School wants to meet over toddler behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any ideas how I can help my child? I’m stumped bc again, I don’t see this behavior at home. I did ask her teacher today bc she thought I was doing well by keeping a regimen at home (we are strict with her routines and rarely deviate unless we are on vacation or it’s a holiday). But that was it. This is so stressful!

I think the obvious first thing you do is go talk to the teacher with an open mind, and hear what they have to say. They will probably have suggestions.

I wonder with the wiggling at nap time thing if you're putting her to bed super early like DCUM likes. She should be napping during nap time. If that means you need to keep her up later night that's a win/win since she gets more attention from you, and she'll sleep better at school.

I'd also say that a regimen that's too strict doesn't give kids practice with handling novelty, waiting for things, etc . . You want to find that authoritarian but not authoritative balance.

But first, listen to what they have to say.

Thanks, we will. We plan on meeting with our pediatrician after the meeting. I guess what I’m afraid of is maybe she’s just going through the terrible twos (this behavior is recent in the past few weeks), and I don’t want to jump on the culture of thinking something has to be wrong with my child and slapping labels on them. But if it’s a real problem, I also want to help her before we get into trouble.

I do think we keep a good balance at home. She had a routine but it’s not like she’s going to bed at 10 every night. If she doesn’t nap, she’s down at 7, and will sleep a good 12 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any ideas how I can help my child? I’m stumped bc again, I don’t see this behavior at home. I did ask her teacher today bc she thought I was doing well by keeping a regimen at home (we are strict with her routines and rarely deviate unless we are on vacation or it’s a holiday). But that was it. This is so stressful!

I think the obvious first thing you do is go talk to the teacher with an open mind, and hear what they have to say. They will probably have suggestions.

I wonder with the wiggling at nap time thing if you're putting her to bed super early like DCUM likes. She should be napping during nap time. If that means you need to keep her up later night that's a win/win since she gets more attention from you, and she'll sleep better at school.

I'd also say that a regimen that's too strict doesn't give kids practice with handling novelty, waiting for things, etc . . You want to find that authoritarian but not authoritative balance.

But first, listen to what they have to say.

No, the obvious first thing you do is contact your support network and make sure those people are also at the meeting to listen. Do you have a DH or a DW who is also in the network? Do you have extended family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any ideas how I can help my child? I’m stumped bc again, I don’t see this behavior at home. I did ask her teacher today bc she thought I was doing well by keeping a regimen at home (we are strict with her routines and rarely deviate unless we are on vacation or it’s a holiday). But that was it. This is so stressful!

I think the obvious first thing you do is go talk to the teacher with an open mind, and hear what they have to say. They will probably have suggestions.

I wonder with the wiggling at nap time thing if you're putting her to bed super early like DCUM likes. She should be napping during nap time. If that means you need to keep her up later night that's a win/win since she gets more attention from you, and she'll sleep better at school.

I'd also say that a regimen that's too strict doesn't give kids practice with handling novelty, waiting for things, etc . . You want to find that authoritarian but not authoritative balance.

But first, listen to what they have to say.

Thanks, we will. We plan on meeting with our pediatrician after the meeting. I guess what I’m afraid of is maybe she’s just going through the terrible twos (this behavior is recent in the past few weeks), and I don’t want to jump on the culture of thinking something has to be wrong with my child and slapping labels on them. But if it’s a real problem, I also want to help her before we get into trouble.

I do think we keep a good balance at home. She had a routine but it’s not like she’s going to bed at 10 every night. If she doesn’t nap, she’s down at 7, and will sleep a good 12 hours.

If she doesn't sleep at daycare, then that night you need to keep her up till the time she'd go to sleep if she did. You need to get her into a routine that includes a nap at daycare. 2 year olds should not be in care all day without a break in the form of a nap.

[Anonymous]

My kid stopped napping at 2.8. That’s not unusual. Guessing she’s transitioning to no nap and it’s affecting her moods

[Anonymous]

Maybe she needs to be moved to the 3yr old class.

She sounds bored, not challenged, and might need peers older than her as role models

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid stopped napping at 2.8. That’s not unusual. Guessing she’s transitioning to no nap and it’s affecting her moods

Was your kid in daycare?

It's fine if your kid has a SAHP or a nanny, but kids in full time care need a schedule that both provides that break midday and prioritizes their 1:1 time with parents.

[Anonymous]

Your child is well on the way to 3. She’s not a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who teach two year olds have a really good sense of how typical two year olds behave and respond to redirection. If they're saying the behavior warrants a conversation and some problem solving, then it probably does.

+1

[Anonymous]

You haven't even met with the teacher and you're thinking that she's picking on your kid?

Go in ready to listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ripping stuff off the walls is not normal behavior for that age. Does she have any siblings at home? It sounds like she may be used to everyone catering to her at home and hasn't learned how to function in an environment where she isn't everyone's sole focus.

No, only child, though we have plenty of play dates. I have thought that maybe being an only child contributes to this, and her class size has recently grown by a lot suddenly.

You sound very defensive. Even your last sentence “the class size has grown by a lot.” Is that an excuse? Your child’s teacher, someone with way more experience than you (a first time mom), wants to talk about some behavior she is seeing that isn’t the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she needs to be moved to the 3yr old class.

She sounds bored, not challenged, and might need peers older than her as role models

NP here. I disagree. I think she should not be advanced to the 3 yr old class until she can follow directions better. One of the points of preschool is to help children become emotionally ready for different stages. At 2.8, they should be able to follow directions with repetition. At this point, she's been in the 2's class for 3/4 of the year. She should be able to follow classroom rules that include not taking things off the walls and not taking snacks from other children. If she is not following these rules, she is not emotionally ready to be in the 3's class.

OP--do not stress out about this. The point of the meeting is that your daughter has not absorbed the rules to the point of being able to follow them. She is not in trouble; you are not in trouble. A meeting like this is usually a chance for the teacher to talk to you and work with you to come up with consistent rules and framework to help your daughter learn rules and how to follow them. Since your daughter is not behaving like this at home, it may be helpful for you to think about how you redirect your child to not take food from other people and how you help her understand not to pull things off the walls or take things from other people.

I have twins and whenever we had a meeting with teachers around that age, it was usually a discussion about how to make sure that the rules and the redirection techniques with synchronized between the teacher and at home, so that the child was getting consistent messaging and learning the rules. So, the only thing you should do between now and the meeting is to think about how you prevent similar type behavior at home. If you have techniques that work to redirect her so that she doesn't do some of these things, then have those in hand to discuss with the teacher. Teachers often have 6-8 children and without knowledge of how different parents redirect or guide their children, they often select one set of techniques for working with all of the children. But children are unique and what works for Larla may not work for your daughter. So any input you can provide for how to stop the behavior would likely be welcomed by the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she needs to be moved to the 3yr old class.

She sounds bored, not challenged, and might need peers older than her as role models

NP here. I disagree. I think she should not be advanced to the 3 yr old class until she can follow directions better. One of the points of preschool is to help children become emotionally ready for different stages. At 2.8, they should be able to follow directions with repetition. At this point, she's been in the 2's class for 3/4 of the year. She should be able to follow classroom rules that include not taking things off the walls and not taking snacks from other children. If she is not following these rules, she is not emotionally ready to be in the 3's class.

OP--do not stress out about this. The point of the meeting is that your daughter has not absorbed the rules to the point of being able to follow them. She is not in trouble; you are not in trouble. A meeting like this is usually a chance for the teacher to talk to you and work with you to come up with consistent rules and framework to help your daughter learn rules and how to follow them. Since your daughter is not behaving like this at home, it may be helpful for you to think about how you redirect your child to not take food from other people and how you help her understand not to pull things off the walls or take things from other people.

I have twins and whenever we had a meeting with teachers around that age, it was usually a discussion about how to make sure that the rules and the redirection techniques with synchronized between the teacher and at home, so that the child was getting consistent messaging and learning the rules. So, the only thing you should do between now and the meeting is to think about how you prevent similar type behavior at home. If you have techniques that work to redirect her so that she doesn't do some of these things, then have those in hand to discuss with the teacher. Teachers often have 6-8 children and without knowledge of how different parents redirect or guide their children, they often select one set of techniques for working with all of the children. But children are unique and what works for Larla may not work for your daughter. So any input you can provide for how to stop the behavior would likely be welcomed by the teacher.

Oops, hit [submit] too soon.

I meant to add that having twins that are pretty different, the same techniques often worked for one twin and not the other, so we often had to provide teachers with some background of how we handled the differences between the children. So, this is pretty normal for the teacher to want to have a face-to-face meeting to discuss what is happening and try to come up with solutions to teach your daughter how to behave and follow rules at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ripping stuff off the walls is not normal behavior for that age. Does she have any siblings at home? It sounds like she may be used to everyone catering to her at home and hasn't learned how to function in an environment where she isn't everyone's sole focus.

No, only child, though we have plenty of play dates. I have thought that maybe being an only child contributes to this, and her class size has recently grown by a lot suddenly.

That doesn't mean the only child factor isn't contributing to it. If it is, there is plenty you can do at home even outside of playdates to encourage it. If you are in the middle of doing something (even something relaxing like reading) and your child asks you to do something with/for them, don't immediately drop what you are doing (unless it's truly something urgent). The snack, the game, the toy can wait for a couple of minutes until you are ready to stop what you are doing. If she wants something you have, don't always just right to sharing it with her - it's okay to sometimes say no, that's mommy's snack and you have your snack. At playdates, don't jump into every interaction with other kids to smooth the way, give your child child space to learn to work things out on their own (while keeping an eye to intervene before something serious happens).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who teach two year olds have a really good sense of how typical two year olds behave and respond to redirection. If they're saying the behavior warrants a conversation and some problem solving, then it probably does.

+1

+2. Go in with an open mind and ability to hear. They soul do all for a meeting if it was normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Is she dropping naps/napping less than the other kids? That happened to my DC around this age even at day care and it was really hard. It was earlier than all the other kids but there was nothing to be done. She was tired cranky sometimes too. It evened out eventually but it was really hard, the teachers hated that she wouldn’t sleep.