Six-year-old said something racist today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your six y.o. is observant and notices that the world treats darker-skinned people worse than it treats light skinned people. Six is not too young to learn about racism. Talk to him about the fact that skin color doesn't change who you are, but people sometimes get treated differently because of it. Ask him whether he thinks this is right or wrong and why. Talk about your own values.

This. It is not “racist” for a child to pick up on colorism and privilege in our society and in manny around the world. By 6, he can pick up on the fact that people with darker skin are generally looked down upon while people with lighter skin have advantages. That doesn’t mean he looks down upon Black people himself. It means he has picked up on systemic racism. You can talk to him about that. Don’t pretend it doesn’t exist or scold him for noticing. Then talk to him about your values (presumably, that you want to build a better world than the one we have now).

OP here. Maybe. We've lived in very diverse places. In Miami, I was a minority. We read a few books about Martin Luther King Jr. I think maybe he connected the way black people were treated in the book. We live in a condominium now, and there are all kinds of people here—Black, white, brown, Muslims, news, Christians, and Hindus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

OP you need to have a serious talk with YOUR HUSBAND. In South Asia, colorism is big and real, he may not even noticed how he interacts with his dark skinned son versus the lighter baby or the comments he makes. It may all be still in his subconscious, but your husband and his family have been exposed to a deep, long seeded self hatred of dark skin. Your kid is just picking upon cues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

OP you need to have a serious talk with YOUR HUSBAND. In South Asia, colorism is big and real, he may not even noticed how he interacts with his dark skinned son versus the lighter baby or the comments he makes. It may all be still in his subconscious, but your husband and his family have been exposed to a deep, long seeded self hatred of dark skin. Your kid is just picking upon cues.

The other son is not dark at all. Maybe he notices we talk about his brother being white and feels left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

My (white) 6 year old recently told us that she didn't want a black doll because she didn't think her hair was pretty. I was horrified but my husband quickly stepped in and had a really fruitful conversation with her about differences in appearance, and how someones appearance doesn't impact how we treat them/talk about them. My daughter totally engaged with him and was honest, reflective and thoughtful. It made me realize that she is innocent and still learning, and the best strategy to challenge those prejudices, rather than shaming her.

[Anonymous]

It's not racist, he's learning. Make sure you buy him a lot of books with a lot of diverse characters. There are a lot of books now with South Asian characters - the Kamala and Maya book about the playground they made, Super Satya Saves the Day, Tomatoes for Neela, etc...

[Anonymous]

At age 5, DD says as we are driving home from preschool, "I don't like brown people." I nearly crashed the car, but pulled it together and calmly asked, "why would you say that, Larlo, Larla and Joey are brown and they are your friends?"

Her response was that "Ashley said..." I turned the car around and headed back to the preschool where I had a chat with the director while DD played on the playground. We talked about skin color at home, the Director addressed it at the preschool, and it was never an issue again.

Sometimes they are just parroting what they hear from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 6 y.o. is observant and notices that the world treats darker-skinned people worse than it treats light skinned people. Six is not too young to learn about racism. Talk to him about the fact that skin color doesn't change who you are, but people sometimes get treated differently because of it. Ask him whether he thinks this is right or wrong and why. Talk about your own values.

This. It is not “racist” for a child to pick up on colorism and privilege in our society and in manny around the world. By 6, he can pick up on the fact that people with darker skin are generally looked down upon while people with lighter skin have advantages. That doesn’t mean he looks down upon Black people himself. It means he has picked up on systemic racism. You can talk to him about that. Don’t pretend it doesn’t exist or scold him for noticing. Then talk to him about your values (presumably, that you want to build a better world than the one we have now).

×2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

OP you need to have a serious talk with YOUR HUSBAND. In South Asia, colorism is big and real, he may not even noticed how he interacts with his dark skinned son versus the lighter baby or the comments he makes. It may all be still in his subconscious, but your husband and his family have been exposed to a deep, long seeded self hatred of dark skin. Your kid is just picking upon cues.

The other son is not dark at all. Maybe he notices we talk about his brother being white and feels left out.

Yes. The racism is in the house, OP. I recommend the picture book Sulwe to start un-learning colorism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

OP you need to have a serious talk with YOUR HUSBAND. In South Asia, colorism is big and real, he may not even noticed how he interacts with his dark skinned son versus the lighter baby or the comments he makes. It may all be still in his subconscious, but your husband and his family have been exposed to a deep, long seeded self hatred of dark skin. Your kid is just picking upon cues.

Sorry this is BS. I am Indian and my kids are very white looking. You are allowed to make observations about what your baby looks like. Just because my "family" is from South Asia doesn't mean we're racist a$$holes.

-NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

OP you need to have a serious talk with YOUR HUSBAND. In South Asia, colorism is big and real, he may not even noticed how he interacts with his dark skinned son versus the lighter baby or the comments he makes. It may all be still in his subconscious, but your husband and his family have been exposed to a deep, long seeded self hatred of dark skin. Your kid is just picking upon cues.

The other son is not dark at all. Maybe he notices we talk about his brother being white and feels left out.

You think? Your 6 year old is not stupid; he can see that he's darker than the baby. Then mom and dad keep bringing up the baby being white, and 6 y/o says "good thing I'm not black," and you're confused?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

OP you need to have a serious talk with YOUR HUSBAND. In South Asia, colorism is big and real, he may not even noticed how he interacts with his dark skinned son versus the lighter baby or the comments he makes. It may all be still in his subconscious, but your husband and his family have been exposed to a deep, long seeded self hatred of dark skin. Your kid is just picking upon cues.

The other son is not dark at all. Maybe he notices we talk about his brother being white and feels left out.

You think? Your 6 year old is not stupid; he can see that he's darker than the baby. Then mom and dad keep bringing up the baby being white, and six y/o says, "good thing I'm not black," and you're confused?

He's slightly darker. My husband doesn't treat him differently. Sometimes someone is mixed, but it's not apparent. So do I tell him he should identify as brown when to the outside world, he looks white? I have told people my husband is Asian, and they flat out say he doesn't look Asian. I feel like if my kids tell people they're mixed, many people will say they don't look mixed. I think that's why my husband just wanted to consider them white. Compared to him, they look white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

Your poor child is suffering from all the racial indoctrination going around.

[Anonymous]

My white dd is 5.5 and she can't stop talking about skin color. Kindergarten has really done a number on her. She told my best friend (her godmother!) that she was glad that she (the godmother) could sit at the table with her because "now a days, people of all colors can sit together!" And on metro "is he sitting at the back because he's black?" I about died at that one, luckily no one heard it.

We've talked a lot about it at home because I get that she's just curious. I repeat a lot that we don't talk about other people, especially not in front of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

OP you need to have a serious talk with YOUR HUSBAND. In South Asia, colorism is big and real, he may not even noticed how he interacts with his dark skinned son versus the lighter baby or the comments he makes. It may all be still in his subconscious, but your husband and his family have been exposed to a deep, long seeded self hatred of dark skin. Your kid is just picking upon cues.

The other son is not dark at all. Maybe he notices we talk about his brother being white and feels left out.

You think? Your 6 year old is not stupid; he can see that he's darker than the baby. Then mom and dad keep bringing up the baby being white, and six y/o says, "good thing I'm not black," and you're confused?

He's slightly darker. My husband doesn't treat him differently. Sometimes someone is mixed, but it's not apparent. So do I tell him he should identify as brown when to the outside world, he looks white? I have told people my husband is Asian, and they flat out say he doesn't look Asian. I feel like if my kids tell people they're mixed, many people will say they don't look mixed. I think that's why my husband just wanted to consider them white. Compared to him, they look white.

Ehh I get it. DH and I are white and our kids are white. We talk a lot about skin tones too. My oldest is more olive toned like her grandma, my son is very very pink toned and burns nonstop. We have said that my son is a redder version of dh...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My white dd is 5.5 and she can't stop talking about skin color. Kindergarten has really done a number on her. She told my best friend (her godmother!) that she was glad that she (the godmother) could sit at the table with her because "now a days, people of all colors can sit together!" And on metro "is he sitting at the back because he's black?" I about died at that one, luckily no one heard it.

We've talked a lot about it at home because I get that she's just curious. I repeat a lot that we don't talk about other people, especially not in front of them.

She’s in K, you are complicating this. Just say “yes, can you believe we wouldn’t have been able to sit with Godmother Larla in a restaurant? How silly is that?”

Re: the man sitting in the back, same thing: “No, Larlina, now people can sit wherever they want. He is sitting back there because he wants to.”