First communion etiquette

[Anonymous]

Our family had been invited to the first communion of some friends, plus a reception afterwards. We aren’t religious so can someone help me out as to what will be expected from us? Do I give a gift? Just money?

My teen daughter’s favorite spring dress that I know she will want to wear is white. Will she be committing some kind of faux pas if she wears a white dress to a boy’s first communion?

Thanks for any help.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't wear a white dress, but if she is way older it might be okay. You say it is her fav, but not her only, then pick a different one.

[Anonymous]

No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

[Anonymous]

+1 that it would be weird/inappropriate for your teen who is not celebrating first holy communion to wear a white dress to the mass. A small monetary or physical gift would be a nice gesture, but there’s no specific expectation/traditional gift aside from the godparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

She knew enough to ask, so the snark wasn’t necessary.

The Mass will be about 60 minutes long. Don’t go up to communion if you aren’t Catholic. There will be a lot of sitting/standing/kneeling - just follow everyone else and feel free to skip the kneeling. For a gift, money is best but not too much will be expected. $50 is plenty if you aren’t super close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

She knew enough to ask, so the snark wasn’t necessary.

The Mass will be about 60 minutes long. Don’t go up to communion if you aren’t Catholic. There will be a lot of sitting/standing/kneeling - just follow everyone else and feel free to skip the kneeling. For a gift, money is best but not too much will be expected. $50 is plenty if you aren’t super close.

You’re right, apologies for the snark, just trying to clarify that a non- first communion candidate wearing all white would be very out of place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

She knew enough to ask, so the snark wasn’t necessary.

The Mass will be about 60 minutes long. Don’t go up to communion if you aren’t Catholic. There will be a lot of sitting/standing/kneeling - just follow everyone else and feel free to skip the kneeling. For a gift, money is best but not too much will be expected. $50 is plenty if you aren’t super close.

$50 for an unrelated child from someone who isn’t even Catholic? No. It’s not a b’nai mitzvah. It’s special and holy but not a major gift giving occasion. If you want to give something small like a book, or something that size feel free but even that is not needed.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I would not want a kid in all white but a white dress with a brightly colored cardigan or something would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

She knew enough to ask, so the snark wasn’t necessary.

The Mass will be about 60 minutes long. Don’t go up to communion if you aren’t Catholic. There will be a lot of sitting/standing/kneeling - just follow everyone else and feel free to skip the kneeling. For a gift, money is best but not too much will be expected. $50 is plenty if you aren’t super close.

$50 for an unrelated child from someone who isn’t even Catholic? No. It’s not a b’nai mitzvah. It’s special and holy but not a major gift giving occasion. If you want to give something small like a book, or something that size feel free but even that is not needed.

Agree $50 is on the high side for a non-relative. I’d do more like $20 - $40. Also agree no on the white dress.

[Anonymous]

You can get an appropriate “First Communion”card at a hallmark store. Bringing the card with a small cash gift enclosed is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Your teen daughter can wear whatever she wants. I wouldn't care if she showed up in ripped jeans and a rainbow mohawk. Props to any teenager for even going.

You can give whatever you want. I, personally, think that $50 is a LOT to give to an eight year old, but people run in different circles. My brother gave my boys a bunch of comic books for first communion, and they thought that was the coolest thing ever. One of my daughters treasured the cards with thoughtful words that people wrote in them. I really can't think of anything inappropriate. It's fine to bring nothing. I was going to write that it would be kind of a faux pas to give something religious if you aren't Catholic, but I remembered that I was actually very touched when my sister's Muslim in-laws gave one of my children a beautiful rosary.

As far as the sitting, standing, and kneeling, just remember that you only kneel the second half of the service when the Body of Christ is up on the alter. The first half of the mass is bible readings and the priest talking, and you either sit or stand. Halfway through, there is a tiny parade where one family will bring the hosts down the center aisle. After that, the mass essentially sacrifices Christ for our sins all over again, and we kneel a lot. There will be a little ceremony for the kids getting their first communion. Then everyone else will get communion. If you do not believe that the host is the body of Christ, then you shouldn't get communion. If you do believe that, then you should talk to a priest about being baptized and receiving communion. Once everyone receives, the priest essentially washes the dishes. Once the dishes are clean and the hosts are put back in the tabernacle, everyone sits.
After communion, there is a prayer, then general announcements about whatever is going on in the parish, then a song. During the song, the priest and alter servers have a mini parade down the center aisle, and everyone is free to leave.

I hope that this helps!

[Anonymous]

I also don't think wearing white is s big deal. Althoigh people do bring gifts, it's not supposed to be a big gift giving occasion. So if you choose to bring something, smaller gifts are appropriate. The card with $20 would be fine. A rosary is also a nice gift if you feel comfortable buying one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your teen daughter can wear whatever she wants. I wouldn't care if she showed up in ripped jeans and a rainbow mohawk. Props to any teenager for even going.

You can give whatever you want. I, personally, think that $50 is a LOT to give to an eight year old, but people run in different circles. My brother gave my boys a bunch of comic books for first communion, and they thought that was the coolest thing ever. One of my daughters treasured the cards with thoughtful words that people wrote in them. I really can't think of anything inappropriate. It's fine to bring nothing. I was going to write that it would be kind of a faux pas to give something religious if you aren't Catholic, but I remembered that I was actually very touched when my sister's Muslim in-laws gave one of my children a beautiful rosary.

As far as the sitting, standing, and kneeling, just remember that you only kneel the second half of the service when the Body of Christ is up on the alter. The first half of the mass is bible readings and the priest talking, and you either sit or stand. Halfway through, there is a tiny parade where one family will bring the hosts down the center aisle. After that, the mass essentially sacrifices Christ for our sins all over again, and we kneel a lot. There will be a little ceremony for the kids getting their first communion. Then everyone else will get communion. If you do not believe that the host is the body of Christ, then you shouldn't get communion. If you do believe that, then you should talk to a priest about being baptized and receiving communion. Once everyone receives, the priest essentially washes the dishes. Once the dishes are clean and the hosts are put back in the tabernacle, everyone sits.
After communion, there is a prayer, then general announcements about whatever is going on in the parish, then a song. During the song, the priest and alter servers have a mini parade down the center aisle, and everyone is free to leave.

This is all so bizarre lol!!

I hope that this helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No white dress. If your daughter is a teen, she is old enough to understand that the day isn't all about her.

+1, would you let her wear the white dress to a wedding? There will be lots of little 7-8 year old girls receiving first communion decked out in white dresses (and in some cases veils) and then randomly your teen daughter.

She knew enough to ask, so the snark wasn’t necessary.

The Mass will be about 60 minutes long. Don’t go up to communion if you aren’t Catholic. There will be a lot of sitting/standing/kneeling - just follow everyone else and feel free to skip the kneeling. For a gift, money is best but not too much will be expected. $50 is plenty if you aren’t super close.

You’re right, apologies for the snark, just trying to clarify that a non- first communion candidate wearing all white would be very out of place.

This is OP. Yes, I’ve never been to one, but do realize the girls wear white. But since it is for a boy, and it isn’t a wedding, I thought I would clarify. I didn’t realize this is done as a large group with many children though.