How did your "spirited child" turn out as a teen?

[Anonymous]

That booked was such a relief to me years ago. My now 16 year old was such a hard baby, toddler, preschooler. He is very sweet now, well behaved, doing well in school, but has independent thoughts and is very decisive. I never expected him to be so easy at this age. Also he barely slept or ate until 3 years old, and now is a normal teenager in both regards. 6'2". I wish I had had more optimism back then. He had me in tears most days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Things got so much worse until medication controlled the manic phase which was no easy task.

Thank you for this too. There is mental illness on one side of the family, so this is one of my fears. She has so many BIG feelings. At what age did you realize this might be the case?

“Big feelings” sounds like ADHD.

How so? There are cases when I think ADHD is overdiagnosed or under diagnosed or a catch all for something else. I've read a lot about it but still thoroughly confused.

There are various forms of ADHD, but emotional dysregulation is a symptoms for many people.

https://www.additudemag.com/emotional-dysregulation-adhd-video/amp/
https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-is-spectrum-disorder/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Things got so much worse until medication controlled the manic phase which was no easy task.

Thank you for this too. There is mental illness on one side of the family, so this is one of my fears. She has so many BIG feelings. At what age did you realize this might be the case?

“Big feelings” sounds like ADHD.

How so? There are cases when I think ADHD is overdiagnosed or under diagnosed or a catch all for something else. I've read a lot about it but still thoroughly confused.

No but hyperactive adhd kids can be impulsive so they might blurt things out that other kids wouldn’t which can seem like “big feelings” I think (and of course adhd is often comorbid with other disorders that could seem like “big feelings.”

My inattentive adhd definitely doesn’t fit that description but does fit the absent minded professor/space cadet stereotype.

+1 - I often described my kid as having Big Feelings. We were anti-meds and thought we could just handle it ourselves with changes in parenting styles but it didn't really get much better. They were diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder after a complete neuropsychic at age 10 and at age 13 got diagnosed with ADHD. ADHD and GAD often don't get diagnosed in girls because it presents differently.
They started Zoloft around 12 and it had made a big difference. We added Adderall a few months ago and the impulsive behaviors have mostly stopped, or at least decreased to a normal teenager level. They still have ups and downs but they don't get so worked up that they can't regain control.
I also would recommend trying a different counselor. We found a LCSW that focused on teaching coping mechanism for the anxiety. I told my child that they were going to learn ways to control their emotions and they were onboard. I think if I had just said "therapy" they wouldn't have been so keen.
They are in a talented and gifted program and have a 3.8 GPA. They got into a highly rated high school and are babysitting and doing some other odd jobs around town.
It gets better but don't close you mind to meds. In hindsight, I wish we had gotten the diagnosis and started meds earlier.

[Anonymous]

Mine is a tween, and things have been much better since she turned oh, about 8 or so. She is still intense and sensitive, but her emotional regulation is very good for her age. We still have our moments, but overall, she is more cooperative than not. She is still highly opinionated, but it is much easier to logic her into thinking differently. She is a good student, a good friend, and is caring and kind. A much more chill kid than I thought I would ever have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Things got so much worse until medication controlled the manic phase which was no easy task.

Thank you for this too. There is mental illness on one side of the family, so this is one of my fears. She has so many BIG feelings. At what age did you realize this might be the case?

“Big feelings” sounds like ADHD.

How so? There are cases when I think ADHD is overdiagnosed or under diagnosed or a catch all for something else. I've read a lot about it but still thoroughly confused.

No but hyperactive adhd kids can be impulsive so they might blurt things out that other kids wouldn’t which can seem like “big feelings” I think (and of course adhd is often comorbid with other disorders that could seem like “big feelings.”

My inattentive adhd definitely doesn’t fit that description but does fit the absent minded professor/space cadet stereotype.

+1 - I often described my kid as having Big Feelings. We were anti-meds and thought we could just handle it ourselves with changes in parenting styles but it didn't really get much better. They were diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder after a complete neuropsychic at age 10 and at age 13 got diagnosed with ADHD. ADHD and GAD often don't get diagnosed in girls because it presents differently.
They started Zoloft around 12 and it had made a big difference. We added Adderall a few months ago and the impulsive behaviors have mostly stopped, or at least decreased to a normal teenager level. They still have ups and downs but they don't get so worked up that they can't regain control.
I also would recommend trying a different counselor. We found a LCSW that focused on teaching coping mechanism for the anxiety. I told my child that they were going to learn ways to control their emotions and they were onboard. I think if I had just said "therapy" they wouldn't have been so keen.
They are in a talented and gifted program and have a 3.8 GPA. They got into a highly rated high school and are babysitting and doing some other odd jobs around town.
It gets better but don't close you mind to meds. In hindsight, I wish we had gotten the diagnosis and started meds earlier.

Yup. Meds and therapy can really help a lot with regulation.

[Anonymous]

We're still figuring it out. Our 19 year old was diagnosed with ADHD at age 10 and is currently working part time as a car mechanic. He is working with a coach and therapist to figure out his next steps after washing out of community college.

[Anonymous]

Mine had a very difficult elementary school experience. Looking back it was mostly two things, ADHD and an elementary school who had clearly labeled him the “bad kid.” Even by about fifth grade he had started to mature but he was always being sent to the principals office and she was a huge piece of work.

He has never had an issue in middle school or high school. Is now a junior and gets good grades, is looking at colleges. Sometimes you also have to find the right fit.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by spirited? Only asking because this seems very vague. I had a DD I described as spirited when young, but reading some other posters, she doesn’t sound much like their idea of spirited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Things got so much worse until medication controlled the manic phase which was no easy task.

Thank you for this too. There is mental illness on one side of the family, so this is one of my fears. She has so many BIG feelings. At what age did you realize this might be the case?

“Big feelings” sounds like ADHD.

+1

Poor emotional regulation can be a huge part of ADHD (though not always). I never realized this until DD started medication for hyperactivity. Her emotional control is so.much.better on the meds. It’s like her true personality is finally able to shine through now that all the excess “noise” has been removed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by spirited? Only asking because this seems very vague. I had a DD I described as spirited when young, but reading some other posters, she doesn’t sound much like their idea of spirited.

It isn't a diagnosis. It's a theory where kids "feel more." They have big feelings and big behaviors. I'm the PP whose child was actually depressed/suicidal/anxious. His child psychologist told us to throw out the book "Raising Your Spirited Child". In our case a serious diagnosis was being swept under the rug by his councilor - she was all about that book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by spirited? Only asking because this seems very vague. I had a DD I described as spirited when young, but reading some other posters, she doesn’t sound much like their idea of spirited.

It isn't a diagnosis. It's a theory where kids "feel more." They have big feelings and big behaviors. I'm the PP whose child was actually depressed/suicidal/anxious. His child psychologist told us to throw out the book "Raising Your Spirited Child". In our case a serious diagnosis was being swept under the rug by his councilor - she was all about that book.

Op here and this is where I struggle with it. The book makes so much sense to me. But I know that reactions to it range from "your kid is an a-hole" to "your kid needs meds". I know we could shop around for a diagnosis or we can keep just trying to control what we can.ADHD or anxiety isn't a black and white diagnosis so I know we are in gray territory. I believe that meds can be life changing and wonderful for some and that some are medicated in an attempt to just control behavior. I feel like either choice for us is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by spirited? Only asking because this seems very vague. I had a DD I described as spirited when young, but reading some other posters, she doesn’t sound much like their idea of spirited.

It isn't a diagnosis. It's a theory where kids "feel more." They have big feelings and big behaviors. I'm the PP whose child was actually depressed/suicidal/anxious. His child psychologist told us to throw out the book "Raising Your Spirited Child". In our case a serious diagnosis was being swept under the rug by his councilor - she was all about that book.

Op here and this is where I struggle with it. The book makes so much sense to me. But I know that reactions to it range from "your kid is an a-hole" to "your kid needs meds". I know we could shop around for a diagnosis or we can keep just trying to control what we can.ADHD or anxiety isn't a black and white diagnosis so I know we are in gray territory. I believe that meds can be life changing and wonderful for some and that some are medicated in an attempt to just control behavior. I feel like either choice for us is wrong.

You can start with therapy for techniques to regulate “big feelings”.

If the “big feelings” aren’t negatively impacting your kid/family then medication may not be warranted. Many kids do learn to better regulate with time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by spirited? Only asking because this seems very vague. I had a DD I described as spirited when young, but reading some other posters, she doesn’t sound much like their idea of spirited.

It isn't a diagnosis. It's a theory where kids "feel more." They have big feelings and big behaviors. I'm the PP whose child was actually depressed/suicidal/anxious. His child psychologist told us to throw out the book "Raising Your Spirited Child". In our case a serious diagnosis was being swept under the rug by his councilor - she was all about that book.

Op here and this is where I struggle with it. The book makes so much sense to me. But I know that reactions to it range from "your kid is an a-hole" to "your kid needs meds". I know we could shop around for a diagnosis or we can keep just trying to control what we can.ADHD or anxiety isn't a black and white diagnosis so I know we are in gray territory. I believe that meds can be life changing and wonderful for some and that some are medicated in an attempt to just control behavior. I feel like either choice for us is wrong.

I'm one of the PP with a teen now doing really well - the chill 15 year old boy. He does have anxiety, and had a really challenging 5th grade year with a bad teacher and he had terrible insomnia. We got him into CBT and he learned a bunch of tools that have served him well. He hasn't needed any mental health treatment since, but we've talked a lot about how know he knows that mental health is just health, and when he needs it it can go back. I do think my son's tantrums and difficulties as a toddler and preschooler were probably anxiety. That is just how he is wired. Getting old enough to use your brain and behavior to control your emotions helps incredibly. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by spirited? Only asking because this seems very vague. I had a DD I described as spirited when young, but reading some other posters, she doesn’t sound much like their idea of spirited.

It isn't a diagnosis. It's a theory where kids "feel more." They have big feelings and big behaviors. I'm the PP whose child was actually depressed/suicidal/anxious. His child psychologist told us to throw out the book "Raising Your Spirited Child". In our case a serious diagnosis was being swept under the rug by his councilor - she was all about that book.

Op here and this is where I struggle with it. The book makes so much sense to me. But I know that reactions to it range from "your kid is an a-hole" to "your kid needs meds". I know we could shop around for a diagnosis or we can keep just trying to control what we can.ADHD or anxiety isn't a black and white diagnosis so I know we are in gray territory. I believe that meds can be life changing and wonderful for some and that some are medicated in an attempt to just control behavior. I feel like either choice for us is wrong.

Pp here.

Keep working. Spirited was a dangerous approach - for us.

Are you working with a therapist of any kind? We learned so much as parents from ds's child psychologist. Ds needed US to be in control. When he was all over the place we needed to be calm, firm and consistent. He needed clear boundaries, expectations and consequences. Temper tantrums = immediate loss of a privilege. We almost canceled a trip to Disney. "Stop screaming now, or we'll cancel our trip." He knew we would. His efforts to calm himself started instantly, so he was capable of it.

Our big mistake was allowing him to stop counseling at 13.

[Anonymous]

14 year old with generalized anxiety, mostly managed with therapy. It's a roller coaster, but she's an amazing kid.