Summer vacation sticky situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many places you can vacation. Believe it or not, it doesn't have to be "the cape."

Yes go someplace else!

We're looking for drive-able locations from NY, so Hilton Head seemed out of reach. I would welcome other ideas!

Avalon

[Anonymous]

i think having your own place near MiLs sounds ideal. But maybe your dh knows something about how she would react that you don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire is pretty.

[Anonymous]

Why are you planning a vacation in a location that you know will cause drama? It sounds like you're intentionally trying to be mean to your MIL. Go to the Hamptons or go further up the coast to Maine. Why do you specifically have to go to Chatham? Even your reasoning sounds lame that you have a hard year coming up. Try to be kind, OP, and remember that what goes around comes around.

[Anonymous]

The hotel sounds ideal to me, but I don’t consider staying with family in cramped conditions a vacation. I’d go and encourage MIL to spend some of the time you are there in her cape condo to spend time with your family. Are the two close together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH's MIL lives in Massachusetts. She has a small year-round condo on Cape Cod and a small summer cottage on a lake in Central Massachusetts, where she spends summers. Neither place is large -- when we stay at either place (3 kids under 8), we pile into one small guest room. Context: This is not a family of planners or direct communicators.

We are trying to plan for a vacation week in July. I found a beautiful resort on the Cape where I'd love to go. For context, I have had a bonkers year at work and this will be my first vacation in over a year.

DH says we can't go there because it will be awkward for my MIL and hurtful for us to stay at a resort but not with her. When I pointed out she'd probably be at her lake cottage two hours away (where there is no room for us), DH says that she would feel compelled to travel home to the Cape to see us, yet we wouldn't be staying with her, so it would feel insulting. He said, how would you feel if our own adult kids vacationed near us but not with us?

I told DH that his MIL is welcome to visit us every day at the resort. It has a pool and a private beach (her condo has neither). I then said we could cut our time at the resort short and stay at her home, if she would like, but he would need to confirm the dates with her. I said she could spend as much time as she likes with us during that week. He said the Cape is too traffic-y and it's impractical.

I am beginning to feel like I am planning our first vacation in more than a year around possible hurt feelings and my in-law's travel needs.

We now live in NY. We have invited her to spend weekends with us a lot and she comes when is convenient. I now feel like my DH is trying to make our trip inconvenient to spare her feelings instead of doing what is convenient for *our* family: pool, beach, larger room. I get that he feels guilty, but he shouldn't, if we invite her to spend as much time as she wants with us and if we even shoehorn a visit to her home into our week away. I said she is a grown woman who can choose to see us or not.

Am I being completely crazy? Should we avoid heading to the Cape entirely bc my MIL has a home there but won't be there unless we go there....?

Guh.

Wouldn't your husband's mother in law be YOUR mother? Or was he a widower when he met you and this is his previous wife's mother?

Also...drive every day to visit us...OP wants her to drive four hours a day for the pleasure of visiting with OP and her husband. Yikes.

Posts like this always seem troll-ish to me. Someone is swimming in insecurity and inadequacies so here they are on DCUM trying to drum up sympathy and validation with weird threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many places you can vacation. Believe it or not, it doesn't have to be "the cape."

NP here. I get it OP. I have been to those resorts and they are quite nice - so fun!! But, I don't take vacation advice from someone who has not been to the destination I am asking about, so there is that.

I like your idea of having your MIL visit you at the resort. No way in hell would I drive all the way south for any beach, when you have so many options up north, and the Cape resorts are so nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you planning a vacation in a location that you know will cause drama? It sounds like you're intentionally trying to be mean to your MIL. Go to the Hamptons or go further up the coast to Maine. Why do you specifically have to go to Chatham? Even your reasoning sounds lame that you have a hard year coming up. Try to be kind, OP, and remember that what goes around comes around.

I'm confused where the Chatham thing is coming from, as the hard year coming up - neither detail of which is in the post.

[Anonymous]

Your problem is not your MIL but rather your husband. You are planning a vacation that does't suit him and that won't work because he is an adult also going on the vacation.

If I were you, I'd back up and start over with planning. The first step is have a conversation with him about what you both want out of this vacation and then, one you have some sort of agreement, start looking together for locations that meet that criteria.

[Anonymous]

OP, "near" her is not 2 hours away. Sorry but you can not vacation where she would normally be, during other months of the year but not that particular month. Very bad look for you.

But there is no reason, at all, you ever have to stay with her -- no matter where that is. No matter what the accommodation. You are entitled to a preference for any reason. You do not have to justify that to her (but may have to to your DH) Hotel or any place. You do not owe her a stay at her place.

[Anonymous]

I understand both of you. My parents retired to FL and if we went anywhere in the state and didn’t see them it would cause drama. DH doesn’t understand but goes with it when I find other places for vacation. I prefer to stay in our own place too.

I grew up in NY and along with the other suggestions already mentioned, we sometimes drove to Wildwood, NJ. My sister still likes to drive there with her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just go to a totally different location? Sounds like you have been to the cape many times with MIL. Why not go somewhere else and then you won’t have the conflict.

+1

There are a million places where you can have a resort vacation. Pick a different one.

[Anonymous]

I purposely never plan trips to the cape because my mil lives in Boston. It would require us to see her or she would join us.

Just pick a vacation not at the cape. This seems like a really simple solution.

We live in dc now but my family lives in NY. I feel guilty and obligated to always go to their house when I visit no matter how inconvenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you planning a vacation in a location that you know will cause drama? It sounds like you're intentionally trying to be mean to your MIL. Go to the Hamptons or go further up the coast to Maine. Why do you specifically have to go to Chatham? Even your reasoning sounds lame that you have a hard year coming up. Try to be kind, OP, and remember that what goes around comes around.

I'm confused where the Chatham thing is coming from, as the hard year coming up - neither detail of which is in the post.

??? There aren't many "resorts" on the Cape. Chatham is the only place that has bona fide resort.

[Anonymous]

Pick another location.

I pulled something similar with my parents. They spend the winters in Florida and I wanted to go to Florida for a weekend getaway I just didn't want to stay with them (uncomfortable bed and too much fox news). They were hurt and I still feel a little bad about it. Although we stayed at a fabulous resort and they did come visit us there I know they were sad about it. I don't know if I will do it again. Its easier to either visit them or pick a totally unrelated location.