My DD changed her mind on her ED school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't you think it could just be nerves? The only thing that changed is she got in. Sort of a buyer's regret because of the upcoming huge change in her life.

+1

[Anonymous]

I have two at college and I've noticed a rather large buyers remorse effect for ED kids around this time of year as they see their RD friends get spring acceptances. Just remind her that she selected her school for a reason and that, while she has to go next year, she can reevaluate at a later time whether she wants to transfer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you think it could just be nerves? The only thing that changed is she got in. Sort of a buyer's regret because of the upcoming huge change in her life.

Yes, I do think it's part of it. It's going to be a hard transition for her all around. Just wish she was more excited about her choice in college instead of feeling the buyer's regret. Would help to ease the nerves.

Does the school have a freshman week before classes start? My DCs colleges had them and they were worth the extra fee. It helped them start friendships and feel like they knew the campus and just was fun.

[Anonymous]

In theory, you can ditch ed without real penalty on yourself. The school might stop admitting students from your school in coming years.

[Anonymous]

We're in the exact same situation, OP. It's really hard to see DD so sad about something she wanted so badly back in Oct/Nov. For her, I think it's largely FOMO -- she thinks she could have gotten in somewhere "better" (her term, most people think her ED school is great). I've seen many people here post rejections from this school with higher stats than hers so I don't think that's true.

Mine contemplated asking to get out of it (she has some medical conditions that make it reasonable to go somewhere closer to home), but has decided to follow through with her commitment and we've discussed that she can transfer if it doesn't work out.

Can your DD attend the accepted student day? We're going to do that. Those events are designed to "sell" undecided kids, which might help our DDs remember why they liked these schools in the first place!

Wish I knew you IRL so our kids could talk. I think it's hard to feel this way right now with all the drama this week.

[Anonymous]

I've heard this from a few of DC's friends.

I think more kids felt pressure to ED the year because of the growing unpredictability of admissions. DC's college counseling office, for example, advised students to consider going ED to a target vs a reach. Plenty did just that and applied to SLACS that they liked vs. reaches that they loved. Receipe for second thoughts.

Continue to remind you DC why they wanted that school, buy the tee shirts and go to the admitted students events. Eventually, they'll most likely feel much, much better about the choice.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the many downsides of ED. It’s very common for kids to sour in their ED school. Seniors grow and change a lot their senior year.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that it is nerves, not actual dislike for the ED college. I’d quietly listen to her vent (since this isn’t my kid, I can say I’d do it quietly ☺️), and take her to an accepted students day and let that excitement infect her. If she is still regretful after that she could attend and start transfer apps pretty soon after arrival (it doesn’t obligate you to transfer if you enjoy where you are once the decisions arrive), or withdraw and take next year off and reapply.

[Anonymous]

In a similar boat with my son. He strategically applied to a college he liked, but it was not his very favorite school, because the odds were much more favorable. His favorite school was a total lottery. He got into the ED school, felt like he had “settled,” and was fairly glum for a while. He was feeling better about it recently until the spring acceptances started and he was regretful all over again. Hoping it passes and he will start to get excited.

I still think strategically he made the right decision. The only way we would’ve felt comfortable with him applying to the very top choice was if he genuinely loved his safety schools, but he really did not.

ED is tricky! Hope your daughter comes around soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize. ED does put unfair pressure on applicants and their families too early in the process. It only helps the college, so its a one-sided process.

No, it helps the students by increases their chance of acceptance and lets them know early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is committed to it and will stick with it, but she recently realized she made a mistake in picking the school and wishes she chose something else. She has been very sad about it which has been hard to watch. I think she just changed/evolved since early Fall when she applied. I'm not sure how to help he with this. I hate seeing her so upset about something that I thought she would be excited about. I suppose she could transfer at some point but just seems like a depressing way to start college by thinking about transferring already. I don't really have a question. But I do think that some kids change (mature) a lot between the beginning of senior year to the end, and that ED isn't always a good idea because of this. Just something to think about.

This is something my DH and I are in disagreement about. He's really pushing the ED angle and I keep hedging. I recognize there are plenty of circumstances where EDing makes sense - and I don't know if that was the case for your DD despite her current feelings - but it's a risky proposition as these kids can really change a lot their senior years. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

My DS did ED to his all time favorite school. He was thrilled but not surprised to get in, and didn't apply anywhere else because in his rational mind he felt this was the best option. He's very happy there, but every so often he says "i wonder if I could have gotten in anywhere better". Then he quickly follows up and said but I really like it here and its affordable (in state) and ends that line of thought.

As his mom, the school has been great for him. He's blossoming socially and has a 4.0 which will serve him well when he applies to grad school.

[Anonymous]

Your ds should talk to the school and her counselor. Would she rather take a gap year and reapply to schools next cycle?

[Anonymous]

DD*

[Anonymous]

ED really should be for a much smaller group of kids than what we are seeing this year. Kids change a lot when they see where there friends are going. It’s still very possible she will be happy at the school. Connect on the admitted students group and hope for the best, but keep transfer deadlines in your back pocket.