Six-year-old said something racist today.

[Anonymous]

He said it's a good thing he's not black. His Dad is south Asian. He's medium brown. I am white. His dad does say the baby is like a white version of him, and he is. He looks like a copy of my husband except for the skin color. When our six-year-old said this, we asked him why he would say that. He immediately started crying. I explained that it was very offensive. He's exposed to different people at school and Saturday language school. I'm not sure if he mixed up with words/meanings. Right before he said that, he asked me what color he was. He asks this question a lot. His little brother has lighter skin. I tell him he's a mix of Mommy and Daddy, olive-toned. I don't know if we should be talking more or less about skin color. I want to bring up the topic again.

[Anonymous]

He is just processing concepts (like skin tone) but doesn't have the life long experience you have so don't expect him to be eloquent, measured and correct when he talks about it. Maybe talk appreciatively about the range of skin colors out there. Perhaps he overheard someone say the baby was light skinned in an approving tone and he hasn't heard anyone mention his skin tone? Kids can see racism that exists all over but we need to actively model anti-racism so they appreciate differences as positive.

[Anonymous]

I think you can bring up this comment with your son agree, but come at it from a place of curiosity and avoid having such a strong/negative reaction so you can use it as an opportunity to talk about the ways that people are different, including skin color and how differences make people unique and awesome.

[Anonymous]

Your 6 y.o. is observant and notices that the world treats darker-skinned people worse than it treats light skinned people. Six is not too young to learn about racism. Talk to him about the fact that skin color doesn't change who you are, but people sometimes get treated differently because of it. Ask him whether he thinks this is right or wrong and why. Talk about your own values.

[Anonymous]

Totally not racist, move on

[Anonymous]

Girl, what? Your poor six year old.

[Anonymous]

You are inferring adult meaning in something an innocent elementary schooler said. Treat the conversation like a non-judgey therapist would. "What makes you say that?" (NOT in an accusatory tone.) and he will open up.

[Anonymous]

Good grief. The world has gone mad. It’s not racist to be a six year old trying to understand this meaningless fascination we have with skin color. Where is he hearing about this? Your six year old is not being offensive for goodness sake. Just tell him we inherit traits from our parents. The end.

[Anonymous]

Trying to withhold judgement here, but OP you must have prepared yourself to raise biracial children???

Your son heard his dad, approvingly, say that the baby is a white version of himself. Your son knows he is not “white” and he’s attaching some feelings of being less than in the eyes of your husband because he’s brown. “At least he’s not black” or daddy might not love him at all. Little kids are big into understanding race. You’ve got your work cut out for you, so get busy. And don’t shame him again saying he’s being offensive in asking questions.

[Anonymous]

I agree, your son is picking up on racism and he’s worried about where he falls, where you fall, and where his brother falls. If you haven’t been reading/talking about racism and your own heritage, you need to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief. The world has gone mad. It’s not racist to be a six year old trying to understand this meaningless fascination we have with skin color. Where is he hearing about this? Your six year old is not being offensive for goodness sake. Just tell him we inherit traits from our parents. The end.

Yeah um that’s…not it. Please don’t minimize racism for your kid or claim it’s some kind of psychotic personal reaction to skin color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 6 y.o. is observant and notices that the world treats darker-skinned people worse than it treats light skinned people. Six is not too young to learn about racism. Talk to him about the fact that skin color doesn't change who you are, but people sometimes get treated differently because of it. Ask him whether he thinks this is right or wrong and why. Talk about your own values.

This. It is not “racist” for a child to pick up on colorism and privilege in our society and in manny around the world. By 6, he can pick up on the fact that people with darker skin are generally looked down upon while people with lighter skin have advantages. That doesn’t mean he looks down upon Black people himself. It means he has picked up on systemic racism. You can talk to him about that. Don’t pretend it doesn’t exist or scold him for noticing. Then talk to him about your values (presumably, that you want to build a better world than the one we have now).

[Anonymous]

Kids say the darndest things. Move on.

[Anonymous]

My child started talking about skin tones at the age of 4. What I tried to stress to her is that people are all different colors and that is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trying to withhold judgement here, but OP you must have prepared yourself to raise biracial children???

Your son heard his dad, approvingly, say that the baby is a white version of himself. Your son knows he is not “white” and he’s attaching some feelings of being less than in the eyes of your husband because he’s brown. “At least he’s not black” or daddy might not love him at all. Little kids are big into understanding race. You’ve got your work cut out for you, so get busy. And don’t shame him again saying he’s being offensive in asking questions.

Both kids can pass for white. We lived in a Latin majority city until recently. My husband has even told him he's white.