Girlfriend is very messy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lies. Most men do not clean and are not neat.

Not true. I'm married to a super neat guy. I'm not super messy, but way messier than him. And our son is also super neat.

This^. My sister is really messy and her spouse is Mr. clean but she is a high earner so they employ a cleaner and he handles the rest. To be fair, she has gotten better in his company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lies. Most men do not clean and are not neat.

Why do you assume the OP is a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How messy? Are we talking clothes everywhere or dirty dishes?

OP here. I’ve been to her place twice and both times it was messy. I understand a little mess because that happens, but her kitchen was filled with dirt dishes and left out food, her living room had cups and dishes left out on the table, and her bedroom, had clothes all on the floor, and the bathroom had makeup and other stuff and towels thrown everywhere.

My place isn’t always super neat but I do make it a habit to put food away and my dishes in the dishwasher. I do a little reset every night by cleaning up the main spaces and putting things back where they go. I have a housekeeper that deep cleans my place every two weeks but I attest try to keep it clean.

Major red flag. I know some very high achieving women whose houses and/or cars are surprisingly junky and dirty*. It starts in the teen years and gets worse over time IMO. I had a colleague in her 60s who by that time was literally swimming in her own junk. An orderly space is reflective of a well-ordered mind and life.

*To be fair, I know many men with junky and gross houses and cars too. Their personal lives were also a hot mess!

[Anonymous]

Did you visit unannounced or were you invited? If invited and the house was a mess, don’t expect improvement,

[Anonymous]

An orderly space isn't always reflective of a well-ordered mind and life, it can be OCD or OCPD and everyone is just quietly tiptoeing around to not trigger the control freak.

[Anonymous]

That sounds extreme. I'd talk to her about it and see what happens. But I think it's a major red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you visit unannounced or were you invited? If invited and the house was a mess, don’t expect improvement,

OP here. I was invited both times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating a new woman that I really like but she is very messy. I have been to her place twice and it’s a mess. I’m a very clean person and that’s an important quality in a partner. I’m not sure it would workout longterm if we have to live together. Do I say something to her about it?

*whom I really like. “That” is for objects. “Workout” is an exercise session. “Work out” means have a good outcome.

Everyone has flaws. If you want to be in a relationship you need to learn to see the good and stay blind to the rest.

[Anonymous]

I would break up over this

[Anonymous]

See you later.
Critical traits can poison the marriage when the partners fail to appreciate the importance to the other.
I am prompt. Starts at 8, I arrive 7:45. Ex would not prepare for the event until 8:30. Chilly discussions defining ‘Leave’. Leave to me means seat belts latched and the car traveling in reverse from the driveway to the street. To her, ‘Leave’ meant deciding which outfit to wear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating a new woman that I really like but she is very messy. I have been to her place twice and it’s a mess. I’m a very clean person and that’s an important quality in a partner. I’m not sure it would workout longterm if we have to live together. Do I say something to her about it?

Offer to clean for her. If you two married, would you end up being the househusband? If so, what is the big deal? If she works, can you recommend a good housekeeper? If this is your most IMPORTANT quality, don't string her along--break it off immediately. Keep in mind children aren't robots, they drool and get dirty and have papers/exams cutting into room cleaning time. Date women in maid services or custodial services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating a new woman that I really like but she is very messy. I have been to her place twice and it’s a mess. I’m a very clean person and that’s an important quality in a partner. I’m not sure it would workout longterm if we have to live together. Do I say something to her about it?

Offer to clean for her. If you two married, would you end up being the househusband? If so, what is the big deal? If she works, can you recommend a good housekeeper? If this is your most IMPORTANT quality, don't string her along--break it off immediately. Keep in mind children aren't robots, they drool and get dirty and have papers/exams cutting into room cleaning time. Date women in maid services or custodial services.

Why must you make women helpless little victims? OP should clean for her? How about she get her lazy butt up and clean her own place like adults do. You must be a slob too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An orderly space isn't always reflective of a well-ordered mind and life, it can be OCD or OCPD and everyone is just quietly tiptoeing around to not trigger the control freak.

True. Other than gf purposely being meddy and I tedtOP. I think it's not a match

[Anonymous]

If the mess bothers you now, it won’t bother you less in ten years when you’re married with a couple of kids that you are trying to teach good habits around cleaning up that are undermined by your spouse at every turn. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating a new woman that I really like but she is very messy. I have been to her place twice and it’s a mess. I’m a very clean person and that’s an important quality in a partner. I’m not sure it would workout longterm if we have to live together. Do I say something to her about it?

Offer to clean for her. If you two married, would you end up being the househusband? If so, what is the big deal? If she works, can you recommend a good housekeeper? If this is your most IMPORTANT quality, don't string her along--break it off immediately. Keep in mind children aren't robots, they drool and get dirty and have papers/exams cutting into room cleaning time. Date women in maid services or custodial services.

Why must you make women helpless little victims? OP should clean for her? How about she get her lazy butt up and clean her own place like adults do. You must be a slob too.

Messy place clearly isn’t a big deal for her not is OP because if he was, she would’ve cleaned up for a planned visit. Many people pretend to be nice, clean, sober, pretty (flaws hidden under make up), financially fit (no mention of debt or low credit score) etc, at least she is upfront.