Does anyone eat separately from their spouse?

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and eat with our kids (usually); spouse usually works late but since MIL lives with us she'll usually cook something for him from their culture (that neither I or the kids will eat) so basically we eat separately because of schedules and food preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him all of this? Does he understand the discrepancy?

Yes. He just says he gets too tired. But I’m tired, too.

NP. What is your reaction to this? If my DH did this to me, I would yell at him - like real yelling. I would go on a tirade about how I’m tired too and he is being lazy, and I would probably start crying legitimate tears in there. I’m not saying this is the right way to do things, but it gets his attention….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him all of this? Does he understand the discrepancy?

Yes. He just says he gets too tired. But I’m tired, too.

NP. What is your reaction to this? If my DH did this to me, I would yell at him - like real yelling. I would go on a tirade about how I’m tired too and he is being lazy, and I would probably start crying legitimate tears in there. I’m not saying this is the right way to do things, but it gets his attention….

Yelling isn’t an effective way to solve any problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him all of this? Does he understand the discrepancy?

Yes. He just says he gets too tired. But I’m tired, too.

NP. What is your reaction to this? If my DH did this to me, I would yell at him - like real yelling. I would go on a tirade about how I’m tired too and he is being lazy, and I would probably start crying legitimate tears in there. I’m not saying this is the right way to do things, but it gets his attention….

Yelling isn’t an effective way to solve any problem.

Really? Because sometimes I think it’s the only way men know you’re actually fed up.

[Anonymous]

This is sooo much bigger than dinner. Counseling to get on the same page about chores and household balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him all of this? Does he understand the discrepancy?

Yes. He just says he gets too tired. But I’m tired, too.

NP. What is your reaction to this? If my DH did this to me, I would yell at him - like real yelling. I would go on a tirade about how I’m tired too and he is being lazy, and I would probably start crying legitimate tears in there. I’m not saying this is the right way to do things, but it gets his attention….

Yelling isn’t an effective way to solve any problem.

Really? Because sometimes I think it’s the only way men know you’re actually fed up.

It doesn’t matter which gender or age, yelling shouldn’t be acceptable, find healthy ways to communicate and set up better a example for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't start refusing to prepare food for your spouse- that doesn't sound like it will end well.
My first question for you is do you have adequate childcare? You say you are a sahm- but you also work part time and are trying to get 2 certifications. Do you have childcare while you are working, or are you trying to fit it in around naptime, etc? That never ends well.
Specifically for meals- you don't seem to enjoy cooking and find it overwhelming. I would suggest making a meal plan for the week, if DH is capable of cooking he can make what you put on the plan, and have the groceries for- none of this running out to the store and eating at 8pm junk. Simplify your meals. Do you have a crockpot? This has been a lifesaver for me, there are so many things you can make in the crockpot. yes the soup stew you think about- but you can also do things like bbq chicken or pork- salsa chicken, etc.
In terms of his crappy cleaning, is he amenable to instruction? My DH does all the cleaning. When we first got married he sucked at it. Overtime he has gotten much better, but basically we came up with a checklist- a clean kitchen means 1) all dishes in the dishwasher; 2) all handwashing completed; 3) counters wiped; 4) floors swept. I tried to teach him to cook- he really can't, and that was just ending in frustration- so I do all the cooking, but if I am running around I will leave him with things in the oven etc that he needs to do something too- e.g. every 15 minutes take out this pan and stir the items so they are on the other side then put back in. (I do a fair amount of sheet pan meals as well- another really simple way to prepare dinner.)
And you have a baby waking up during the night- this is just a hard season. This to shall pass.

He really can't cook? How does that even work?

Seriously. It makes my vagina so dry just to read that. What a helpless little infant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him all of this? Does he understand the discrepancy?

Yes. He just says he gets too tired. But I’m tired, too.

NP. What is your reaction to this? If my DH did this to me, I would yell at him - like real yelling. I would go on a tirade about how I’m tired too and he is being lazy, and I would probably start crying legitimate tears in there. I’m not saying this is the right way to do things, but it gets his attention….

OP. Lol. My usual reaction is to eventually get fed up and overwhelmed and explode and cry. He pulls it together for a few days after that but it doesn’t last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him all of this? Does he understand the discrepancy?

Yes. He just says he gets too tired. But I’m tired, too.

NP. What is your reaction to this? If my DH did this to me, I would yell at him - like real yelling. I would go on a tirade about how I’m tired too and he is being lazy, and I would probably start crying legitimate tears in there. I’m not saying this is the right way to do things, but it gets his attention….

If both are tired, maybe they should eat out more or get carry out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him all of this? Does he understand the discrepancy?

Yes. He just says he gets too tired. But I’m tired, too.

NP. What is your reaction to this? If my DH did this to me, I would yell at him - like real yelling. I would go on a tirade about how I’m tired too and he is being lazy, and I would probably start crying legitimate tears in there. I’m not saying this is the right way to do things, but it gets his attention….

Yelling isn’t an effective way to solve any problem.

Really? Because sometimes I think it’s the only way men know you’re actually fed up.

It doesn’t matter which gender or age, yelling shouldn’t be acceptable, find healthy ways to communicate and set up better a example for your children.

Well I think OP can communicate “in a healthy way” til she’s blue in the face, but her DH is still going to be sitting on the couch not helping her. I don’t necessarily mean scream at him, but speak sternly, like an authoritative person who deserves respect. I think OP (and tons of other women on dcum) just ask their husbands calmly why they didn’t do the dishes, husband says I was tired, and wife lets it drop. I would not let it drop. Your DH responding/treating you like that is honestly worse than yelling.

[Anonymous]

Your priorities are wrong.

https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=why-the-family-meal-is-important-1-701#:~:text=When%20a%20family%20sits%20down,manage%20their%20weight%20more%20easily.

Put family first. Money and housecleaning should be way down on the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him all of this? Does he understand the discrepancy?

Yes. He just says he gets too tired. But I’m tired, too.

NP. What is your reaction to this? If my DH did this to me, I would yell at him - like real yelling. I would go on a tirade about how I’m tired too and he is being lazy, and I would probably start crying legitimate tears in there. I’m not saying this is the right way to do things, but it gets his attention….

OP. Lol. My usual reaction is to eventually get fed up and overwhelmed and explode and cry. He pulls it together for a few days after that but it doesn’t last.

Oh well. Maybe you guys need counseling. Or frozen meals and paper plates.

[Anonymous]

There are a million studies that show the advantages.

https://www.fcconline.org/blog/the-importance-of-family-mealtime/

It is a statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell him all of this? Does he understand the discrepancy?

Yes. He just says he gets too tired. But I’m tired, too.

NP. What is your reaction to this? If my DH did this to me, I would yell at him - like real yelling. I would go on a tirade about how I’m tired too and he is being lazy, and I would probably start crying legitimate tears in there. I’m not saying this is the right way to do things, but it gets his attention….

OP. Lol. My usual reaction is to eventually get fed up and overwhelmed and explode and cry. He pulls it together for a few days after that but it doesn’t last.

Sometimes men have such low emotional perception that making a big deal is the only way to get through to them. Especially when it's something they don't want to hear. I think you don't have to yell, but you do have to be crystal clear and repeat 100 times, and hold him to it every single time. Tolerate no slacking. If his job is to make dinner on Fridays, do not make it for him. Let him suffer. When he complains, calmly repeat that this is the agreement you and he made and you expect him to do it. If he says he is tired say that you are also tired but this is more important. If he turns on the TV turn it off or stand in front of it. Do not give in. Otherwise he will get more and more lazy and entitled. Your problem is that you keep giving in. Men don't think something's a big deal if you say it's a big deal. They only think it's a big deal if your actions show them.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Also two working parents. We order meal delivery or get Whole Foods type takeout on sundays for a few nights for us and the toddler. I cook dinner once or twice a week. Nanny handles very minor sides for toddler (things like quinoa, lentils, broccoli.) and then we do takeout, which my husband is in charge of. We usually eat at the table together. I wish we had it more together but we just don’t right now.