DH loves me more than DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely love my husband more than my kids. But I love my dog more than my husband.

Here is a woman who has her priority straight!!

[Anonymous]

I think it's more normal for moms to love kids more and dads (married dads, anyway) to love the wife more.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? This is better for your marriage.

[Anonymous]

It’s a different but equal love I feel for my DH and my children. He is the love of my life and the person who knows me the best. I love my children like they are part of me. I’d take a bullet for any of them in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more normal for moms to love kids more and dads (married dads, anyway) to love the wife more.

I think this is true. It’s literally in our biology/chemistry.

[Anonymous]

You're way overthinking this Op. Don't have him quantify his love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more normal for moms to love kids more and dads (married dads, anyway) to love the wife more.

This.

[Anonymous]

DH and I overall enjoy each other's company more than that of the kids on any given day, but we all love each other a lot. That said, DH and I agree that if we were ever in some awful situation where it came down to saving each other vs. the kids, we'd save the kids. I'd be livid if he let one of our kids die to keep me alive.

[Anonymous]

It isn’t more or less - it’s different. The love I have for my children is protective and pure. The love I have for my husband is passionate and equal (for lack of a better word). DH is my best friend and companion in life - my kids aren’t.

But.. if DH ever hurt my kids, he’d be gone in a hot New York minute. If my kids hurt my DH, I’d still love and keep them.

[Anonymous]

Here's the deal. My husband could do something that would make me stop loving him. My kids couldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t all parents love their kids more deeply than their spouse? I honestly was shocked when he said this (it came up randomly) and a little upset. Does anything feel this way? Or do mothers just love differently from fathers?

DH here. Why did that shock you? If DW asked me the same question, I'd probably say the same as your DH even after over 30 years together... but love for your spouse and love for your kids are not the same love.

[Anonymous]

It's not a competition.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in their late teens and early 20s. They don't need us nearly as much on a day to day basis. Luckily my husband and I still need and love each other. It's made the transition to parenting adults much easier.

It's fine, don't over think it.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I definitely love each other more than the kids. That said, we love the kids a LOT. We have had conversations about the fact that we would always be able to have another kid, so if it came down to a choice between one of us and one of the kids, it would be us. That said, it would be soul crushing to lose a child and I agree with others that it's not a competition. There is not a set amount of love to be doled out (like, you don't love your second kid less when you have a third kid). And if you aren't talking about extremes like saving one life over another (which, if you don't live in Ukraine, isn't something we have to do these days), then what is the point of even talking about it??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the deal. My husband could do something that would make me stop loving him. My kids couldn't.

This is true, and true for my DH as well, and yet I think my DH would be just like OP's DH. I'm not sure what I would say if pressed. I love my DH. SO much. It is a different love than what I have for my kids in the way PP describes. The love I have for them is a constant. The intensity is basically constant. They are a part of my physical being in a way that is not changeable.

My DH is less permanent, I know that he could die and I might even love someone else. He could cheat on me and maybe we would break up. But just because it is not permanent, doesn't mean it is less intense. Something about the impermanence kind of adds to the intensity in some ways. We choose each other. And I think our very intense love for one another is a good thing for my kids.

I don't think anyone wins when you 'compare' love. It is different. I certainly don't love my friends 'as much' as my kids or DH, but I also think living a life without my friends would have been a sad and lonely life! Their contribution to my overall network of relationships is so important! The same for my aunts and uncles, and siblings and parents. All different, some more permanent than others, all important. What is gained by ranking them?

I think what is important is that my kids know in their souls that both DH and I love them fervently and will until the day we die. That is true, and there is almost no benefit in trying to parse out quantities of an intangible emotion. I try to focus more, and try to make them focus more, on how incredibly fortunate we are to have so many people to love and who love us.