How did your "spirited child" turn out as a teen?

[Anonymous]

Thanks - yes, we tried therapy. She was all about it and actually excited about it. But then she didn't like it and shut down. So we are taking a break but using the strategies I was able to get from it which helps a bit.

We have Kaiser, which is limiting, and I don't think the style was the right fit. I've had other moms tell me about more play based type sessions, and this was on zoom, just talking. So I want to find something different before we start up again. I think she felt like she was in trouble, talking about things that went right and wrong during the week. She's 8 and doesn't really want to play the long game - she wants solutions to help her manage her feelings NOW rather than just talking about incidents and feelings.

[Anonymous]

Yes, therapy can be tough for younger kids.

Meds could help with regulation until she’s older and more open to therapy and learning techniques. Something to consider if you’re miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, therapy can be tough for younger kids.

Meds could help with regulation until she’s older and more open to therapy and learning techniques. Something to consider if you’re miserable.

DP. It can be tough. We tried it for DS when he was younger and we never found a good fit. I think that’s part of the reason we always made sure he was so active. The sports and physical activity had a huge calming effect and helped him regulate the rest of his day. I’m not talking 30 min of exercise, but intensive long amounts. There is such a difference in him when he’s in off season and not training as hard. This doesn’t work for everyone and I know he can’t or likely won’t keep up exercise like this forever. It worries me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, therapy can be tough for younger kids.

Meds could help with regulation until she’s older and more open to therapy and learning techniques. Something to consider if you’re miserable.

DP. It can be tough. We tried it for DS when he was younger and we never found a good fit. I think that’s part of the reason we always made sure he was so active. The sports and physical activity had a huge calming effect and helped him regulate the rest of his day. I’m not talking 30 min of exercise, but intensive long amounts. There is such a difference in him when he’s in off season and not training as hard. This doesn’t work for everyone and I know he can’t or likely won’t keep up exercise like this forever. It worries me.

Yes, intense exercise can help a lot too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, therapy can be tough for younger kids.

Meds could help with regulation until she’s older and more open to therapy and learning techniques. Something to consider if you’re miserable.

DP. It can be tough. We tried it for DS when he was younger and we never found a good fit. I think that’s part of the reason we always made sure he was so active. The sports and physical activity had a huge calming effect and helped him regulate the rest of his day. I’m not talking 30 min of exercise, but intensive long amounts. There is such a difference in him when he’s in off season and not training as hard. This doesn’t work for everyone and I know he can’t or likely won’t keep up exercise like this forever. It worries me.

Yes, exercise helps but it's hard. We signed DD up for lacrosse. She loves it but now has decided she wants to play goalie. Ugh!

[Anonymous]

My spirited, high-intensity son was challenging to parent until about 6th or 7th grade. He was diagnosed early with GAD and ADHD. While medication and a wonderful psychiatrist helped, it seems like he really turned the corner this year in 9th grade. I've done a lot of coaching with him over the years about choosing his thoughts and actions as a way to control his emotions. I also model it all the time, and I can now see my son walk him through the process when he has a big emotion..."I got angry because I kept thinking about X. I know that thinking about X doesn't help me. So I'm going to choose to think about Y, which helps me feel calmer." It's taken year of meds, modeling and lots of maturity, but I'm really proud of the young man he's grown into.

[Anonymous]

For my girl, ages 9 to 13 were really rough. Expectations for social conformity increased and what was previously bossiness/stubbornness turned into wildly unpredictable anxiety attacks in which she would become wholly irrational and lash out. By 8th grade, the hormones had leveled out and I think she found her new place in the world. She still gets wound up and can be too intense for some but it’s at least directed towards actual things now, not just intensity towards no end.
I agree with you that therapy that isn’t working isn’t worth it. What would probably be most helpful is CBT in-person. There are some online books and workbooks that may help (like What to do when you worry too much, or my mouth is a volcano, etc.)

For my male child, the worst years were 4-6 or so when he was just in non stop destructive motion, and now at 13 we are back in the muck again. I’m a hoping it evens out by 8th or at least 9th grade or I will not survive.

[Anonymous]

Follow up question, as I'm learning how to talk to her and talk her through things, older big brother needles her the way brothers do. It's not over the top but because she's really sensitive and can be set off quickly, it's a problem. Did you get siblings in on therapy or any reading or how did you guide them to not exacerbate a situation? He's 11 and already toned it down quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Follow up question, as I'm learning how to talk to her and talk her through things, older big brother needles her the way brothers do. It's not over the top but because she's really sensitive and can be set off quickly, it's a problem. Did you get siblings in on therapy or any reading or how did you guide them to not exacerbate a situation? He's 11 and already toned it down quite a bit.

You could explain and have him do some reading. In the mean time, stiff consequences for pushing her beyond what she can handle. What would you do if he picked on a sibling with say.. a physical challenge?