Teens and Birth Control

[Anonymous]

Another thread got me wondering about this - has anyone assisted their teen to obtain birth control or do you anticipate doing this?

What prompted this choice? What made it (your involvement in the process) a good / bad decision?

We are not close to this situation yet (I hope - we are only at 12), but its something I've wondered.

[Anonymous]

I have a son, age 13, so I'm sitting this parenting experience out but here's what I would do if I had a daughter: I would tell her to tell me the second she becomes sexually active and I would put her on the pill. Condoms and diaphragms are notoriously ineffective. In sex ed classes, all they do is promote abstinence and condoms and they never bother to mention that condoms are not all that reliable. It drives me nuts. This is what my friend with two older daughters did with the input of their pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

To the PP-
WHAT! You're sitting this experience out! Holy cow. Please tell me you're educating your son about condoms and insisting that he use them so that he doesn't get a disease.

[Anonymous]

I have a son also, and I intend to drill the condom useage message home no matter how embarrassing it is.

Also, we've got a book called It's Perfetly Normal that discusses various birth control methods, so he'll be versed.

[Anonymous]

13:14 I did not word that correctly. I assumed OP was talking about a daughter and since I have a son I do not have to assist him to get birth control, he can purchase condoms himself -- there's no age requirement. So that's the part I am sitting out -- I don't have to assist him, which is the OP's question. Of course we discuss birth control and one of my big messages is that condoms and diaphragms are not the most effective birth control methods. As I noted, the sex ed instruction he's received emphasizes condoms as if they were as effective as the pill and they most certainly are not. I think every sex ed class should hand out a chart with the effective rates of major birth control methods to drive home the differences.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a mistake to tell your son condoms aren't reliable. First, I think that they are reliable (that is what I use). Second, I would be concerned that he won't use them at all if you tell him that and I assume you want him to use them to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Third, how can he know if the girl is faithfully taking birth control? At least the condom is extra assurance.

[Anonymous]

I think you should still get your son some condoms or tell him that if he needs them but does not want ot buy them himself then he should come talk to you and you will provide. I have a son and a daughter and I will tell them (not yet they are 7 and 9) to use both a hormonal method and a barrier method. I will tell them that my first choice is that they wait until they are older/out of high school at least before sex, my second choice is that if they are active they use protection and I will help with this, and that the only way I will be disappointed is that if they are active without taking care of themselves and their partners.

[Anonymous]

13:14 I did not word that correctly. I assumed OP was talking about a daughter and since I have a son I do not have to assist him to get birth control, he can purchase condoms himself -- there's no age requirement. So that's the part I am sitting out -- I don't have to assist him, which is the OP's question

Right, because most 13-yr old boys are perfectly comfortable and not the least bit embarrassed to walk into a drugstore and buy condoms.
I don't think the fact that there's no age restriction on purchase is a good reason to leave your son "on his own" with this one.

[Anonymous]

Not in love with the "not reliable" description for condoms. They don't 100% prevent pregnancy or STDs, but they are reliable in the sense that if regularly and correctly used, they definitely prevent a lot of STDs and pregnancies, and some is better than none.

Would really include explicit discussion of how to properly use, and how to discuss w/ girlfriend (i.e. should discuss what she agrees to use if engaging in sex), other things they can use together (like spermicide), and knowing sexual history, how/where to get tested, and having thought through what the consequences of pregnancy mean, etc.

[Anonymous]

I wrote that condoms are not all that reliable in the context of three years of sex ed classes that promote the condom as if it were the only option after abstinence. If you talk to these students, they think the condom is 99.9% reliable when it's more like 88% - 95% reliable. Of course that's better than nothing -- though statistically not by much, see below! -- but it's not the best there is and teen sex ed programs are not being clear about the range of effective birth control.

My son assures me he will be comfortable buying his own condoms when he becomes sexually active. (Thank you for your concern, 13:52!) As he correctly noted, the cashier isn't going to know if they're for him or if they're a gag gift, etc. We are covering all of the above, as delineated by 13:53.

Here are some stats:

Birth control methods
Reliability/Efficiency
Tubal ligation /vasectomy
99.6 - 100%
IUD "Mirena"
99.8 - 100%
Copper IUD
98 - 99.7%
Injectables 99.4 - 99.9%
Birth control pills
99.8 - 100%
Contraceptive patch
92 - 99.7%
Contraceptive ring
92 - 99.1%
Progestin-only pills
92 - 98%
Cervical cap
90 - 95%
Male condom
88 - 95.8%
Female condom
79 - 95%
Natural family planning
80 - 86.6%
Spermicides 79 - 99.7%
Emergency contraception
75 - 80% (onetime)
No birth control
15 - 56.9%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:14 I did not word that correctly. I assumed OP was talking about a daughter and since I have a son I do not have to assist him to get birth control, he can purchase condoms himself -- there's no age requirement. So that's the part I am sitting out -- I don't have to assist him, which is the OP's question. Of course we discuss birth control and one of my big messages is that condoms and diaphragms are not the most effective birth control methods. As I noted, the sex ed instruction he's received emphasizes condoms as if they were as effective as the pill and they most certainly are not. I think every sex ed class should hand out a chart with the effective rates of major birth control methods to drive home the differences.

You are dead wrong there. OP's daughter could, theoretically, go to Planned Parenthood and get better/more reliable birth control, but OP understands that her DD may not actually doing that, what with being a teen and having impaired judgment and other limitations.

Your son (and my sons) have the same limitations, and most certainly do require information and assistance. You should not be "sitting this one out."

[Anonymous]

16:21 I am giving my son information and assistance. In fact I am doing everything possible to educate my son about relationships, dating and sex. The only thing I am sitting out is, as I wrote above and as you generously highlighted, the purchase of condoms -- the transaction. He's going to do that on his own when he becomes sexually active which could be a few years from now. If you and your sons are going to make condom-shopping a family outing, more power to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:21 I am giving my son information and assistance. In fact I am doing everything possible to educate my son about relationships, dating and sex. The only thing I am sitting out is, as I wrote above and as you generously highlighted, the purchase of condoms -- the transaction. He's going to do that on his own when he becomes sexually active which could be a few years from now. If you and your sons are going to make condom-shopping a family outing, more power to you!

I think what PP meant was that it is highly likely that your son will be too embarrassed to BUY the condoms, which is why YOU might have to assist your son with his purchase and will mean that you are most definitely NOT sitting this one out.

I have younger kids, but as a teenager I remember my mother discussing birth control with my brother and me. She told us if we got an STD or got someone/got pregnant we were responsible. My brother didn't get a "pass" on the "a baby is forever" conversation just because he is a guy, and I think too many parents don't ever have that conversation with their sons.

[Anonymous]

Is anyone planning to encourage abstinence - at least through the teen years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone planning to encourage abstinence - at least through the teen years?

because that's realistic.