What to do if you see egregious nanny behaviour?

[Anonymous]

I saw a woman last Thursday around dinnertime in downtown Bethesda (outside the Q by Peter Chang) -- I don't know if she was a nanny or a mom but she was seriously off her rocker and I was really tempted to post somewhere so someone can get her some help.
I was waiting for a bus across the street catty-corner, and was there maybe 10 minutes. She was standing on the corner the whole time, screeching obscenities at the top of he lungs at passing cars -- really really loud and awful. At first I thought it was a bad breakup and she was screaming at some guy in a car, but she was screaming at ALL the cars that way. She was well dressed (black pants, animal print coat, heeled short boots, blonde bun on her head). I was hoping the stroller was empty, but she turned around and I could see there was a little boy about 1 or 2 in the stroller, just staring at her and I felt so bad for him. A woman walking by asked if she was okay and she just screamed at the woman. She finally went into the restaurant (Q) where she hopefully calmed down.

I totally get losing your temper and even yelling the F word despite a kid being there -- but I've never seen anyone just standing there screaming obscenities for so long (except for some of the really mentally ill/high homeless people downtown -- but this would stand out even for one of them). Really hope that was just a really out of character day for her, and that's not the kid's norm.

But to answer OP, if it were my nanny, I'd want to know. We had one nanny that was truly awful - luckily my kids were old enough to tell me. (And there was also a mom who was very nice about it, but alerted me to the fact that the nanny had dropped my six year old off at a playground to meet some people but and then just left without checking to see if the people were there-which they weren't.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know it wasn't the mom?

+1. People think I’m my child’s nanny all the time.

+2. People think I’m my charge’s grandmother all the time and I’m the nanny.

Regardless, track down who the child is and tell the parents.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny used to take DD to a kiddie gym frequently but occasionally I would take her in Fridays when the nanny didn’t work. One time another nanny came up to me, laughing, and told me how she thought nanny was the mother and told her how the babysitter (me) was ignoring DD when we came on Fridays. I was mortified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny used to take DD to a kiddie gym frequently but occasionally I would take her in Fridays when the nanny didn’t work. One time another nanny came up to me, laughing, and told me how she thought nanny was the mother and told her how the babysitter (me) was ignoring DD when we came on Fridays. I was mortified.

You shouldn't! A nanny taking a kid to a playground or kiddie gym is totally different than a parent doing it. The nanny is at work -- she's literally being paid to engage with the child. For a parent, playgrounds and kiddie gyms can be a break from the nonstop of being with a small child from dawn to sundown. Nannies get to show up at 9 and leave at 6. They get weekends off. It's more reasonable to expect them to actively play with a kid at a place like that, though even with a nanny I think it's okay to take a break and say "ok, now you can play on your own for a bit." But for a parent? That can be a break time.

My kid went through a phase where she would not play on her own at playgrounds, from about 2.5 until almost 4. So my DH or I would play with her pretty much the entire time during that period. She was really afraid of other kids, especially older kids, and it was the only way to get her to actually play. You know what we'd do the second we got home from the playground? Tell her it was time to play on her own for a bit and take a freaking break! Parents get breaks. You are not required to engage with your child 24/7.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and this situation makes me sad for that little one, whether it was a nanny or parent/relative. I would say something if I knew it was a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I’d post on listserv if you have no other way of finding out and I’d want to know if it was my kid. This isn’t like a nanny ignoring the child in a stroller while on her phone - that child is safe. This is a safety issue and I’d want to know no matter what I did with the info.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a vague post on a listserv. I’ve seen them before— “child and nanny were at X park; child had red glasses and curly hair, please contact me privately if this is your child.”

I would want to know. That’s a serious safety issue.

[Anonymous]

I'd want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny used to take DD to a kiddie gym frequently but occasionally I would take her in Fridays when the nanny didn’t work. One time another nanny came up to me, laughing, and told me how she thought nanny was the mother and told her how the babysitter (me) was ignoring DD when we came on Fridays. I was mortified.

OMG, that is funny! Your nanny was a class act not to tell you. I can’t believe that other nanny thought you’d think that was funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked this on DCUM before (a nanny who is always on the phone for hours while baby is parked in a stroller) and people said mind your own business. So…most people don’t want to know l think.

Surely you understand how that is different than walking ahead and ignoring a small child to cross a street alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all, question. What would you do if you saw egregious nanny behavior? I am working at home, and from my window saw a nanny pushing a stroller and carrying a kids pool. She was 100% on her phone and looking forward, and screaming at a child who was somewhere behind her. As she crossed the alley behind my house (which is a pretty dangerous alley with lots of blind spots and cars pulling in to do u-turns) and she got to the other side I saw that the child, who was about 20 feet behind her, was probably around 2 years old, in a rain jacket and boots, and just quietly walking along trying to follow her. She didn't look back or even check to see if he crossed the alley safely, and continued up the street while he followed behind for at least a half a block until they were out of sight. It really disturbed me that she was 1) so inattentive, 2) had yelled so much, and 3) so unconcerned about his safety.

I have no idea who the nanny is or who the kid is. But if it were my kid I would want to know. I guess it might not even be a nanny - maybe it is a family member, but I don't think so. Do I post on our neighborhood message board?

I would have jumped out of my chair to make sure the parents were informed. But you never know, some parents are just as bad. I couldn’t sit still and do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked this on DCUM before (a nanny who is always on the phone for hours while baby is parked in a stroller) and people said mind your own business. So…most people don’t want to know l think.

Surely you understand how that is different than walking ahead and ignoring a small child to cross a street alone.

I don’t understand the problem with this. It sounds like a nap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked this on DCUM before (a nanny who is always on the phone for hours while baby is parked in a stroller) and people said mind your own business. So…most people don’t want to know l think.

Surely you understand how that is different than walking ahead and ignoring a small child to cross a street alone.

I don’t understand the problem with this. It sounds like a nap?

What the hell are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know it wasn't the mom?

+1 I often wonder if people see me texting at the park and think I'm a lazy nanny (I'm young and more "ethnic" looking than my child)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know it wasn't the mom?

+1 I often wonder if people see me texting at the park and think I'm a lazy nanny (I'm young and more "ethnic" looking than my child)

This is not just sitting and texting at the park.