Soon to be 6 year old still struggling with potty training.

[Anonymous]

Hello OP. At 6 he can 100% understand why he needs to go in the potty for all his toileting needs. I'm completely with the poster who said to spike with miralax over a long weekend and hunker down. Honestly have him sit on the toilet backwards and plop an iPad on the back and wait it out. Or think about having him use a stool so he's more in a squat position. The squatty potty has done their research.

If after a long weekend with the above (and bribery) there is no "movement" you need to get him checked, either for special needs or with a gastrointestinal specialist. It's not normal.

[Anonymous]

OP I have been waiting for you for years so I could finally be the person who says we were you but came out on the other side.

First, I’m sorry for all the people piling on saying this isn’t normal, as if you don’t know that! Of course you know, and peoples shocked judgement doesn’t help. I was so embarrassed of my son’s issue that no one in our life knew. So who knows how “normal” this situation actually is? My son wouldn’t poop on the toilet - only a pull up- until after 7. It was such a nightmare, and it was NOT for lack of trying. We tried every bribe, every technique, I read books, took him to therapy for over a year. I Made him sit on the toilet 20+ mins multiple times a day. We had many instances of “no more pull ups” and he would just stop pooping. Once he went 10 days. It took over our life and had me really spiraling. He is totaly developmentally normal.

Honestly, there is no magic bullet. You haven’t said what you have tried, so go ahead and try the basics if you haven’t - bribery etc. But after that, my son really turned the corner with the max dose of Miralax over an extended period of time.
We had done Miralax plenty of times before, but he was not constipated so it never seemed like the right thing. But continued Miralax and sitting 20+ mins a few times a day made his poop so loose that once when he was sitting, it basically Just came out and surprised us both. I made zero fuss, just taught him how to wipe, and within a week of that first time he was completely independent.

I am lucky that he didn’t have accidents, he just held it until after school or after a weekend at Grandma’s etc. The accidents make it even tougher and im really sorry you’re dealing with it. My son didn’t have trouble with pee, but he wore pull ups to bed at night forever and they were wet every single morning. After he was poop independent, within a month or so he was dry at night and didn’t need a pull up at night either. Who knows if they’re related, but maybe if you can get poop under control with Miralax, the pee will come too. To me, the poop seems a bigger deal for Starting school. You can get special absorbent underwear for him to wear to K if there’s still a chance he may have a Pee accident.

Basically though, I just wanted to lend support. This is HARD and you have no idea unless you’ve been through it. I truly thought it would never end, but then one day it did. We were actively working on it for 4.5 YEARS! But he did ultimately basically outgrow it and now it’s a memory. He’s 9 now and a totally normal happy kid. Eventually this will be you too.

[Anonymous]

This could absolutely be constipation, or withholding could stem from trauma around a painful BM in his past. I’d consult a GI specialist/have imaging done to rule out a blockage. Pee accidents can be a symptom of constipation.

If this is the case, which it was for one of my kids, doctor would likely want to clean him out, meaning turn everything in his bowels liquid until he can’t hold it in and it’s completely gone. This can be done with Miralax or a supplement like magnesium citrate or high doses of vitamin C. Then, you’d need to maintain softer stools for him to get past the withholding behavior. I gave my DC magnesium every day (a liquid one that tasted like apple juice so she would drink it without fighting me) and epsom salt baths a few times a week, plus prunes.

Also, the video The Poo in You on YouTube made a huge difference for my kid! And get a squatty potty so he can learn to sit in the best position for easy BMs.

[Anonymous]

You have got to get your kid to a specialist and therapist. Call your pediatrician today and get referrals. This is not in the realm of normal, OP, and you let it go for far, far too long.

Please! Your poor little boy. You have to get him help.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely suspect something like encopresis. Stool may be building up in his colon and putting pressure on his bladder which is making him have pee accidents, too. You wouldn't necessarily see classic signs of constipation, either.

Regardless, it's time for a new pediatrician and referral to a specialist. Poop issues late are a little more common but only avoiding pee accidents 75% of the time is not typical at all. At 6 years old it should be 100% of the time no pee accidents, unless something else is going on. The job now is to figure out what that something else is, and it's probably connected to the poop. You need a new pediatrician for not recognizing this and being so blase about a rising kindergartner with no identified needs still having bathroom accidents.

[Anonymous]

You need a better pediatrician and a better preschool. Clearly being at home so much with Mom is not working. A real preschool would have nipped this in the bud years ago. YEARS.

[Anonymous]

Make an appointment with the WISH Clinic at Children’s Hospital.

https://childrensnational.org/departments/wetting-infections-and-stooling-help-wish

[Anonymous]

How does he do at nighttime OP? Is he wearing undies then, or a diaper?

I know the primary concern here is him pooping, but does he have pee accidents frequently as well?

Unlike others posting here, I'm not here to judge, I'm trying to pin down what is going on with him. I've worked in childcare for the better part of 11 years, and while this isn't the norm--believe it or not, this isn't something that's completely unknown to me. If he's having pee accidents, along with pooping...that would suggest to me that he's maybe dealing with Encopresis /blockage, as that can sometimes put pressure on the bladder, and cause urgency problems. A kid can be severely constipated and still be pooping regularly.

Have you all ever used Miralax?

[Anonymous]

OP, nothing but compassion here -- and one suggestion: have you asked your DS why he won't poop? Is he nervous? Have you tried showing him that, for example, you have 10 pull-ups left, and then calmly explaining that you won't be buying any diapers after that, but you're excited because DS will get [insert prize of choice here]. As you get closer to the end of that 10 (or however many) pull-ups, remind him that there are X number of pull-ups left, and that you know he's going to do great and is going to have so much fun with [whatever prize]. I have an anxious child who was also late to be potty trained. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of giving my DS a miralax (although I can absolutely see how that would work for others -- and it may work for your son). Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Mirilax plus outright bribing with highly desirable toys worked for my 3 year old. First she got the toy just for sitting while trying, even if she had to stand in the end. Later, she got a toy ONLY if she produced some BM on the toilet - which included if she started in her underwear and finished on the potty. Later, she ONLY got the toy if she went sitting on the potty without anything in her underwear.

Also talked with her about pushing like she had to fart and told her to fart while sitting to help her understand how to control the muscles to produce the desired outcome while sitting.

We used My Little Pony figures (I got a pack of like 12 of them that I had ready for each "success"). Find something your child REALLY wants, show it to them and tempt the heck out of them, but put your foot down that they can only have it incrementally for making steps as described above. Immediately give it to them after the success and celebrate each success like you're a ridiculous nutcase, whooping and cheering and hollaring till your kid laughs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to move this to the special concerns board. This is not at all typical when most kids are potty trained/no longer using diapers (at least during day time/wake time) at 2-3. What does his pediatrician say?

Good luck.

I thought that forum was more for blended family and custody divorce type situations.

His pediatrician says she does not think there is a physical or medical issue, and that “he will get it figured out soon” she doesn’t seem too concerned. Last time I talked to her was in February and said just said to keep working with him and that 6 months was a long time and she was sure he would be ok come August. I’m getting more and more worried.

I'm sorry I didn't mean special concerns I meant kids with special needs.

I think you need a new pediatrician who will actually help you instead of dismissing this. This is a big deal and your ped not being concerned is not a good sign for her competence. Get a new ped, get a referral to peds GI and possibly a therapist too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I have been waiting for you for years so I could finally be the person who says we were you but came out on the other side.

First, I’m sorry for all the people piling on saying this isn’t normal, as if you don’t know that! Of course you know, and peoples shocked judgement doesn’t help. I was so embarrassed of my son’s issue that no one in our life knew. So who knows how “normal” this situation actually is? My son wouldn’t poop on the toilet - only a pull up- until after 7. It was such a nightmare, and it was NOT for lack of trying. We tried every bribe, every technique, I read books, took him to therapy for over a year. I Made him sit on the toilet 20+ mins multiple times a day. We had many instances of “no more pull ups” and he would just stop pooping. Once he went 10 days. It took over our life and had me really spiraling. He is totaly developmentally normal.

Honestly, there is no magic bullet. You haven’t said what you have tried, so go ahead and try the basics if you haven’t - bribery etc. But after that, my son really turned the corner with the max dose of Miralax over an extended period of time.
We had done Miralax plenty of times before, but he was not constipated so it never seemed like the right thing. But continued Miralax and sitting 20+ mins a few times a day made his poop so loose that once when he was sitting, it basically Just came out and surprised us both. I made zero fuss, just taught him how to wipe, and within a week of that first time he was completely independent.

I am lucky that he didn’t have accidents, he just held it until after school or after a weekend at Grandma’s etc. The accidents make it even tougher and im really sorry you’re dealing with it. My son didn’t have trouble with pee, but he wore pull ups to bed at night forever and they were wet every single morning. After he was poop independent, within a month or so he was dry at night and didn’t need a pull up at night either. Who knows if they’re related, but maybe if you can get poop under control with Miralax, the pee will come too. To me, the poop seems a bigger deal for Starting school. You can get special absorbent underwear for him to wear to K if there’s still a chance he may have a Pee accident.

Basically though, I just wanted to lend support. This is HARD and you have no idea unless you’ve been through it. I truly thought it would never end, but then one day it did. We were actively working on it for 4.5 YEARS! But he did ultimately basically outgrow it and now it’s a memory. He’s 9 now and a totally normal happy kid. Eventually this will be you too.

OP here:
Thank you so much for posting. While I totally understand this is not normal, duh, I also think it happens more than people admit. It’s just something no parent wants to talk about or admit to. I as a parent feel like a total failure. This overshadows all the great things he does and is great at. I try to keep it a total secret from anyone I can. A year ago he would come up to me in front of others and say he needed a diaper. I knew it was because he needed to poo but other parents would look at me in horror like I was some monster or he was very damaged. And immediately start in on all the things I needed to do. It was exhausting. Because I had already tried everything they said. He now knows he should be going in the toilet so he doesn’t advertise when he needs a diaper. So now it’s our deep dark secret I am so very ashamed of.

As for what we have tried.....everything. Bribes of candy, games, toys, special one on one time, movie ps, even trips to zoo or animal park. We have tried refusing diapers for days, stool softeners, even enemas which was beyond horrific. We have tried punishments of loosing toys, games, staying in his room, and even spanking. We have tried EVERYTHING. He says he is scared to poop in the potty. After the enema he did go in the potty because I held him there and he screamed the entire time. I actually think that pushed him further backwards. I have tried reasoning with him and tied taking all emotions out of it and just changing him with zero emotion. Nothing works. He just says he’s scared or doesn’t want to.

He is in underwear at night and during the day. The only time he is in a diaper is when he asks for one to poop. He immediately goes to the restroom, closes the door as he doesn’t like people to watch him go, then he comes back to me or his dad to be changed. Oh yea we have had him clean himself up for a couple weeks and while he did try to clean up he did a horrible job and it didn’t stop him from still asking for a diaper. So for now we are back to taking the emotions out of it and just changing him.

I guess I came here hoping to find more parents who would admit they had been thru this before and maybe something that worked for there child. Unfortunately I just got more of what I’m used to. But I do understand, I would probably react the same way if I hadn’t been thru this myself. He is really excited about kindergarten and he knows this has to stop before he can go, so I’m hoping one day it will just stop. Oh and for those that asked why he didn’t start kindergarten last year. He would have been one of the youngest in his class and he is really small for his age and while academically he was ready he wasn’t socially and physically (potty training). After discussing with a couple teachers they felt it would be better to start at 6 and excel vs start young and struggle. Several of his peers are doing the same and waiting to start this year.

[Anonymous]

OP - no, there are not more parents out there with 5.5+ year olds who still aren’t potty trained. Don’t be rude. Many responses were helpful, get help beyond your pediatrician. This is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to move this to the special concerns board. This is not at all typical when most kids are potty trained/no longer using diapers (at least during day time/wake time) at 2-3. What does his pediatrician say?

Good luck.

I thought that forum was more for blended family and custody divorce type situations.

His pediatrician says she does not think there is a physical or medical issue, and that “he will get it figured out soon” she doesn’t seem too concerned. Last time I talked to her was in February and said just said to keep working with him and that 6 months was a long time and she was sure he would be ok come August. I’m getting more and more worried.

I'm sorry I didn't mean special concerns I meant kids with special needs.

I think you need a new pediatrician who will actually help you instead of dismissing this. This is a big deal and your ped not being concerned is not a good sign for her competence. Get a new ped, get a referral to peds GI and possibly a therapist too.

This sounds horrible op and I’m sorry for your son and you that you’re going through it. Please get a new pediatrician. I can’t believe any doctor would act like this is no big deal. Incomprehensible really. I have worked in elementary schools (k-3) for years and never seen this issue with any kids unless they have special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have been waiting for you for years so I could finally be the person who says we were you but came out on the other side.

First, I’m sorry for all the people piling on saying this isn’t normal, as if you don’t know that! Of course you know, and peoples shocked judgement doesn’t help. I was so embarrassed of my son’s issue that no one in our life knew. So who knows how “normal” this situation actually is? My son wouldn’t poop on the toilet - only a pull up- until after 7. It was such a nightmare, and it was NOT for lack of trying. We tried every bribe, every technique, I read books, took him to therapy for over a year. I Made him sit on the toilet 20+ mins multiple times a day. We had many instances of “no more pull ups” and he would just stop pooping. Once he went 10 days. It took over our life and had me really spiraling. He is totaly developmentally normal.

Honestly, there is no magic bullet. You haven’t said what you have tried, so go ahead and try the basics if you haven’t - bribery etc. But after that, my son really turned the corner with the max dose of Miralax over an extended period of time.
We had done Miralax plenty of times before, but he was not constipated so it never seemed like the right thing. But continued Miralax and sitting 20+ mins a few times a day made his poop so loose that once when he was sitting, it basically Just came out and surprised us both. I made zero fuss, just taught him how to wipe, and within a week of that first time he was completely independent.

I am lucky that he didn’t have accidents, he just held it until after school or after a weekend at Grandma’s etc. The accidents make it even tougher and im really sorry you’re dealing with it. My son didn’t have trouble with pee, but he wore pull ups to bed at night forever and they were wet every single morning. After he was poop independent, within a month or so he was dry at night and didn’t need a pull up at night either. Who knows if they’re related, but maybe if you can get poop under control with Miralax, the pee will come too. To me, the poop seems a bigger deal for Starting school. You can get special absorbent underwear for him to wear to K if there’s still a chance he may have a Pee accident.

Basically though, I just wanted to lend support. This is HARD and you have no idea unless you’ve been through it. I truly thought it would never end, but then one day it did. We were actively working on it for 4.5 YEARS! But he did ultimately basically outgrow it and now it’s a memory. He’s 9 now and a totally normal happy kid. Eventually this will be you too.

OP here:
Thank you so much for posting. While I totally understand this is not normal, duh, I also think it happens more than people admit. It’s just something no parent wants to talk about or admit to. I as a parent feel like a total failure. This overshadows all the great things he does and is great at. I try to keep it a total secret from anyone I can. A year ago he would come up to me in front of others and say he needed a diaper. I knew it was because he needed to poo but other parents would look at me in horror like I was some monster or he was very damaged. And immediately start in on all the things I needed to do. It was exhausting. Because I had already tried everything they said. He now knows he should be going in the toilet so he doesn’t advertise when he needs a diaper. So now it’s our deep dark secret I am so very ashamed of.

As for what we have tried.....everything. Bribes of candy, games, toys, special one on one time, movie ps, even trips to zoo or animal park. We have tried refusing diapers for days, stool softeners, even enemas which was beyond horrific. We have tried punishments of loosing toys, games, staying in his room, and even spanking. We have tried EVERYTHING. He says he is scared to poop in the potty. After the enema he did go in the potty because I held him there and he screamed the entire time. I actually think that pushed him further backwards. I have tried reasoning with him and tied taking all emotions out of it and just changing him with zero emotion. Nothing works. He just says he’s scared or doesn’t want to.

He is in underwear at night and during the day. The only time he is in a diaper is when he asks for one to poop. He immediately goes to the restroom, closes the door as he doesn’t like people to watch him go, then he comes back to me or his dad to be changed. Oh yea we have had him clean himself up for a couple weeks and while he did try to clean up he did a horrible job and it didn’t stop him from still asking for a diaper. So for now we are back to taking the emotions out of it and just changing him.

I guess I came here hoping to find more parents who would admit they had been thru this before and maybe something that worked for there child. Unfortunately I just got more of what I’m used to. But I do understand, I would probably react the same way if I hadn’t been thru this myself. He is really excited about kindergarten and he knows this has to stop before he can go, so I’m hoping one day it will just stop. Oh and for those that asked why he didn’t start kindergarten last year. He would have been one of the youngest in his class and he is really small for his age and while academically he was ready he wasn’t socially and physically (potty training). After discussing with a couple teachers they felt it would be better to start at 6 and excel vs start young and struggle. Several of his peers are doing the same and waiting to start this year.

Sorry OP. I am trying to be compassionate but the one suffering the most is your son, and none if it is his fault. The fact that you still change him after he poops in the diaper is just so wrong. You are blind to the issue. He needs a diaper to poop, fine. But at least let him wipe his butt for goodness sake. It's not like he sits in it and needs a deep cleaning. You did not empower him early enough to potty train and now he has a phobia. I get that. But at least start doing the right thing now. You listed everything you tried, but you still treat him like a baby. I agree with the other posters who said do it big.