What to do if you see egregious nanny behaviour?

[Anonymous]

Hi all, question. What would you do if you saw egregious nanny behavior? I am working at home, and from my window saw a nanny pushing a stroller and carrying a kids pool. She was 100% on her phone and looking forward, and screaming at a child who was somewhere behind her. As she crossed the alley behind my house (which is a pretty dangerous alley with lots of blind spots and cars pulling in to do u-turns) and she got to the other side I saw that the child, who was about 20 feet behind her, was probably around 2 years old, in a rain jacket and boots, and just quietly walking along trying to follow her. She didn't look back or even check to see if he crossed the alley safely, and continued up the street while he followed behind for at least a half a block until they were out of sight. It really disturbed me that she was 1) so inattentive, 2) had yelled so much, and 3) so unconcerned about his safety.

I have no idea who the nanny is or who the kid is. But if it were my kid I would want to know. I guess it might not even be a nanny - maybe it is a family member, but I don't think so. Do I post on our neighborhood message board?

[Anonymous]

Hmm.

This is a tough one because this is right on the bubble. If I saw a nanny hit a kid, for example, I would do whatever I had to to figure out who the parents were and tell them. Follow them to get the address then mail a letter (not anonymous), post on neighborhood listservs with descriptions, ask around, etc, etc.

But I'm not sure if what you're describing crosses that line. Yelling, we all have bad days, that certainly wouldn't cross that line for me. The phone and the alley independently, I probably wouldn't say anything - lots of parents and nannies aren't that attentive and spend lots of time on the phone. And my kid crosses alleys independently at age 2, but he knows to look both ways first. BUT the combo is what might push me over - I would never have my two year old walking independently without my full and 100% attention.

Probably in this on the bubble case, I would start by just keeping an eye out. They probably walk the same path most days, or at least that day of the week. You can see if there's a pattern - is what you witnessed a bad day or a good day? That would affect the action I would take in this case, I think.

Ethically, I think you can make the case for posting or not posting, so I don't think you need to feel guilty either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm.

This is a tough one because this is right on the bubble. If I saw a nanny hit a kid, for example, I would do whatever I had to to figure out who the parents were and tell them. Follow them to get the address then mail a letter (not anonymous), post on neighborhood listservs with descriptions, ask around, etc, etc.

But I'm not sure if what you're describing crosses that line. Yelling, we all have bad days, that certainly wouldn't cross that line for me. The phone and the alley independently, I probably wouldn't say anything - lots of parents and nannies aren't that attentive and spend lots of time on the phone. And my kid crosses alleys independently at age 2, but he knows to look both ways first. BUT the combo is what might push me over - I would never have my two year old walking independently without my full and 100% attention.

Probably in this on the bubble case, I would start by just keeping an eye out. They probably walk the same path most days, or at least that day of the week. You can see if there's a pattern - is what you witnessed a bad day or a good day? That would affect the action I would take in this case, I think.

Ethically, I think you can make the case for posting or not posting, so I don't think you need to feel guilty either way.

+1

My neighbor told me when she spotted my first nanny on the phone, most of the day, more than once. My second nanny was a keeper, but I would have never had the second nanny, if my neighbor had not given me the heads up. [Of course, a different neighbor trried to poach the second nanny, unsuccessfully - it truly takes all kinds - not so much "a village".]

[Anonymous]

This is not egregious behavior. It's just a crappy nanny.

[Anonymous]

How do you know it wasn't the mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm.

This is a tough one because this is right on the bubble. If I saw a nanny hit a kid, for example, I would do whatever I had to to figure out who the parents were and tell them. Follow them to get the address then mail a letter (not anonymous), post on neighborhood listservs with descriptions, ask around, etc, etc.

But I'm not sure if what you're describing crosses that line. Yelling, we all have bad days, that certainly wouldn't cross that line for me. The phone and the alley independently, I probably wouldn't say anything - lots of parents and nannies aren't that attentive and spend lots of time on the phone. And my kid crosses alleys independently at age 2, but he knows to look both ways first. BUT the combo is what might push me over - I would never have my two year old walking independently without my full and 100% attention.

Probably in this on the bubble case, I would start by just keeping an eye out. They probably walk the same path most days, or at least that day of the week. You can see if there's a pattern - is what you witnessed a bad day or a good day? That would affect the action I would take in this case, I think.

Ethically, I think you can make the case for posting or not posting, so I don't think you need to feel guilty either way.

Bad idea. Really bad idea. Way too young. Kids that young can't judge what they're looking at or for, and don't have the implulse control at any rate. Children don't actually develop the physcial and cognitive skills required for that judgment until 14--at least for busy streets. An alley isn't likely to be busy, but letting a two year old cross anywhere that has cars is just asking for trouble.

https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=203034

[Anonymous]

I’d definitely say something.

Even if it was the mom and not the nanny, it’ll let her know people are watching and put her on notice. What she did was very dangerous, you could be saving the child’s life.

[Anonymous]

This is really bad. I’d be so upset about my child walking unaccompanied in what you say is a dangerous alley. Go ahead and post.

[Anonymous]

I asked this on DCUM before (a nanny who is always on the phone for hours while baby is parked in a stroller) and people said mind your own business. So…most people don’t want to know l think.

[Anonymous]

If I knew the family or could easily figure it out, I would contact them directly and tell them, yes. That's really bad behavior and as a parent I'd want to know.

However, I would not post to a neighborhood list serve about it. I'm basing this on my own neighborhood list serve (which might also be yours based on your description -- MOTH in DC). It's a huge list serve with tons of families and while normally pretty polite and friendly, this is the kind of thing that could stir up a LOT of drama. I think the potential for causing more harm than good is high in a situation like this. In order to be of any use, your message would need to provide certain details (like the child's age and some identifying info, or the nanny's appearance, or the general location) which would make it likely that not only would the nanny's employer see it and know who it was about, but so might others. Heck, the nanny is very likely to be on the list serve herself in a neighborhood like mine, if she's worked in the area for a long time or lives in the neighborhood, or if her employers giver her access.

It's just too public.

This assessment would change if I say a nanny hitting a child or being violent in any way, or if I saw behavior like you describe on several occasions, making it clear this was a pattern and not just one bad day. Both of those things would make it more likely that I would post something on the list serve even if I didn't know the family. The behavior you describe is awful and would really bother me as a parent, but is borderline in an absolute sense, in that it's irresponsible but wouldn't constitute abuse or neglect if a parent did it, especially if it only happened once.

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of super vague posts on Nextdoor and local Facebook groups that provide a physical description of a kid and nanny and describe their clothes, then say something like "if this is your kid or you know this person, message me." I assume the point of those posts is something like what you're saying.

I would say mind your own business if the nanny is just inattentive, but this sounds actively dangerous so I think you should try to find the parents.

[Anonymous]

I would make a note of the date and time and what I saw. If I saw something off again I would attempt to take a picture & try to find the parents.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Find out who the child is and call the parents. I’ve done it before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know it wasn't the mom?

+1. People think I’m my child’s nanny all the time.