How to change this 18 lazy behavior

[Anonymous]

HE is the key word here. It’s a man thing.

[Anonymous]

It's quite normal, alas.
They do listen to their peers. They clean up if a friend says, "Gross, man." My daughter's college roommates wouldn't stand for her mess. So now she's neat.
Parents can punish--but can also reward. If he needs money, tell him he can earn X dollars if he cleans the garage. See what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17 year old son has positive traits but dear lord he is lazy!! School does great but at home, useless! We had to go tour nursing homes for my father who fell so it’s not fun day for my husband and I either. But left son /daughter at home. First daughter goes to mall across street and then figures out friends not leaving in time for her to get home for ride to school project. So we called son and asked him to quickly plz get her. 10 minutes round trip. He argues. But agrees. He has tutor in afternoon but basically home solo for 4 hours before that.
Then we get home snd the candles in kitchen still burning- he left gas fireplace he turned on on- socks and shoes strung on kitchen floor and dog got his socks- left his granola bar wrapper on living room table- all lights on and garage door open.
This is normal. What the heck can we do to change the behavior?
I am nagging and on him all the time- but how can we teach him responsibility and basic clean up.

Why is it his job to drive his sister who failed to plan properly?

YOu should have enforced him cleaning up after himself when he was 8, not 18.

+1

I agree with the 2nd sentence, but not the first. It’s not his “job” but if I as a parent tell you to go pick up your sibling you do it, point blank. And I’m assuming kid is driving a car mom and dad pay for.

And I’m assuming the youngest will have the same privilege, but won’t be forced to pick up someone else’s kid.

So what? I had to drive my younger sibling around throughout high school and of course he didn't have to do it when he was the same age. But that also meant he was the only child at home to do all the chores and other things that used to be split between the two of us. There's a big difference between expecting too much out of an older sibling and just expecting that everyone in the household contributes to the smooth running of the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17 year old son has positive traits but dear lord he is lazy!! School does great but at home, useless! We had to go tour nursing homes for my father who fell so it’s not fun day for my husband and I either. But left son /daughter at home. First daughter goes to mall across street and then figures out friends not leaving in time for her to get home for ride to school project. So we called son and asked him to quickly plz get her. 10 minutes round trip. He argues. But agrees. He has tutor in afternoon but basically home solo for 4 hours before that.
Then we get home snd the candles in kitchen still burning- he left gas fireplace he turned on on- socks and shoes strung on kitchen floor and dog got his socks- left his granola bar wrapper on living room table- all lights on and garage door open.
This is normal. What the heck can we do to change the behavior?
I am nagging and on him all the time- but how can we teach him responsibility and basic clean up.

Why is it his job to drive his sister who failed to plan properly?

YOu should have enforced him cleaning up after himself when he was 8, not 18.

+1

I agree with the 2nd sentence, but not the first. It’s not his “job” but if I as a parent tell you to go pick up your sibling you do it, point blank. And I’m assuming kid is driving a car mom and dad pay for.

And I’m assuming the youngest will have the same privilege, but won’t be forced to pick up someone else’s kid.

So what? I had to drive my younger sibling around throughout high school and of course he didn't have to do it when he was the same age. But that also meant he was the only child at home to do all the chores and other things that used to be split between the two of us. There's a big difference between expecting too much out of an older sibling and just expecting that everyone in the household contributes to the smooth running of the household.

They should contribute to what they use. Younger siblings use the house, older siblings are not allowed to use the younger ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s 17 you should have addressed these things when he was 3

Clearly, you haven't learned that you can do everything right and still not get the outcomes you strive for. I've got 3 kids - all teenagers who had the same rules and expectations when they were growing up. Two of the kids are great. The third is just like OP's DS and it's infuriating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s 17 you should have addressed these things when he was 3

Clearly, you haven't learned that you can do everything right and still not get the outcomes you strive for. I've got 3 kids - all teenagers who had the same rules and expectations when they were growing up. Two of the kids are great. The third is just like OP's DS and it's infuriating.

I agree. My almost 17 year was a good little boy, obedient, good listener, etc. Now it's all why?, why me?, or I have all day to do it?. Hugh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That kid is either using weed or has inattentive adhd I suspect.

I was the same way as a teen and young adult. I got away by "being cute" and having others do things for me.

I learned later in life I have Inattentive ADHD so I have developed coping techniques and push myself to do things.

I was luck I married a very organized, sporty and handy man who has helped me tremendously.

I don't have much of advise for OP, grounding/consequences only worked for a bit and then I was back to my "normal" self.

I always thought my family was just too uptight/strict. But it was me who couldn't keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s 17 you should have addressed these things when he was 3

Clearly, you haven't learned that you can do everything right and still not get the outcomes you strive for. I've got 3 kids - all teenagers who had the same rules and expectations when they were growing up. Two of the kids are great. The third is just like OP's DS and it's infuriating.

If he’s 18 kick him out and let him figure it out on his own

[Anonymous]

hahahah! Is he a HS senior? My HS senior is already in bed asleep. Yes, before 7 pm. Like a senior citizen. I get it though. She has seven seeks of high school left, knows where she's going to college, and is DONE. It's been a long, pressure-filled ride through HS. I do not think we adults appreciate the arms race applying to college has become.

Your son is on his way out the door. Perhaps not physically just yet, but in spirit he is GONE. Let him begin to go.