Gay Teachers – thinking about quitting?

[Anonymous]

*correction- if any did so…

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between hiding the fact you are gay and keeping your personal life private. The latter is the goal. We have tended toward a society where everything is out in the open all the time and maybe that is not for the best. Which is not to say anything needs to be hidden, just private. We can have some things that are private, such as who you choose to have sex with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be to do your job and not talk about your personal life. In fact, that's the advice for ALL teachers. I'm not sure why my kid's gay language teacher insists on saying things like, "That was a gay thing to say." Sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Doubtful you will be accused of grooming anyone if you keep your personal life private. Again, that goes for all teachers, not just gay ones.

This. No place in schools for this. Keep it professional and on topic.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I know having teachers I felt safe around was so so important to me when I was being bullied in middle school. I think keeping interactions with students public/through school logged platforms can go a long way to avoid the scenarios you’re worried a lot but it’s also hard to do a job like teaching if you’re feeling constantly attacked/on the spot. Wishing you the best whatever you decide! 💕

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be to do your job and not talk about your personal life. In fact, that's the advice for ALL teachers. I'm not sure why my kid's gay language teacher insists on saying things like, "That was a gay thing to say." Sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Doubtful you will be accused of grooming anyone if you keep your personal life private. Again, that goes for all teachers, not just gay ones.

So, no teachers should ever mention their partners/spouses?

I cannot remember a time when a teacher mentioned or needed to mention their spouse. Good try on trying to push your agenda.

Are you kidding? Teachers reference their spouses ALL THE TIME. It’s totally normal, as it should be. THey are humans.

I can’t think of a single time any of my teachers or professors mentioned a spouse. My husband recalls this was very rare in his case. In any event, mentioning a spouse is fine. Still, teachers should keep their personal lives personal. That will limit any risk. Any male teacher needs to be especially careful. My husband taught for years and worked never to be alone with a student. He also had no cause to mention his personal life. If you truly want suggestions, these will help.

Sounds like our experiences were pretty different. I knew, generally, the marital status (and thus sexuality) of most of my teachers, at least in high school, based on passing things they said in class. It wasn’t a topic of deep discussion, and they weren’t sharing deep personal stories. They were just people living in the world, telling anecdotes to illustrate a point in class or even just making small talk.

The point is, they weren’t worried that referencing their spouse was going to get them accused of grooming children. That’s what OP and other teachers in some parts of the country are facing right now. And the idea that LGBTQ teachers will be fine and free of this sort of harassment and persecution if they just “keep their personal lives private” is absolute bad-faith BS.

[Anonymous]

First, I have 3 kids, all in elementary school. They know all about their teacher's families. Don't know all about your co-workers families? They see them every day.

If you are worried though, you aren't teaching in a sufficiently LBTQ friendly district. You should change. My husband teaches in DC and I can assure you this is a non issue. That said, he has always been cognizant to never be in room alone with a male student behind a closed door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be to do your job and not talk about your personal life. In fact, that's the advice for ALL teachers. I'm not sure why my kid's gay language teacher insists on saying things like, "That was a gay thing to say." Sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Doubtful you will be accused of grooming anyone if you keep your personal life private. Again, that goes for all teachers, not just gay ones.

So just to be clear, their straight teachers must also never reference their husband or wife, have no personal photos in their classroom and not wear a wedding band, correct? Because, you know, “sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand.”

Just making sure we’re clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be to do your job and not talk about your personal life. In fact, that's the advice for ALL teachers. I'm not sure why my kid's gay language teacher insists on saying things like, "That was a gay thing to say." Sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Doubtful you will be accused of grooming anyone if you keep your personal life private. Again, that goes for all teachers, not just gay ones.

So just to be clear, their straight teachers must also never reference their husband or wife, have no personal photos in their classroom and not wear a wedding band, correct? Because, you know, “sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand.”

Just making sure we’re clear.

Teachers are not just teachers — they are role models, responsible, trusted adults kids can turn to if the need arises. I dislike this antiseptic notion of leaving your humanity at the schoolroom door. Thank you, teachers, for making sure students know who you really are.

[Anonymous]

Op I am sorry you feel this way. If you are married, I think is is more than ok to reference your husband. I think all teachers say things in passing about spouses or partners.

A few years back, I had and aid who was open. During morning meetings, I would ask him benign questions about what he and his husband did over the weekends. He was open about being gay. Kids then felt comfortable approaching and talking to him. It was beneficial for ALL students to see that an individual who helps them is different from some of them.

That year, I did not have and bullying issues with LGBTQ+ students in my class. His presence really made a difference. Stay strong and know your presence is appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be to do your job and not talk about your personal life. In fact, that's the advice for ALL teachers. I'm not sure why my kid's gay language teacher insists on saying things like, "That was a gay thing to say." Sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Doubtful you will be accused of grooming anyone if you keep your personal life private. Again, that goes for all teachers, not just gay ones.

So just to be clear, their straight teachers must also never reference their husband or wife, have no personal photos in their classroom and not wear a wedding band, correct? Because, you know, “sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand.”

Just making sure we’re clear.

What does a wedding band have to do with sexual orientation? Nice reach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be to do your job and not talk about your personal life. In fact, that's the advice for ALL teachers. I'm not sure why my kid's gay language teacher insists on saying things like, "That was a gay thing to say." Sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Doubtful you will be accused of grooming anyone if you keep your personal life private. Again, that goes for all teachers, not just gay ones.

So, no teachers should ever mention their partners/spouses?

I cannot remember a time when a teacher mentioned or needed to mention their spouse. Good try on trying to push your agenda.

Are you kidding? Teachers reference their spouses ALL THE TIME. It’s totally normal, as it should be. THey are humans.

I can’t think of a single time any of my teachers or professors mentioned a spouse. My husband recalls this was very rare in his case. In any event, mentioning a spouse is fine. Still, teachers should keep their personal lives personal. That will limit any risk. Any male teacher needs to be especially careful. My husband taught for years and worked never to be alone with a student. He also had no cause to mention his personal life. If you truly want suggestions, these will help.

Sounds like our experiences were pretty different. I knew, generally, the marital status (and thus sexuality) of most of my teachers, at least in high school, based on passing things they said in class. It wasn’t a topic of deep discussion, and they weren’t sharing deep personal stories. They were just people living in the world, telling anecdotes to illustrate a point in class or even just making small talk.

The point is, they weren’t worried that referencing their spouse was going to get them accused of grooming children. That’s what OP and other teachers in some parts of the country are facing right now. And the idea that LGBTQ teachers will be fine and free of this sort of harassment and persecution if they just “keep their personal lives private” is absolute bad-faith BS.

NP and this was my experience too. I knew when teachers got engaged (they didn’t discuss wedding plans, but a woman teacher who started wearing an engagement ring got asked questions), when they were expecting babies - men would be excited and women would be pregnant - I met several teachers new babies adopted and bio.

It’s not realistic to expect teachers to say nothing personal ever. Teachers use personal anecdotes to connect to students, and when it’s done appropriately it’s helpful not harmful.

I know that my son had a gay math teacher one year, and this man could not have hidden his sexuality if he tried. He is beloved by the school community (he ran a “math club” after school and I’ve never seen a more popular after school club), and the kids know he is married, but I don’t think they’ve met his husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be to do your job and not talk about your personal life. In fact, that's the advice for ALL teachers. I'm not sure why my kid's gay language teacher insists on saying things like, "That was a gay thing to say." Sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Doubtful you will be accused of grooming anyone if you keep your personal life private. Again, that goes for all teachers, not just gay ones.

So just to be clear, their straight teachers must also never reference their husband or wife, have no personal photos in their classroom and not wear a wedding band, correct? Because, you know, “sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand.”

Just making sure we’re clear.

What does a wedding band have to do with sexual orientation? Nice reach.

Kids ask questions. When a teacher starts wearing a ring when they hadn’t before they’ll get asked questions.

This also means that teachers would never be allowed to have family at school functions - like plays or concerts - because it would give away something personal (marital status, sexuality, kids, etc). That seems unfair and unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be to do your job and not talk about your personal life. In fact, that's the advice for ALL teachers. I'm not sure why my kid's gay language teacher insists on saying things like, "That was a gay thing to say." Sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Doubtful you will be accused of grooming anyone if you keep your personal life private. Again, that goes for all teachers, not just gay ones.

So just to be clear, their straight teachers must also never reference their husband or wife, have no personal photos in their classroom and not wear a wedding band, correct? Because, you know, “sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand.”

Just making sure we’re clear.

What does a wedding band have to do with sexual orientation? Nice reach.

Kids ask questions. When a teacher starts wearing a ring when they hadn’t before they’ll get asked questions.

This also means that teachers would never be allowed to have family at school functions - like plays or concerts - because it would give away something personal (marital status, sexuality, kids, etc). That seems unfair and unrealistic.

So all teachers start out without a wedding ring and then later they have one? You’re really reaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be to do your job and not talk about your personal life. In fact, that's the advice for ALL teachers. I'm not sure why my kid's gay language teacher insists on saying things like, "That was a gay thing to say." Sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand. Doubtful you will be accused of grooming anyone if you keep your personal life private. Again, that goes for all teachers, not just gay ones.

So just to be clear, their straight teachers must also never reference their husband or wife, have no personal photos in their classroom and not wear a wedding band, correct? Because, you know, “sexuality has no place in the classroom because it is irrelevant to the task at hand.”

Just making sure we’re clear.

What does a wedding band have to do with sexual orientation? Nice reach.

Kids ask questions. When a teacher starts wearing a ring when they hadn’t before they’ll get asked questions.

This also means that teachers would never be allowed to have family at school functions - like plays or concerts - because it would give away something personal (marital status, sexuality, kids, etc). That seems unfair and unrealistic.

Seems to me like you are looking for a friend for your child, rather than a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. No.

I am a role model for my students. I'm openly out. I have three kids. I have been teaching for 17 years. I live for this job and the students.