Will it be awkward if I don't offer dinner (seeing friend on college tour)

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the feedback so far.

DD will be ready to go to college when it is time. She's currently a sophomore. She has known the family friend since she was a little girl, but she's never spent much time with her (she's BFFs with the much younger sister).

They are not going to meet up for coffee. We are going to roll into town around 4:30, check into the hotel, and then meet up with friend around 5pm. My hope is that the friend might show DD the student center, give her take on college life, and let her see her dorm if that's allowed (strict Covid rules at the school still). No more than an hour. We'll have an official tour the next day, so there is no pressure to show the library, etc. If she only has 20 minutes, that's fine, too.

The college town is cute and has some nice independent coffee shops (avocado toast-type places, so $$), a crepe place, etc. I could ask her mom what she likes and buy a gift card before we leave the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your daughter is so anxious about being given a tour of a college by a family friend, how's she ever going to handle college on her own?

I am wondering the same- and I have anxiety, as does my DH and both kids!

This is OP. It's not about anxiety over dinner. I just think DD will be DONE by that point. I might be, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your daughter is so anxious about being given a tour of a college by a family friend, how's she ever going to handle college on her own?

I am wondering the same- and I have anxiety, as does my DH and both kids!

This is OP. It's not about anxiety over dinner. I just think DD will be DONE by that point. I might be, too!

I see. Give the tour guide a thank you card with a gift certificate to Starbucks or Chipotle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback so far.

DD will be ready to go to college when it is time. She's currently a sophomore. She has known the family friend since she was a little girl, but she's never spent much time with her (she's BFFs with the much younger sister).

They are not going to meet up for coffee. We are going to roll into town around 4:30, check into the hotel, and then meet up with friend around 5pm. My hope is that the friend might show DD the student center, give her take on college life, and let her see her dorm if that's allowed (strict Covid rules at the school still). No more than an hour. We'll have an official tour the next day, so there is no pressure to show the library, etc. If she only has 20 minutes, that's fine, too.

The college town is cute and has some nice independent coffee shops (avocado toast-type places, so $$), a crepe place, etc. I could ask her mom what she likes and buy a gift card before we leave the next day.

Ask the mom NOW and get the giftcard before you meet up with the girl and give it to her at the end of the tour. Dont' make her meet you a second time a second day in a row just to give her a $20 giftcard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're meeting up with a family friend who is a senior when we visit one of the colleges next week. She will likely take DD around campus a bit. I think the easiest time to meet up with her is late afternoon, based on our schedule.

DD has some anxiety, and while she is excited to look at colleges, the trip may be a bit overwhelming for her.

If we were a family of extroverts, I think the polite thing to do would be to offer to take the college student out for dinner. Do I need to do this? I'm very happy to send a thank you note with a gift card from one of the local coffee shops. If it were just me in town for some reason, I'd be happy to take her out. I just feel like my primary obligation is to my daughter, and that might be a lot for her (having toured a different school already that morning).

I know when I was in college it was a real treat for someone to take you to a restaurant and pay for dinner - I don't want to make her feel bad if we don't do that.

Just send the kid Venmo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're meeting up with a family friend who is a senior when we visit one of the colleges next week. She will likely take DD around campus a bit. I think the easiest time to meet up with her is late afternoon, based on our schedule.

DD has some anxiety, and while she is excited to look at colleges, the trip may be a bit overwhelming for her.

If we were a family of extroverts, I think the polite thing to do would be to offer to take the college student out for dinner. Do I need to do this? I'm very happy to send a thank you note with a gift card from one of the local coffee shops. If it were just me in town for some reason, I'd be happy to take her out. I just feel like my primary obligation is to my daughter, and that might be a lot for her (having toured a different school already that morning).

I know when I was in college it was a real treat for someone to take you to a restaurant and pay for dinner - I don't want to make her feel bad if we don't do that.

Of course! The least you could do is take her for a meal. Maybe do it before you start the tour so your DD is not tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're meeting up with a family friend who is a senior when we visit one of the colleges next week. She will likely take DD around campus a bit. I think the easiest time to meet up with her is late afternoon, based on our schedule.

DD has some anxiety, and while she is excited to look at colleges, the trip may be a bit overwhelming for her.

If we were a family of extroverts, I think the polite thing to do would be to offer to take the college student out for dinner. Do I need to do this? I'm very happy to send a thank you note with a gift card from one of the local coffee shops. If it were just me in town for some reason, I'd be happy to take her out. I just feel like my primary obligation is to my daughter, and that might be a lot for her (having toured a different school already that morning).

I know when I was in college it was a real treat for someone to take you to a restaurant and pay for dinner - I don't want to make her feel bad if we don't do that.

Of course! The least you could do is take her for a meal. Maybe do it before you start the tour so your DD is not tired.

I think Covid makes indoor dining less expected. I would do a thank you note with a gift card and not feel obliged. Or ask her mom what snacks she likes and make a snack gift basket with a gift card in it and then just do a thank you note after.

[Anonymous]

Bring a goodie bag of home baked treats or a local favorite. Ask the mom for suggestions. She may be too busy to have a meal with you and your daughter is not in to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback so far.

DD will be ready to go to college when it is time. She's currently a sophomore. She has known the family friend since she was a little girl, but she's never spent much time with her (she's BFFs with the much younger sister).

They are not going to meet up for coffee. We are going to roll into town around 4:30, check into the hotel, and then meet up with friend around 5pm. My hope is that the friend might show DD the student center, give her take on college life, and let her see her dorm if that's allowed (strict Covid rules at the school still). No more than an hour. We'll have an official tour the next day, so there is no pressure to show the library, etc. If she only has 20 minutes, that's fine, too.

The college town is cute and has some nice independent coffee shops (avocado toast-type places, so $$), a crepe place, etc. I could ask her mom what she likes and buy a gift card before we leave the next day.

Ask the mom NOW and get the giftcard before you meet up with the girl and give it to her at the end of the tour. Dont' make her meet you a second time a second day in a row just to give her a $20 giftcard.

Huh? You can send gift cards by email.

[Anonymous]

Send a thank you card and a gift card. Totally appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Looking at colleges at a sophomore is early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback so far.

DD will be ready to go to college when it is time. She's currently a sophomore. She has known the family friend since she was a little girl, but she's never spent much time with her (she's BFFs with the much younger sister).

They are not going to meet up for coffee. We are going to roll into town around 4:30, check into the hotel, and then meet up with friend around 5pm. My hope is that the friend might show DD the student center, give her take on college life, and let her see her dorm if that's allowed (strict Covid rules at the school still). No more than an hour. We'll have an official tour the next day, so there is no pressure to show the library, etc. If she only has 20 minutes, that's fine, too.

The college town is cute and has some nice independent coffee shops (avocado toast-type places, so $$), a crepe place, etc. I could ask her mom what she likes and buy a gift card before we leave the next day. [/quo

Gift card would be awesome and don't worry about dinner...my college freshman would be happy to show a student around for a bit but not be tied to going out to dinner with them.

[Anonymous]

Seriously who cares if your daughter is “done.” She’s not a toddler for crying out loud. She should be able to handle a single busy day even if it is a little uncomfortable or unpleasant. Pull it together and treat that kid to a meal since you yourself already believe it to be the proper thing to do.

I have a kid in college and the stories he tells me about some students being unable to cope with totally normal minor hardships are just laughable but then I see it comes from parents like you who shield their kids from every tiny unpleasant situation. You are doing your child NO favors. And before you get huffy, remember you crowdsourced an answer to this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seriously can’t take her for dinner or even coffee? Life is not this hard.

well for some people, it IS hard. Why not maybe ask her her favorite Starbucks drink and bring that along with something homemade?

Or maybe if life is so hard for you to be polite, don't take favors from others?

[Anonymous]

Yes.