot- we use every opportunity we can. Something I have tried to drill into DD's head is, anyone NOT using TWO forms of birth control might as well be planning to get pregnant. One WILL fail. Its just a matter of time. Abstinence until marriage is best, second best is TWO forms of birth control (one of which should be a condom).

By saying we are not close to this situation, I meant (hopefully) the actual provision or facilitation of obtaining the birth control. I think sex is something that should be discussed early and often, and in the context of every day life.

I agree with the PP who mentioned that teenagers are the same. I was a "good" kid in high school and was having sex at 16, as were most of my friends. I hope history doesn't repeat itself, but I want to be realistic while encouraging good choices.

[Anonymous]

Sorry- and "by the same" I just meant as a group - did not mean that it is not possible for teens to be abstinent or that ALL are alike- just more so the norms on the whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone planning to encourage abstinence - at least through the teen years?

Yes. We also talk about birth control. I know that kids will do what they want, but we encourage open communication. We have had 4 girls. Our girls are now grown and no pregnancies or sex while a teenager. We had no unwanted pregnancies either. I also explained that boys will do and say anything to get the girl to have sex. I am also open for birth control {if they had asked}. Or at least to have talked about why they felt ready to have sex. We also stated that if you aren't ready to take care of a baby financially and emotionally then sex is not for you yet. Luckily, they didn't feel the need to have sex as teenagers. We taught them to do what was right for them and not what others wanted. We are not religious, so it was more about self esteem of waiting for the right person. They have thanked us. If they were to have had sex.... we would have definitely covered birth control. I am just glad that they didn't. My girls said they wanted to be a kid and they stayed that way. I think luck and the fact that they wanted that greatly helped. We also made sure they were surrounded with support and friends whose families felt the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I watched my best friend have a baby at 18 and turn her life upside down. Didn't take more than that for me to exercise some self control in my own life.
I now preach abstinence to my 3 kids (11, 15 and 18) in much the same was as I expect them to control themselves when it comes to alcohol and drugs. They are all athletes and solid students so they have reminders of what they have to lose if they screw up.

I am the PP who does not think teaching abstinence alone is realistic. Sorry to sound snarky, but all of my friends were "athletes and solid students" and MOST of them were having sex before high school ended (this was almost 20 years ago). A "good kid" does not guarantee they will not have sex. None of my friends had babies because the ones that did get pregnant had abortions. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with "preaching abstinence." I do believe that discussing your beliefs about waiting to have sex should be coupled with the risks they take by having sex and in my mind this includes a discussion of birth control, STDs, pregnancy, peer pressure, etc., etc. Please do your children a favor and discuss birth control.

Teenagers have been the same for decades. They have sex, they experiment with drugs and alcohol. I'm not saying all do, but I think you are naive to think that because you had the experience you did your children will have the same one.

"Some" children do have sex that is true. It is also true that some don't. I find it insulting that you think every child will be having sex. I resent that as when I was growing up I got the same garbage. I didn't have sex and was proud to be a virgin. I got teased at school about it, but who cares? I got a lot of support from people when it was found out {by the teasing} that I was waiting. It started a group of new friends who was proud not to have sex. I am not against explaining sex or birth control, but I think it is UNREALISTIC to think that EVERY child will 'have" sex as a teen. It is messages like this that gets kids confused and wanting to 'fit in". I don't see anything wrong with teaching abstinence even if you are teaching about birth control. I think it is the most responsbible thing to do. Kids don't have to have sex and A LOT of them don't. I have 4 girls who didn't and we weren't even religious. It is about teaching self respect and waiting for the right person. It is about telling them the RISKS of STDs, AIDS, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry- and "by the same" I just meant as a group - did not mean that it is not possible for teens to be abstinent or that ALL are alike- just more so the norms on the whole.

Are you speaking about a specific school? I don't understand the "norm". It hasn't been the "norm" for us that 'most" kids have sex.