Change My View: Romantic Love isn't real

[Anonymous]

Gosh i don't know, I have "romantic" feelings for many people.

They're not superficial or at least not only superficial, these are wonderful people I appreciate having in my life.

Obviously I don't act on them since I'm very happily married and continue to have romantic feelings as well as muture love for DH.

But to the PPs point, the early infatuation stage always fizzled out. I think the research shows it lasts something like 18-24 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I view romantic love as a combination of biological chemicals and societal expectations that make a rich man and a young woman, come together, get married and procreate to create a family unit.

We all fall in love multiple times in our lives and there is nothing special about one couple vs another.

There is not such thing as sole mates or true love or meant to be etc etc

It exists but doesn’t last. What lasts is friendship and loyalty.

[Anonymous]

My aunt found crazy, romantic love for the first time at age 63. Long past the child producing stage of life. Her husband died 3 years later and she crazy loved him til the day she died.

[Anonymous]

why should anyone work to change your view, you sound like a major buzzkill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt found crazy, romantic love for the first time at age 63. Long past the child producing stage of life. Her husband died 3 years later and she crazy loved him til the day she died.

3 years. She was barely out of the infatuation phase. It would have been different if she had been with him 25 years, the intensity that is.

[Anonymous]

IF you are living and raising a family day in and day out for 50 years, the intensity of that lust-like, crazed addiction feeling of the first few years will tamper down. Even those that fell 'romantically in love' will have fights over laundry or kids or household chores. Ain't nothing romantic about the nitty gritty of daily living and working. But, hopefully there is a trust and deeper connection that builds over time and sustains the connection. Periods of intensity will come and go over the years. It needs to be stoked. The 'idea' of romantic love is always filled with drama of not being able to be fulfilled or together--but those are people not living real life together. It's escapism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IF you are living and raising a family day in and day out for 50 years, the intensity of that lust-like, crazed addiction feeling of the first few years will tamper down. Even those that fell 'romantically in love' will have fights over laundry or kids or household chores. Ain't nothing romantic about the nitty gritty of daily living and working. But, hopefully there is a trust and deeper connection that builds over time and sustains the connection. Periods of intensity will come and go over the years. It needs to be stoked. The 'idea' of romantic love is always filled with drama of not being able to be fulfilled or together--but those are people not living real life together. It's escapism.

Bingo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I view romantic love as a combination of biological chemicals and societal expectations that make a rich man and a young woman, come together, get married and procreate to create a family unit.

We all fall in love multiple times in our lives and there is nothing special about one couple vs another.

There is not such thing as sole mates or true love or meant to be etc etc

Not going to change your view because "rich man and a young woman" is thinly veiled prostitution, not love. You will never experience romantic love, because you aren't good for anything a bank account isn't. Men with higher esteem, broader worth will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IF you are living and raising a family day in and day out for 50 years, the intensity of that lust-like, crazed addiction feeling of the first few years will tamper down. Even those that fell 'romantically in love' will have fights over laundry or kids or household chores. Ain't nothing romantic about the nitty gritty of daily living and working. But, hopefully there is a trust and deeper connection that builds over time and sustains the connection. Periods of intensity will come and go over the years. It needs to be stoked. The 'idea' of romantic love is always filled with drama of not being able to be fulfilled or together--but those are people not living real life together. It's escapism.

Bingo

And messed up people go chasing that 'new relationship energy' that is fleeting because they have no idea what 'real love' is. As soon as their crotch dies down a bit, they are out chasing new D or V.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I view romantic love as a combination of biological chemicals and societal expectations that make a rich man and a young woman, come together, get married and procreate to create a family unit.

We all fall in love multiple times in our lives and there is nothing special about one couple vs another.

There is not such thing as sole mates or true love or meant to be etc etc

Poors fall in love, too!

[Anonymous]

i think you have a bizarre non-real view of "romantic love".

People can have intense chemistry - emotional and sexual, adore each other, perfectly complement each other, connect in a way they've never connected with any other person..... lots of different ways people can be very in love for many years in a marriage. But i have no idea what any of that has to do with "a rich man and a young woman".

Are you 12?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IF you are living and raising a family day in and day out for 50 years, the intensity of that lust-like, crazed addiction feeling of the first few years will tamper down. Even those that fell 'romantically in love' will have fights over laundry or kids or household chores. Ain't nothing romantic about the nitty gritty of daily living and working. But, hopefully there is a trust and deeper connection that builds over time and sustains the connection. Periods of intensity will come and go over the years. It needs to be stoked. The 'idea' of romantic love is always filled with drama of not being able to be fulfilled or together--but those are people not living real life together. It's escapism.

Bingo

And messed up people go chasing that 'new relationship energy' that is fleeting because they have no idea what 'real love' is. As soon as their crotch dies down a bit, they are out chasing new D or V.

It's escapism as you said. We're all human. As long as it ends at fantasy, it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I view romantic love as a combination of biological chemicals and societal expectations that make a rich man and a young woman, come together, get married and procreate to create a family unit.

We all fall in love multiple times in our lives and there is nothing special about one couple vs another.

There is not such thing as sole mates or true love or meant to be etc etc

Big emphasis on social expectations. Without those, that chemical feeling would catch you on fire with different people throughout your life. We have an expectation that it should be ONE person, that it’s extremely rare and special, will lead to marriage and children etc. If you took away those mental expectations this whole thing would look very different. Because the reality — if you’re honest — those feelings in their most pure form fade quickly and you are left with two imperfect people who usually have major personality differences, childhood wounds that were never resolved, lack of self awareness and communication skills, and other emotional issues. This is why half of marriages end in divorce and the other half struggle on through some quite dark periods. I think busting the expectations and taking a realistic look at what marriage entails is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I view romantic love as a combination of biological chemicals and societal expectations that make a rich man and a young woman, come together, get married and procreate to create a family unit.

We all fall in love multiple times in our lives and there is nothing special about one couple vs another.

There is not such thing as sole mates or true love or meant to be etc etc

To me, a soulmate is someone you learn to go through life with in a worthwhile way. It’s not destiny, it’s effort and time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I view romantic love as a combination of biological chemicals and societal expectations that make a rich man and a young woman, come together, get married and procreate to create a family unit.

We all fall in love multiple times in our lives and there is nothing special about one couple vs another.

There is not such thing as sole mates or true love or meant to be etc etc

Your view is just that - YOUR VIEW. Why ask people to change it? People like you....are self centered and narcissistic. You want focus on you.