Should you tell your adult children

[Anonymous]

I just found out that my 90 year old mother has three half siblings that she knew about, but the rest of us (4 kids total) did not. Not a big deal. I probably have tons of cousins I don't know about. Also, I don't have any interest in learning who they are. If they reach out to me, fine.

This isn't the 1950s people!

[Anonymous]

BIL loved his father and did paint him as a hero for his children. As much as we knew him, he was a good person but we only met him in his late 60’s.

[Anonymous]

Nephews and nieces didn’t know him well, he lived in another state and they only met once a year and he passed away when they were very young.

[Anonymous]

I think they should know but it should come from whose history it is.

[Anonymous]

Some DCUMs imagine they live in an Edith Wharton novel.

[Anonymous]

Yes, because I have an open and honest relationship with them which I would like to continue.

[Anonymous]

It will come out when someone is doing their family history. Best to just disclose it now. Ask me how I know…

[Anonymous]

How is this at all relevant. If grandpa didn’t tell them or doesn’t talk about it, why is it anyone’s business to know or share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this at all relevant. If grandpa didn’t tell them or doesn’t talk about it, why is it anyone’s business to know or share?

Her FIL lived in a different state, only saw grandkids for two weeks every summer and died when they were under 10. It came up as my nephew was telling her about her GF’s father who has been divorced three times and asked if anyone in our close family married multiple times? She just said, not on my side but I don’t know detailed history about your dad’s side.

[Anonymous]

My dad's mom died when I was a junior in high school. All my grandparents were "old" grandparents because my parents were both the youngest of very large families, so my image of Grandma A was her lace up shoes and how when I had to sleep with her as a kid during visits at times there was all this unlacing of corsets and unbraiding her hair (yes, she was old), and the occasional 50 cent piece she would give us from her purse. And her strong ties to her Lutheran church.

It wasn't until I was 60 (not many years ago) that I learned that she met my grandfather through a newspaper ad (he wanted a wife) and that before that she had moved out west, filed a homestead claim, and planned to marry a farmer who had files an adjacent homestead claim (plus he was Catholic with French ancestry rather than Scandinavian) but was murdered and his horse stolen on a journey. (I was able to locate her original claim through some USDA archive site,it is now at the bottom of a reservoir). An amazing story I wished I'd known earlier. Also, the never married uncle who used to play games with us and always had treats turned out to have a past history of mental illness leading to episodes of violence resulting in the sheriff coming to the house form time to time. Never mentioned, but it was all in the diary of an unmarried aunt who had died and my mom corroborated it. Didn't change my child hood memories of my uncle although I now realize there was more to the picture.

[Anonymous]

They may find out eventually, as more becomes online. As a kid, I went to two of my grandfathers weddings and met a few other girlfriends that he didn’t marry. My grandmother died when I was 7 or 8 so this all happened after. Sometimes it happens. I remember mostly my father being upset over it all. He passed away a long time ago and looking back, I’m glad he wasn’t lonely. Don’t assume the grandkids will feel the same way as you.