get me out of this cycle of whining and yelling
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Anonymous
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3 kids (4 / 3/ 7mo) that I'm on my own with for the toughest parts of the day (morning and evening rush). There's a lot I must do (get breakfast made, give baby a bottle, help 3yo dress etc) and we have enough time to do it all but the experience is awful. The kids are all so whiny and loud trying to get my attention and time as we push forward with the routine. I'll be feeding the baby and the 4yo will be yelling i forgot his milk and the 3 year old will be whining that he doesn't like the way i spread his cream cheese. It gets louder and whinier as everyone feeds off each other and even the baby starts loudly sqwuaking during these times now. Even when the kids are ready early and I'm just trying to get myself coffee, one is whining for me to read a book, another ramming my leg with a truck and the baby is screaming at me that he's been left on the floor for tummy time.
I feel like i've done every logistical thing to make it run more smoothly and we have the minutes to get it all done, just everyone wants different things at the same time and everyone needs some hands-on help and they've all adopted the strategy of the squeekiest / loudest wheel gets at least an exasperated response from me How do I reset the tone/culture of our mornings? I hate that we all start our day in kind of this negative cloud. I don't want to default to screens (so everyone can wait calmly and happily for their turn and no one is competing for my attention) but its starting to feel like at least then we wouldn't all start our day frustrated and exhausted. I do try to do a LOT of positive praise...its hit or miss but its already something i'm working on |
Anonymous
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You are blaming yourself for the wrong reasons. You think the problem is that you are unable to do enough preparation such that you can meet all of their demands and they’ll never have any inclination to whine.
You’re doing them a disservice because you have been unwilling to hold them responsible for behaving and communicating respectfully and learning patience. |
Anonymous
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The problem is that you have three children and they are not old enough to stop being a pain.
I would consider dressing them the night before, have them sleep in their school clothes. With my kids, they have a picture checklist of what they must do (dressed, wash face, shoes, coat, backpack on) and if it is done they may have a little episode of Bluey as they sit by the door fully dressed. |
Anonymous
seriously give me the tips on doing that. i fully agree i have the prep / logistics part solved - i need to change the dynamics so they wait patiently, don't expect me to sit down for 1:1 book reading etc |
Anonymous
we get ready in time (because they get up so damn early but that's a different issue) but its the attitude through the process when they need to wait patiently / entertain themself while I cook eggs, dress their brother, talk to one of them about their day etc. They all 3 are trying to suck up all my attention. Outside of these times, I can avoid it more by playing an activity everyone can engage in with me or taking them out on an adventure where they're not just sitting around whining for my attention, but during these times we have to be together in our house and i can't be ring leader of fun activity |
Anonymous
Hypothetically speaking, how would you respond to very bad language that they used repeatedly because they thought it was funny? |
Anonymous
| I think the problem is that you have a baby and two preschoolers. Preschoolers and infants need different things, which is why they are separated in classes in daycares. You could probably work out a system with the 3 and 4 to get them to behave if you weren't saddled with the baby at the same time. And honestly, kids that young just want parental attention. Is there any way you can hire a mother's helper to get you through the morning routine? I don't think the problem is you as some PPs suggest, I think you're just doing something very difficult. |
Anonymous
I ignore them entirely (pretend I don't hear them at all) or say I can't help someone talking to me like that but I'm happy to help when they find a better way to ask That's also what I do with the whining and they will restate in a less whiny voice for that one thing then immediately be right back at it. And the volume and energy all feeds off each other and I feel like I can't be fun and silly to try to lead the convo b/c my mind is on 7000 tasks and trying to not explode from all the noise |
Anonymous
| I didn't have three, just two, but one kid thrived with more responsibility and the other with being distracted with hugs and kisses. |
Anonymous
I do this too and cannot overstate that it is HARD to ignore a whiny kid when you have two other kids and a ton of stuff to do because you know that if you just give him what he asks for in a whiny way that will at least temporarily solve the problem. I need to grit my teeth or deep breathe sometimes when a kids starts screaming and whining for something. It is hard so don't beat yourself up if you are getting agitated or annoyed by them. You can only control how you respond (i.e. not yelling). Over time it absolutely is better to let them have a few monster whine fests and not get what they want until they learn to ask nicely but it is absolutely harder in the moment. |
Anonymous
| 1-2-3 Magic is MADE for this. Highly recommend. The difference it made in my 2.5 year old after just a few days was amazing. After just two "break times" it clicked and teeth brushing has gone from wrestling a buttered alligator to easy-peasy. |
Anonymous
Op here - it worked well on my oldest but my middle finds it too much of a game. He takes time outs as a challenge to escape / wrestle / do ninja moves etc. he’s not upset by it, he’s delighted. And if all else fails in his wrestle to get out of it, he will bang his head hard enough on the floor to make himself really cry / hurt so I have to tend to him (talked to pediatrician who said this isn’t abnormal). It’s hard to discipline when I have all 3 because they know I can’t afford to fight it out with them while the baby also has needs and we have to keep moving |
Anonymous
| Stop allowing them to whine, if they whine they should not get your help or attention. If they hit your leg with a toy the toys go away for the day. You need to learn to discipline your kids and quit putting up with this ridiculous nonsense. Teach your 3 year old to dress themselves and spread their own cream cheese, teach the 4 year old to get his own milk. If the jug is too heavy get him a little jug and keep it on a low shelf in the refrigerator. Part of growing up is becoming independent but you’re just creating children that depend on you for everything and it’s completely unnecessary.. Delegate tasks by teaching skills and stop putting up with the whining. They’re doing it because you allow it. Stop allowing it and teach them new expectations |
Anonymous
Stop telling them don’t yell or mommy will help you when you stop yelling. You can gently and calmly remind them once per day but they’re old enough to know better and clearly telling them every time doesn’t work. Let them yell their little hearts out and when they do finally ask appropriately then you pay attention to them and help them with what they need. Clearly what you’re doing now isn’t working time to try a new strategy. You also need to teach them to play quietly and independently and teach them to wait. Catering to their every whim immediately isn’t helping them at all. You’ve created needy kids that can’t wait 5 minutes and can’t play quietly when asked. You need to teach this skill asap. And teach them not to interrupt if you tell them they need to wait |
Anonymous
This. You gotta be a little tougher. Follow some Catholic mom accounts on ig. People with ten kids have it figured out. The key is running a TIGHT SHIP. |