DH loves me more than DC

[Anonymous]

I mean my DH has had to fear losing me alongside our child

[Anonymous]

I'm the mom and I agree with your DH. So does the brilliant writer Ayelet Waldman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom and I agree with your DH. So does the brilliant writer Ayelet Waldman.

Yes, she points out the difference is that she loves her kids (and she has a bunch, like 4?), but she is IN love with her spouse. I think this is healthy and best for a marriage and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn’t more or less - it’s different. The love I have for my children is protective and pure. The love I have for my husband is passionate and equal (for lack of a better word). DH is my best friend and companion in life - my kids aren’t.

But.. if DH ever hurt my kids, he’d be gone in a hot New York minute. If my kids hurt my DH, I’d still love and keep them.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the deal. My husband could do something that would make me stop loving him. My kids couldn't.

!00% this. My kids are almost grown now, but I still think of them as a part of my heart and soul. They belong to me in a way that no one else could. I love my DH, but it is just not the same.

Another way I think of this: I would eventually get over it if something happened to DH. I would move on with my life. I would never recover from the death of one of my children.

I honestly don't know how DH feels and I don't need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I definitely love each other more than the kids. That said, we love the kids a LOT. We have had conversations about the fact that we would always be able to have another kid, so if it came down to a choice between one of us and one of the kids, it would be us. That said, it would be soul crushing to lose a child and I agree with others that it's not a competition. There is not a set amount of love to be doled out (like, you don't love your second kid less when you have a third kid). And if you aren't talking about extremes like saving one life over another (which, if you don't live in Ukraine, isn't something we have to do these days), then what is the point of even talking about it??

[Anonymous]

Why even discussing this with your hudband?
Immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I definitely love each other more than the kids. That said, we love the kids a LOT. We have had conversations about the fact that we would always be able to have another kid, so if it came down to a choice between one of us and one of the kids, it would be us. That said, it would be soul crushing to lose a child and I agree with others that it's not a competition. There is not a set amount of love to be doled out (like, you don't love your second kid less when you have a third kid). And if you aren't talking about extremes like saving one life over another (which, if you don't live in Ukraine, isn't something we have to do these days), then what is the point of even talking about it??

F-ed up!!! You could also remarry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I definitely love each other more than the kids. That said, we love the kids a LOT. We have had conversations about the fact that we would always be able to have another kid, so if it came down to a choice between one of us and one of the kids, it would be us. That said, it would be soul crushing to lose a child and I agree with others that it's not a competition. There is not a set amount of love to be doled out (like, you don't love your second kid less when you have a third kid). And if you aren't talking about extremes like saving one life over another (which, if you don't live in Ukraine, isn't something we have to do these days), then what is the point of even talking about it??

F-ed up!!! You could also remarry!

1 was quoting 22.40. Somehow it got chopped.

[Anonymous]

I love my husband, my mom, my kids, and my best friend. I love them all intensely and in completely different ways. It doesn't even make sense to try to rank different types of love.

[Anonymous]

I sure hope my husband would choose my kids over me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I definitely love each other more than the kids. That said, we love the kids a LOT. We have had conversations about the fact that we would always be able to have another kid, so if it came down to a choice between one of us and one of the kids, it would be us. That said, it would be soul crushing to lose a child and I agree with others that it's not a competition. There is not a set amount of love to be doled out (like, you don't love your second kid less when you have a third kid). And if you aren't talking about extremes like saving one life over another (which, if you don't live in Ukraine, isn't something we have to do these days), then what is the point of even talking about it??

F-ed up!!! You could also remarry!

Ehh they likely have small kids. When I was pregnant or had a baby, I definitely would have wanted dh to save me. I could get pregnant again. Now that my kids are older, I feel differently.

Marriage is supposed to be the bedrock that you build your life and your kids' lives on. It's supposed to be a strong love. I love dh the same way that I love my children, plus there's a passionate love too. So that means that I love him more. I hope my own kids find as good of spouses as I've found.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I definitely love each other more than the kids. That said, we love the kids a LOT. We have had conversations about the fact that we would always be able to have another kid, so if it came down to a choice between one of us and one of the kids, it would be us. That said, it would be soul crushing to lose a child and I agree with others that it's not a competition. There is not a set amount of love to be doled out (like, you don't love your second kid less when you have a third kid). And if you aren't talking about extremes like saving one life over another (which, if you don't live in Ukraine, isn't something we have to do these days), then what is the point of even talking about it??

F-ed up!!! You could also remarry!

Ehh they likely have small kids. When I was pregnant or had a baby, I definitely would have wanted dh to save me. I could get pregnant again. Now that my kids are older, I feel differently.

Marriage is supposed to be the bedrock that you build your life and your kids' lives on. It's supposed to be a strong love. I love dh the same way that I love my children, plus there's a passionate love too. So that means that I love him more. I hope my own kids find as good of spouses as I've found.

That's a cultural expectation that some people have. It's not a universal truth. From a evolutionary perspective, you would expect the opposite to be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t all parents love their kids more deeply than their spouse? I honestly was shocked when he said this (it came up randomly) and a little upset. Does anything feel this way? Or do mothers just love differently from fathers?

My DH is the same way. I do think he would do anything to protect them, of course.

I agree, but I think I love my kids more than my DH.

I do think for men they love differently, though, and a mom's connection to her children is different than the dad's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom and I agree with your DH. So does the brilliant writer Ayelet Waldman.

Yes, she points out the difference is that she loves her kids (and she has a bunch, like 4?), but she is IN love with her spouse. I think this is healthy and best for a marriage and the kids.

No, she pointed out that she could more easily cope with the death of one of her children than that of her husband. I can't relate to that at all, and I'm a very, very empathic person. No one gets over the loss of a child.