get me out of this cycle of whining and yelling

[Anonymous]

It gets better as they get older but these are such tough ages. I like to get up early, super early before the kids are up, to get a cup of coffee, have some alone time, and start getting breakfast ready. My kids are now 6*2 and 8 and they get themselves ready and play together in the morning until I call them downstairs.

[Anonymous]

You’re in a really tough phase and I empathize. I have 4 young kids. Mornings can be rough.

- Set out clothes the night before and ask them to change into them, on their own, before they come downstairs. Bonus if you can ask them to brush their teeth and go potty on their own too.
- Pick a simple breakfast that you do everyday. Ie: Cheerios and milk and sliced banana. Set out bowls and silverware the night before.
- Choose set activity they can do after getting responsibilities (changing clothes and eating breakfast) done. Ie: play with cars on blanket in designed area. No deviation or negotiations.
- Play quiet music in background. Encourage everyone to listen to music rather than talk over each other.
- Do anything and everything you can do the night before.
- Try your best to be chill and set the tone, even if/when they continue to be chaotic

It’s tough. You can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that you have three children and they are not old enough to stop being a pain.

I would consider dressing them the night before, have them sleep in their school clothes. With my kids, they have a picture checklist of what they must do (dressed, wash face, shoes, coat, backpack on) and if it is done they may have a little episode of Bluey as they sit by the door fully dressed.

we get ready in time (because they get up so damn early but that's a different issue) but its the attitude through the process when they need to wait patiently / entertain themself while I cook eggs, dress their brother, talk to one of them about their day etc. They all 3 are trying to suck up all my attention. Outside of these times, I can avoid it more by playing an activity everyone can engage in with me or taking them out on an adventure where they're not just sitting around whining for my attention, but during these times we have to be together in our house and i can't be ring leader of fun activity

They are 3 and 4 years old. Of course they want your attention in the small sliver of time before you’re apart for the day. This is normal and not going to change. This is what happens when you have multiple small kids at once.

(parent of multiple kids)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1-2-3 Magic is MADE for this. Highly recommend. The difference it made in my 2.5 year old after just a few days was amazing. After just two "break times" it clicked and teeth brushing has gone from wrestling a buttered alligator to easy-peasy.

Op here - it worked well on my oldest but my middle finds it too much of a game. He takes time outs as a challenge to escape / wrestle / do ninja moves etc. he’s not upset by it, he’s delighted. And if all else fails in his wrestle to get out of it, he will bang his head hard enough on the floor to make himself really cry / hurt so I have to tend to him (talked to pediatrician who said this isn’t abnormal). It’s hard to discipline when I have all 3 because they know I can’t afford to fight it out with them while the baby also has needs and we have to keep moving

This is the problem then. It’s not three or the time of day or the baby - it’s that your middle child is currently running the show. I would just carry him to his room for breaktime, put him in, and lock the door. No escape games. What does your ped say about what to do about the head banging? Is it actually important to stop him? If he bangs till it hurts and cries… should that just be what happens? Otherwise you’ve just trained your kid that all he had to do to get his way is bang his head.

You’ve gotta focus your attention here. You need a disciple approach for this kid that you can stick to or it’s just gonna get worse.

[Anonymous]

You can get at least the 4 year old to "help" (even if it's just a "make-work" task that keeps their hands busy and distracted). My little brother and I had a 4 year age gap and my mom would make me "help" and I ate it up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are blaming yourself for the wrong reasons. You think the problem is that you are unable to do enough preparation such that you can meet all of their demands and they’ll never have any inclination to whine.

You’re doing them a disservice because you have been unwilling to hold them responsible for behaving and communicating respectfully and learning patience.

seriously give me the tips on doing that. i fully agree i have the prep / logistics part solved - i need to change the dynamics so they wait patiently, don't expect me to sit down for 1:1 book reading etc

NP here, mom of several (now big) kids. So one thing I think would help a lot is a picture schedule for the kids. You can google those and get templates or printed up inexpensively. Teach them to look at the pictures so, for example, if dc wants you to read a book after dressing, he can look at the schedule and see that breakfast is next on the schedule (or whatever your plan is). This way, you're not saying 'no' to reading just to be mean mommy (I know you're not mean!) but 'the schedule says'..

They also need to learn to speak nicely for their requests. If dc yells that you forgot milk, ignore until he asks nicely (but do explain to him ahead of time that he needs to speak nicely). Same for cream cheese kid. I'd also teach them to 'help' with breakfast, example one kid puts out plates and cup, one kids does napkins, while you cook and serve food.

I'm not totally against screens either and while mine were older before screens were so common-I did allow an episode of Blues Clues if we were all dressed and fed, and fed baby during that time!

[Anonymous]

OP why are you cooking eggs and other complicated things on a school day? Cereal bars, frozen waffles, yogurt tubes, etc. are your friends on busy mornings. Don't overcomplicate things by making everything so time-consuming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why are you cooking eggs and other complicated things on a school day? Cereal bars, frozen waffles, yogurt tubes, etc. are your friends on busy mornings. Don't overcomplicate things by making everything so time-consuming.

NP because not everyone wants to feed their toddler processed junk before school.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s impossible. That’s why no one willingly does morning and bedtime with 3 kids these ages. I would put in headphones and go to your happy place in your head. Or really, if they’re at daycare all day and off screens, just do screentime during morning and evening. (I think you had a reason for not doing it, but I didn’t quite understand?)

The person who said “look at Catholic moms with 10 kids” forgets those ladies have older kids to help. They prob didn’t have it all together when there were just 3 little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why are you cooking eggs and other complicated things on a school day? Cereal bars, frozen waffles, yogurt tubes, etc. are your friends on busy mornings. Don't overcomplicate things by making everything so time-consuming.

NP because not everyone wants to feed their toddler processed junk before school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why are you cooking eggs and other complicated things on a school day? Cereal bars, frozen waffles, yogurt tubes, etc. are your friends on busy mornings. Don't overcomplicate things by making everything so time-consuming.

NP because not everyone wants to feed their toddler processed junk before school.

Cereal bars and gogurt, really? Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why are you cooking eggs and other complicated things on a school day? Cereal bars, frozen waffles, yogurt tubes, etc. are your friends on busy mornings. Don't overcomplicate things by making everything so time-consuming.

NP because not everyone wants to feed their toddler processed junk before school.

NP who also tries to have a less processed food breakfast at home because that's what they are given for the school/daycare breakfast. My oldest especially benefits from some protein in the morning too. However, I only have two kids and no longer have a baby, which is huge. I just get up a bit before the kids to make breakfast. I also make some egg muffin cups that I freeze for busy mornings.

Its such a hard phase OP and I struggle with whining with my 5yo and 3yo!

[Anonymous]

Mine are 6, 4 and newly turned 1. I thought it would get a bit better but it's actually kind of worse now that baby is "walking". Was better when she couldn't get around that much.

I've been coming down hard about whining (repeat "I do not understand whining" as needed) and volume lately because I really don't know how how I'm going to survive the summer with all of them around all the time. I just had a meeting with them and said I'm not putting up with the whining or the nosie anymore and we'd all have to work together to help the house be a more peaceful place. They're trying but it's not as if things will change overnight.

[Anonymous]

These are tough ages and 3:1 is a difficult ratio when you’re trying to get a lot done in the morning.

I agree with a PP who says you need to simplify breakfast. Not all “processed food” (or quick food) is bad. We often do whole grain frozen waffles and have fruit ready to go that is pre-washed (or a banana is easy to peel). We also do probiotic yogurts, granola bars, or PB toast. Basically nothing like watching eggs on a stove that requires attention.

Also, I do allow screen time in the morning, but it can be taken away (and has been before) for lack of cooperation. My kids know if they don’t come sit at the table for breakfast and then get dressed/brush teeth, they will lose their show. And when my youngest when through a tough phase I had a little jar with treats (gummy snacks, stickers, etc.). He could pick something out if he had big boy behavior. I’m sure some will judge this, but it got us through a rough patch.

I agree with ignoring whining. I remind my kids “when you ask nicely, you can have XYZ.” We also use timers a lot on Alexa. So they get a five minute warning before it’s time to transition. And I’m not sure if your older two are competitive like mine are, but we alternate turns for things (e.g. kid A gets to brush teeth first today and kid B is first tomorrow). It feels dumb to have to do it, but I cannot stand when they start racing each other to be first at something.