First communion etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

She knew enough to ask, so the snark wasn’t necessary.

The Mass will be about 60 minutes long. Don’t go up to communion if you aren’t Catholic. There will be a lot of sitting/standing/kneeling - just follow everyone else and feel free to skip the kneeling. For a gift, money is best but not too much will be expected. $50 is plenty if you aren’t super close.

You’re right, apologies for the snark, just trying to clarify that a non- first communion candidate wearing all white would be very out of place.

This is OP. Yes, I’ve never been to one, but do realize the girls wear white. But since it is for a boy, and it isn’t a wedding, I thought I would clarify. I didn’t realize this is done as a large group with many children though.

The actual ceremony will probably be for a couple dozen kids all at once. So it might be weird for your DD to wear a white dress to the mass portion, but she'd be fine wearing a white dress at a little boy's after party. But also, because there are so many kids being honored at once, I don't think it's that weird for your teen to wear a white dress, unless she paired it with a veil and some gloves and a brand new crucifix, because first communion outfits are a little extra, and I don't think a white spring dress on a teen would be that attention seeking. The biggest faux pas you could make, would be to take communion, so just remain seated during that portion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

She knew enough to ask, so the snark wasn’t necessary.

The Mass will be about 60 minutes long. Don’t go up to communion if you aren’t Catholic. There will be a lot of sitting/standing/kneeling - just follow everyone else and feel free to skip the kneeling. For a gift, money is best but not too much will be expected. $50 is plenty if you aren’t super close.

You’re right, apologies for the snark, just trying to clarify that a non- first communion candidate wearing all white would be very out of place.

This is OP. Yes, I’ve never been to one, but do realize the girls wear white. But since it is for a boy, and it isn’t a wedding, I thought I would clarify. I didn’t realize this is done as a large group with many children though.

The actual ceremony will probably be for a couple dozen kids all at once. So it might be weird for your DD to wear a white dress to the mass portion, but she'd be fine wearing a white dress at a little boy's after party. But also, because there are so many kids being honored at once, I don't think it's that weird for your teen to wear a white dress, unless she paired it with a veil and some gloves and a brand new crucifix, because first communion outfits are a little extra, and I don't think a white spring dress on a teen would be that attention seeking. The biggest faux pas you could make, would be to take communion, so just remain seated during that portion.

Have teen DD put a colorful shrug or cardigan over her dress and no one will care or confuse her. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your teen daughter can wear whatever she wants. I wouldn't care if she showed up in ripped jeans and a rainbow mohawk. Props to any teenager for even going.

You can give whatever you want. I, personally, think that $50 is a LOT to give to an eight year old, but people run in different circles. My brother gave my boys a bunch of comic books for first communion, and they thought that was the coolest thing ever. One of my daughters treasured the cards with thoughtful words that people wrote in them. I really can't think of anything inappropriate. It's fine to bring nothing. I was going to write that it would be kind of a faux pas to give something religious if you aren't Catholic, but I remembered that I was actually very touched when my sister's Muslim in-laws gave one of my children a beautiful rosary.

As far as the sitting, standing, and kneeling, just remember that you only kneel the second half of the service when the Body of Christ is up on the alter. The first half of the mass is bible readings and the priest talking, and you either sit or stand. Halfway through, there is a tiny parade where one family will bring the hosts down the center aisle. After that, the mass essentially sacrifices Christ for our sins all over again, and we kneel a lot. There will be a little ceremony for the kids getting their first communion. Then everyone else will get communion. If you do not believe that the host is the body of Christ, then you shouldn't get communion. If you do believe that, then you should talk to a priest about being baptized and receiving communion. Once everyone receives, the priest essentially washes the dishes. Once the dishes are clean and the hosts are put back in the tabernacle, everyone sits.
After communion, there is a prayer, then general announcements about whatever is going on in the parish, then a song. During the song, the priest and alter servers have a mini parade down the center aisle, and everyone is free to leave.

I hope that this helps!

Parades in the aisle and dish washing on the altar — this is the funniest description of Catholic services I’ve ever read!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your teen daughter can wear whatever she wants. I wouldn't care if she showed up in ripped jeans and a rainbow mohawk. Props to any teenager for even going.

You can give whatever you want. I, personally, think that $50 is a LOT to give to an eight year old, but people run in different circles. My brother gave my boys a bunch of comic books for first communion, and they thought that was the coolest thing ever. One of my daughters treasured the cards with thoughtful words that people wrote in them. I really can't think of anything inappropriate. It's fine to bring nothing. I was going to write that it would be kind of a faux pas to give something religious if you aren't Catholic, but I remembered that I was actually very touched when my sister's Muslim in-laws gave one of my children a beautiful rosary.

As far as the sitting, standing, and kneeling, just remember that you only kneel the second half of the service when the Body of Christ is up on the alter. The first half of the mass is bible readings and the priest talking, and you either sit or stand. Halfway through, there is a tiny parade where one family will bring the hosts down the center aisle. After that, the mass essentially sacrifices Christ for our sins all over again, and we kneel a lot. There will be a little ceremony for the kids getting their first communion. Then everyone else will get communion. If you do not believe that the host is the body of Christ, then you shouldn't get communion. If you do believe that, then you should talk to a priest about being baptized and receiving communion. Once everyone receives, the priest essentially washes the dishes. Once the dishes are clean and the hosts are put back in the tabernacle, everyone sits.
After communion, there is a prayer, then general announcements about whatever is going on in the parish, then a song. During the song, the priest and alter servers have a mini parade down the center aisle, and everyone is free to leave.

I hope that this helps!

Parades in the aisle and dish washing on the altar — this is the funniest description of Catholic services I’ve ever read!

New poster here. My family is as Catholic as they come and this poster is completely accurate!! I loved the description. First Communion gifts tend to be things that are either religious (cross necklace, rosary, Bible, statue) or things that will be kept and cherished (picture frames with a name engraved, small keepsake box) My boys are all teens now and still have the wooden boxes that they received for their First Communion. I think your daughter can wear a white dress. If the dress does not have sleeves than I would suggest some sort of shrug for the mass.

[Anonymous]

Yes, a small keepsake is the appropriate gift, or just a card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

She knew enough to ask, so the snark wasn’t necessary.

The Mass will be about 60 minutes long. Don’t go up to communion if you aren’t Catholic. There will be a lot of sitting/standing/kneeling - just follow everyone else and feel free to skip the kneeling. For a gift, money is best but not too much will be expected. $50 is plenty if you aren’t super close.

You’re right, apologies for the snark, just trying to clarify that a non- first communion candidate wearing all white would be very out of place.

This is OP. Yes, I’ve never been to one, but do realize the girls wear white. But since it is for a boy, and it isn’t a wedding, I thought I would clarify. I didn’t realize this is done as a large group with many children though.

The actual ceremony will probably be for a couple dozen kids all at once. So it might be weird for your DD to wear a white dress to the mass portion, but she'd be fine wearing a white dress at a little boy's after party. But also, because there are so many kids being honored at once, I don't think it's that weird for your teen to wear a white dress, unless she paired it with a veil and some gloves and a brand new crucifix, because first communion outfits are a little extra, and I don't think a white spring dress on a teen would be that attention seeking. The biggest faux pas you could make, would be to take communion, so just remain seated during that portion.

Every church is different.
At our DC Catholic Church, only a few kids receive 1st communion at a time and they spread it over a month or so. There are no universal rules here.
Other parishes have a few special masses with about 20 kids.
Some family traditions girls will look like little brides - other parishes just ask that they are in a comfortable dress.

Do not sweat it - their will be a lot of people who it is the 1st time they stepped into a church in years. Follow the lead of those around you. Here is a short article on tips:
https://restlesspilgrim.net/blog/2018/06/16/attending-mass/

Regarding attire, there will be a range. I think it is fine for a teen to wear a white dress. This is not a wedding where you might go out an buy something new (unless you want to). My daughter outgrew her shoes and was in her converse high tops for her cousin's 1st communion. Guess what - no one remembers what she wore except for me and typically I would say no sneakers.

Enjoy the celebration

[Anonymous]

Isn’t it weird to anyone else that 7-8 year old girls are made to dress up like brides?

[Anonymous]

Yep, totally weird. (I was raised Catholic and have my very own bride of Christ portrait.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your teen daughter can wear whatever she wants. I wouldn't care if she showed up in ripped jeans and a rainbow mohawk. Props to any teenager for even going.

You can give whatever you want. I, personally, think that $50 is a LOT to give to an eight year old, but people run in different circles. My brother gave my boys a bunch of comic books for first communion, and they thought that was the coolest thing ever. One of my daughters treasured the cards with thoughtful words that people wrote in them. I really can't think of anything inappropriate. It's fine to bring nothing. I was going to write that it would be kind of a faux pas to give something religious if you aren't Catholic, but I remembered that I was actually very touched when my sister's Muslim in-laws gave one of my children a beautiful rosary.

As far as the sitting, standing, and kneeling, just remember that you only kneel the second half of the service when the Body of Christ is up on the alter. The first half of the mass is bible readings and the priest talking, and you either sit or stand. Halfway through, there is a tiny parade where one family will bring the hosts down the center aisle. After that, the mass essentially sacrifices Christ for our sins all over again, and we kneel a lot. There will be a little ceremony for the kids getting their first communion. Then everyone else will get communion. If you do not believe that the host is the body of Christ, then you shouldn't get communion. If you do believe that, then you should talk to a priest about being baptized and receiving communion. Once everyone receives, the priest essentially washes the dishes. Once the dishes are clean and the hosts are put back in the tabernacle, everyone sits.
After communion, there is a prayer, then general announcements about whatever is going on in the parish, then a song. During the song, the priest and alter servers have a mini parade down the center aisle, and everyone is free to leave.

I hope that this helps!

Parades in the aisle and dish washing on the altar — this is the funniest description of Catholic services I’ve ever read!

New poster here. My family is as Catholic as they come and this poster is completely accurate!! I loved the description. First Communion gifts tend to be things that are either religious (cross necklace, rosary, Bible, statue) or things that will be kept and cherished (picture frames with a name engraved, small keepsake box) My boys are all teens now and still have the wooden boxes that they received for their First Communion. I think your daughter can wear a white dress. If the dress does not have sleeves than I would suggest some sort of shrug for the mass.

You definitely don’t need to wear a cardigan or shrug to cover your shoulders in a Catholic Church?! No one cares unless you know for a fact the parish is super conservative/old school. Maybe if you’re worried she might be cold inside the a/c but I grew up in the Catholic Church 90s and this would have already been outdated advice and my church was pretty traditional. This isn’t a first communion at the Vatican.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

She knew enough to ask, so the snark wasn’t necessary.

The Mass will be about 60 minutes long. Don’t go up to communion if you aren’t Catholic. There will be a lot of sitting/standing/kneeling - just follow everyone else and feel free to skip the kneeling. For a gift, money is best but not too much will be expected. $50 is plenty if you aren’t super close.

You’re right, apologies for the snark, just trying to clarify that a non- first communion candidate wearing all white would be very out of place.

This is OP. Yes, I’ve never been to one, but do realize the girls wear white. But since it is for a boy, and it isn’t a wedding, I thought I would clarify. I didn’t realize this is done as a large group with many children though.

The actual ceremony will probably be for a couple dozen kids all at once. So it might be weird for your DD to wear a white dress to the mass portion, but she'd be fine wearing a white dress at a little boy's after party. But also, because there are so many kids being honored at once, I don't think it's that weird for your teen to wear a white dress, unless she paired it with a veil and some gloves and a brand new crucifix, because first communion outfits are a little extra, and I don't think a white spring dress on a teen would be that attention seeking. The biggest faux pas you could make, would be to take communion, so just remain seated during that portion.

Every church is different.
At our DC Catholic Church, only a few kids receive 1st communion at a time and they spread it over a month or so. There are no universal rules here.
Other parishes have a few special masses with about 20 kids.
Some family traditions girls will look like little brides - other parishes just ask that they are in a comfortable dress.

Do not sweat it - their will be a lot of people who it is the 1st time they stepped into a church in years. Follow the lead of those around you. Here is a short article on tips:
https://restlesspilgrim.net/blog/2018/06/16/attending-mass/

Regarding attire, there will be a range. I think it is fine for a teen to wear a white dress. This is not a wedding where you might go out an buy something new (unless you want to). My daughter outgrew her shoes and was in her converse high tops for her cousin's 1st communion. Guess what - no one remembers what she wore except for me and typically I would say no sneakers.

Enjoy the celebration

At our parish the first communions are huge. I think they had four different times (2 one weekend, 2 the next weekend) and there was still at least 100 kids! They had to limit attendance--each family got one pew.

[Anonymous]

It will vary from church to church. If it's a big suburban church there may be 50 kids getting communion. Your daughter wearing a white dress isn't too odd because she's obviously older, but I agree to pair it with a colorful sweater or something like that. For gifts, $20 cash inside a card is fine. If you wanted to give a religious book, rosary, engraved bible, or crucifix you could.

It may be a long service with lots of pomp. But no one will be paying attention to you, so just show up and roll with it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it weird to anyone else that 7-8 year old girls are made to dress up like brides?

For Catholics, both occasions are sacramental. Veils used to be a thing for confirmation too. Even today, the sacrament of baptism bears a resemblence to these as a lace bonnet (so also a lace head covering, but shorter) are often worn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your teen daughter can wear whatever she wants. I wouldn't care if she showed up in ripped jeans and a rainbow mohawk. Props to any teenager for even going.

You can give whatever you want. I, personally, think that $50 is a LOT to give to an eight year old, but people run in different circles. My brother gave my boys a bunch of comic books for first communion, and they thought that was the coolest thing ever. One of my daughters treasured the cards with thoughtful words that people wrote in them. I really can't think of anything inappropriate. It's fine to bring nothing. I was going to write that it would be kind of a faux pas to give something religious if you aren't Catholic, but I remembered that I was actually very touched when my sister's Muslim in-laws gave one of my children a beautiful rosary.

As far as the sitting, standing, and kneeling, just remember that you only kneel the second half of the service when the Body of Christ is up on the alter. The first half of the mass is bible readings and the priest talking, and you either sit or stand. Halfway through, there is a tiny parade where one family will bring the hosts down the center aisle. After that, the mass essentially sacrifices Christ for our sins all over again, and we kneel a lot. There will be a little ceremony for the kids getting their first communion. Then everyone else will get communion. If you do not believe that the host is the body of Christ, then you shouldn't get communion. If you do believe that, then you should talk to a priest about being baptized and receiving communion. Once everyone receives, the priest essentially washes the dishes. Once the dishes are clean and the hosts are put back in the tabernacle, everyone sits.
After communion, there is a prayer, then general announcements about whatever is going on in the parish, then a song. During the song, the priest and alter servers have a mini parade down the center aisle, and everyone is free to leave.

I hope that this helps!

Parades in the aisle and dish washing on the altar — this is the funniest description of Catholic services I’ve ever read!

New poster here. My family is as Catholic as they come and this poster is completely accurate!! I loved the description. First Communion gifts tend to be things that are either religious (cross necklace, rosary, Bible, statue) or things that will be kept and cherished (picture frames with a name engraved, small keepsake box) My boys are all teens now and still have the wooden boxes that they received for their First Communion. I think your daughter can wear a white dress. If the dress does not have sleeves than I would suggest some sort of shrug for the mass.

You definitely don’t need to wear a cardigan or shrug to cover your shoulders in a Catholic Church?! No one cares unless you know for a fact the parish is super conservative/old school. Maybe if you’re worried she might be cold inside the a/c but I grew up in the Catholic Church 90s and this would have already been outdated advice and my church was pretty traditional. This isn’t a first communion at the Vatican.

For the color, so she doesn't match the younger girls getting first communion.

Op, if it's a Protestant first communion, it'll be different than prescribed, but you'll get a bulletin to follow along.

$20 in a card is plenty for non close friends.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give money.

Even though you aren't religious, you can gift a Bible. My son LOVES this one.

https://www.amazon.com/Laugh-Grow-Bible-Kids-Five-Minute/dp/1546017453/ref=sr_1_28?crid=2YN8BMO0ZD8IN&keywords=kid+bible&qid=1649545477&sprefix=kid%2520bible%2Caps%2C55&sr=8-28

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give money.

Even though you aren't religious, you can gift a Bible. My son LOVES this one.

https://www.amazon.com/Laugh-Grow-Bible-Kids-Five-Minute/dp/1546017453/ref=sr_1_28?crid=2YN8BMO0ZD8IN&keywords=kid+bible&qid=1649545477&sprefix=kid%2520bible%2Caps%2C55&sr=8-28

This is Op. We are known atheists and this family has a HUGE family that are likely giving these types of things. I’d rather give money or nothing