How to change this 18 lazy behavior

[Anonymous]

17 year old son has positive traits but dear lord he is lazy!! School does great but at home, useless! We had to go tour nursing homes for my father who fell so it’s not fun day for my husband and I either. But left son /daughter at home. First daughter goes to mall across street and then figures out friends not leaving in time for her to get home for ride to school project. So we called son and asked him to quickly plz get her. 10 minutes round trip. He argues. But agrees. He has tutor in afternoon but basically home solo for 4 hours before that.
Then we get home snd the candles in kitchen still burning- he left gas fireplace he turned on on- socks and shoes strung on kitchen floor and dog got his socks- left his granola bar wrapper on living room table- all lights on and garage door open.
This is normal. What the heck can we do to change the behavior?
I am nagging and on him all the time- but how can we teach him responsibility and basic clean up.

[Anonymous]

Have consequences. He does it because you allow it.

[Anonymous]

That kid is either using weed or has inattentive adhd I suspect.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a normal teenage boy to me.

[Anonymous]

Sounds normal to me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a normal teenage boy to me.

Yep. It’s amazing how the keep their Sh%@ together when they get to college.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to stop. He's still a minor. You are the parents. My 16 yr old son would not do this, because he was raised to take care of details. Turning things off, closing doors... those are details.

[Anonymous]

18 is an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP here- that was a typo- he is 17- but really doesn’t matter if 18. It’s not to me the age, it’s the fact that he lives under my roof. Part of living in a family is helping out snd learning how to do your part. Clean up after yourself, take care of the home and our property and your property. Do your part in the family. Everyone chips in. How else do you learn how to be a partner, spouse , husband, dad employee, etc.

.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17 year old son has positive traits but dear lord he is lazy!! School does great but at home, useless! We had to go tour nursing homes for my father who fell so it’s not fun day for my husband and I either. But left son /daughter at home. First daughter goes to mall across street and then figures out friends not leaving in time for her to get home for ride to school project. So we called son and asked him to quickly plz get her. 10 minutes round trip. He argues. But agrees. He has tutor in afternoon but basically home solo for 4 hours before that.
Then we get home snd the candles in kitchen still burning- he left gas fireplace he turned on on- socks and shoes strung on kitchen floor and dog got his socks- left his granola bar wrapper on living room table- all lights on and garage door open.
This is normal. What the heck can we do to change the behavior?
I am nagging and on him all the time- but how can we teach him responsibility and basic clean up.

Why is it his job to drive his sister who failed to plan properly?

YOu should have enforced him cleaning up after himself when he was 8, not 18.

[Anonymous]

Give him fair warning. Any belongings left in the public spaces will be thrown away (and do it). Do not allow him to touch anything with a flame when you are not home. Full stop. My favorite phase, “When you act like a 3 year old, I will treat you that way.” Forgets to close the garage = loses car privileges for a period of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17 year old son has positive traits but dear lord he is lazy!! School does great but at home, useless! We had to go tour nursing homes for my father who fell so it’s not fun day for my husband and I either. But left son /daughter at home. First daughter goes to mall across street and then figures out friends not leaving in time for her to get home for ride to school project. So we called son and asked him to quickly plz get her. 10 minutes round trip. He argues. But agrees. He has tutor in afternoon but basically home solo for 4 hours before that.
Then we get home snd the candles in kitchen still burning- he left gas fireplace he turned on on- socks and shoes strung on kitchen floor and dog got his socks- left his granola bar wrapper on living room table- all lights on and garage door open.
This is normal. What the heck can we do to change the behavior?
I am nagging and on him all the time- but how can we teach him responsibility and basic clean up.

Why is it his job to drive his sister who failed to plan properly?

YOu should have enforced him cleaning up after himself when he was 8, not 18.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17 year old son has positive traits but dear lord he is lazy!! School does great but at home, useless! We had to go tour nursing homes for my father who fell so it’s not fun day for my husband and I either. But left son /daughter at home. First daughter goes to mall across street and then figures out friends not leaving in time for her to get home for ride to school project. So we called son and asked him to quickly plz get her. 10 minutes round trip. He argues. But agrees. He has tutor in afternoon but basically home solo for 4 hours before that.
Then we get home snd the candles in kitchen still burning- he left gas fireplace he turned on on- socks and shoes strung on kitchen floor and dog got his socks- left his granola bar wrapper on living room table- all lights on and garage door open.
This is normal. What the heck can we do to change the behavior?
I am nagging and on him all the time- but how can we teach him responsibility and basic clean up.

Why is it his job to drive his sister who failed to plan properly?

YOu should have enforced him cleaning up after himself when he was 8, not 18.

+1

I agree with the 2nd sentence, but not the first. It’s not his “job” but if I as a parent tell you to go pick up your sibling you do it, point blank. And I’m assuming kid is driving a car mom and dad pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17 year old son has positive traits but dear lord he is lazy!! School does great but at home, useless! We had to go tour nursing homes for my father who fell so it’s not fun day for my husband and I either. But left son /daughter at home. First daughter goes to mall across street and then figures out friends not leaving in time for her to get home for ride to school project. So we called son and asked him to quickly plz get her. 10 minutes round trip. He argues. But agrees. He has tutor in afternoon but basically home solo for 4 hours before that.
Then we get home snd the candles in kitchen still burning- he left gas fireplace he turned on on- socks and shoes strung on kitchen floor and dog got his socks- left his granola bar wrapper on living room table- all lights on and garage door open.
This is normal. What the heck can we do to change the behavior?
I am nagging and on him all the time- but how can we teach him responsibility and basic clean up.

Why is it his job to drive his sister who failed to plan properly?

YOu should have enforced him cleaning up after himself when he was 8, not 18.

+1

I agree with the 2nd sentence, but not the first. It’s not his “job” but if I as a parent tell you to go pick up your sibling you do it, point blank. And I’m assuming kid is driving a car mom and dad pay for.

And I’m assuming the youngest will have the same privilege, but won’t be forced to pick up someone else’s kid.

[Anonymous]

He’s 17 you should have addressed these things when he was 3